Someone in the blog world (I can’t remember who) told me to watch the movie Dead Snow. Because I will watch anything about zombies.
Except Zombie Strippers. I’m still waivering on whether or not to watch that one.
Plot: A group of medical students take a vacation in the snowy mountains. Nazi zombies attack, and the snowy white hills run red with blood. The movie is like a giant cherry sno-cone.
Since I’ve never been skiing (or encountered a real zombie), I learned a lot from Dead Snow.
- If you hear the Nutcracker’s “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy,” run. Zombies are chasing you.
- Sometimes you have to wear a hat to bed to stay warm, but not a shirt.
- Don’t tease the shirtless hat-wearing guy. He sews up a zombie bite with a fish hook and then bandages his neck with duct tape. Dude is hard core.
- Men will cut off their infected arm to avoid becoming a zombie, but they will not cut off their penis.
- If you fall over a cliff, use zombie intestines as rope.
A few warnings for you if you decide to watch the movie (via Netflix Instant Viewing)…
Have your popcorn ready and your laundry folded because there are subtitles. And subtitles mean no multitasking.
When the characters diss the Evil Dead series, you’ll be tempted to turn off those Bruce Campbell haters. But power through because the movie redeems itself by referencing Indiana Jones, April Fool’s Day, Friday the 13th, Homer Simpson, and Terminator.
I think the most important lesson I learned from the movie is Never go skiing (or partake in other outdoor winter activities). If you do, you’ll be attacked by Nazi zombies.
Thoughts Appear 
January 31st, 2011 at 8:30 am
This is a very helpful guide. Thank you for putting it together. I’ve never been skiiing, either. I have weak ankles.
January 31st, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Normally I might call you out on the weak ankles. Except I may need to use that excuse myself.
January 31st, 2011 at 9:50 am
Number four is so true! Well, at least from what I can tell. And I will never again be able to do my annual dance to the sugar plum fairies without having significant back up. I think zombies are pretty smart and am afraid that one would try to disguise himself with a tutu. I am blinded by pretty whenever tulle is in the room.
January 31st, 2011 at 1:14 pm
A zombie in a tutu would be hilarious!
January 31st, 2011 at 10:06 am
I like Rule No. 5. It’s creative and practical.
January 31st, 2011 at 10:11 am
Nazi Zombies are probably the worst kind of zombies. No sense of humor what so ever.
January 31st, 2011 at 10:25 am
You kill me. Oh wait, not like a zombie. I have to share this link here in case you’ve never seen it. Cracked.com has a bunch of zombie related videos you can search, but this one is the first I remember.
Dealing With The Guy Who’s Clearly Hiding a Zombie Bite
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/video_18166_dealing-with-guy-whos-clearly-hiding-zombie-bite.html#ixzz1Ccv1eoH3
January 31st, 2011 at 11:47 am
LMAO! Never seen it but now I kind of want to. I’ve never been skiing either but if I ever choose to go I’ll make sure to print out your guide first. Duct tape for a bandage, huh? That is hardcore man. I haven’t personally seen it but you have to watch Zombie Strippers. If nothing else, you’ll get some really good writing material and can then say you’ve seen every zombie movie. 😉
January 31st, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I take it Kiefer is back in town? Or are you breaking your own rule of never watching a horror movie alone?
January 31st, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Kiefer is back, but I did watch it alone. But it was in the middle of the day.
January 31st, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I don’t understand the concept of Nazi zombies. Zombies are zombies. Making them Nazis doesn’t make them any scarier. Unnecessary.
Also, hat but no shirt? These kids are classy!
January 31st, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I’ll take the advice.
By the way, I’ve shot Nazi zombies. Not easy kills!
January 31st, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Sounds a bit like 30 Days of Night…
January 31st, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I really, really hope you didn’t watch this alone. I can’t even watch this stuff with a bunch of people!
February 1st, 2011 at 7:20 am
Yep. I watched it alone. I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment.
January 31st, 2011 at 1:24 pm
“Never go skiing (or partake in other outdoor winter activities). If you do, you’ll be attacked by Nazi zombies.”
That’s always been my excuse for not exercising outdoors in the winter! 😉
P.S. Have you seen The Walking Dead series yet? It is SO good!
