Please excuse the regression to my 5-year-old self.
But I’m having an early birthday celebration this weekend! I’m so flippin’ excited that I may pee my pants! Oops…too late…. Apparently bladder control starts to go at age 29.
So you’ll have to do without me for a few days. I know, I know. Deep breaths.
What? You forgot my birthday was this month? I can’t believe that you would forget something so important. I mean, it’s not like you have your own blogs, lives, children, and pets to take care of or anything. (::head hung in shame:: <–Yours, not mine.)
Anyways, as my early birthday present, please pick one of the following:
- Search for a Pete, Jr. (I heard Pete was quite the ladies’ penguin.)
- Bake some cookies (and then send me a sample).
- Check out my About and Background pages. (I updated them forever ago and then didn’t tell you.)
- Start a fundraiser for
me you and me to go on another cruise.
Now for some serious business.
Serious Business #1: There’s an imposter amongst us. While the Hipster and I were in Ellicott City, we found someone masquerading as The Jolie!
Serious Business #2: Please send wrinkle cream. Apparently my 29-year-old forehead needs some.
Note to self: Never make that face again. It causes wrinkles.
37 Comments | tags: 30 Before 30, cookies, cruise, Food, Humor, Life, Money, Pete, The Jolie, Travel | posted in Life
A shark bit me. I have the band aid to prove it.
That’s one sexy ankle, isn’t it? The shark thought so, too.
Hes looking at me funny.
I’m lucky that’s my only wound. I narrowly escaped death several times at the Florida Aquarium.
I wrestled a crocodile and escaped unscathed.
Stop looking at me!
So I was not about to tempt fate and pet the stingray. No siree.
I know what you did to the Crocodile Hunter....
At the aquarium, you can pet sting rays. Notice that I said “you.” That’s because you can, but I cannot. I know I can’t because I tried.
I thrust my hand into the water, and every time one of those little buggers came near, I pulled out in a panic.
Pet a wolf? Hells yeah! Pet a penguin? I’m down. Pet a sting ray? Hell no!
The aqaurium has posters with proper petting instructions, but these instructions were tricky:
- Use only 2 fingers. What about a finger and a thumb? Can I only use 1 finger? What about 1 finger from each hand?
- Only touch the safe zone, not the danger zone.
The danger zone is the middle of the string ray, and the safe zone is the edges. But I ask you, how can you be sure you’re staying in the safe zone?
What if one of those little buggers is vindicative and just looking for an excuse to sting?
I put my two fingers in the water and reach for the wing of the sting ray. Suddenly, the ray fakes left, moves right, and my fingers end up in the danger zone.
No more Thoughts.
And…this is the last of my cruise posts. Sad thoughts all around.
As a side note, I didn’t realize the comments were off most of the day on yesterday’s post. They’re on now if you want to leave a comment teasing me about my 1 pushup.
20 Comments | tags: 30 Before 30, Animal, cruise, eww, Humor, Life, shark bite, Travel, wolf | posted in Animals
I’m interrupting your regularly scheduled program with this breaking news:
A New Pop-Tart
Strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries combined into one delicious flavor with Spring-colored sprinkles.
The sprinkles kinda look like Easter eggs, but I think they’re supposed to be flower petals. Whatever. Sprinkles are sprinkles.
Limited Edition, people! That means get a box now before supplies run out.
FYI, I’m suffering from Pop-Tart withdraw. Despite numerous reminders from bloggers to pack Pop-Tarts for the cruise, I didn’t.
Me the first day of the cruise: I’ll be fine for a few days without Pop-Tarts. It’s not an addiction. I can stop any time. Really.
Me after