February 1st, 2011 at 7:20 am
It’s in my Netflix queue, but it hasn’t come out on DVD yet. =(
January 31st, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this one. But I may have avoided it at all costs. I can’t recall.
What I do suggest is that you look for a movie called “Edge of Darkness”…or it could be “Edges of Darkness”. Whatever the Mel Gibson one is, it’s either the plural or singular version of it. Okay, I looked it up…it’s Edges.
I highly recommend the viewing of this horrible waste of film and/or digital space for the riveting dialogue…in particular…these gems…
“It’s a zombie apocalypse and you got the f#&%ing curtains open!”
OR
“There’s a muthaf#&%in’ armbone in the muthaf#&%in’ yard!”
OR
“After everything, I still don’t have any answers. What happened? Well…I guess in the end, it doesn’t matter how we get here. What matters is what we do while we’re here. And what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna kill me some muthaf#&%in’ zombies!”
These are all worthy of the Samuel L. Jackson treatment, by far.
February 1st, 2011 at 7:22 am
I thought maybe I read about it on your blog, but I wans’t sure.
I just added Edges of Darkness to my queue!
January 31st, 2011 at 4:01 pm
This confirms everything I’ve always thought about skiing. And seriously, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” is creepy. Hilarious post.
February 1st, 2011 at 7:23 am
Just one more reason not to go skiing.
January 31st, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Have you seen Dead Alive yet, huuuh? I learned many valuable lessons from that one. I like zombies, but in this case, I think I’d be even more afraid of the snow. Like “Run Lorraine zombies are coming…. AND IT’S SNOWING.” And then I’d die.
Hate. Snow.
February 1st, 2011 at 7:24 am
I just added it to my queue.
I guess it’s good that you live in FL. No snow there!
January 31st, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Thanks for giving me yet another reason to avoid snow at all costs. Awesome review of this movie. Makes me want to see it (especially for a visual representation of rule #5)
January 31st, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Noted! I am adding the flick to my list of “must-see’s”…… I love a good Zombie Intestine movie….. 🙂
February 1st, 2011 at 3:00 am
Hahah, this might actually make me watch a zombie movie. Hehe. I usually steer clear of them cause the gore kinda freaks me out, but the way you describe this one seems not so bad. I mean how can anything referencing Indiana Jones and Homer be bad?
February 1st, 2011 at 7:27 am
Exactly! Homer Simpson references are always good. Plus it’s a Norwegian film. That’s your neck of the woods!
February 1st, 2011 at 9:39 am
That just blew it. I never watch norwegian scary movies because the setting is too much like where I live, hehe. Even though I live in a ‘big’ city there’s mountains and forests everywhere. I would be totally paranoid if I watched that movie. lol
February 1st, 2011 at 5:44 am
“Men will cut off their infected arm to avoid becoming a zombie, but they will not cut off their penis”
Does this work?
February 1st, 2011 at 7:27 am
It did in the movie, but I don’t know if it will work with a real zombie bite. =)
February 1st, 2011 at 7:25 am
I hate skiing because I get cold, scared and miserable and end up crying on a mountain until someone comes and gets me. But “There could be Nazi zombies” is a much less embarrassing reason to tell people why I don’t want to go.
February 1st, 2011 at 7:29 am
I’m glad I could help out with another excuse!
February 1st, 2011 at 7:51 pm
What do you have against Zombie strippers? lol
February 2nd, 2011 at 5:38 am
Must see this film now. It’s Danish, isn’t it? Or Norwegian? Whatever, doesn’t matter, but I must see it. I mean, a guy saving himself from falling off a cliff by using zombieguts for rope, how could you miss that?! 🙂
Zombies rule.
What’s your favorite zombie movie? Mine’s 28 Days Later. I think it’s brilliant. The sequel sucks, though.
xxx
February 2nd, 2011 at 10:24 am
Netflix said Norwegian.
It’s hard to pick a favorite zombie movie. I think I would need to do a serious analysis with charts and graphs and such. But I do like 28 Days Later. =)
February 2nd, 2011 at 8:21 am
That movie sounds amazing. And I have Zombie Strippers, still waiting on my Instant Queue, for the day that I finally decide there is nothing better and turn it on.
February 2nd, 2011 at 10:25 am
I didn’t realize I could put that movie in my Instant Queue. Maybe I will watch it one day.
March 11th, 2011 at 5:52 pm
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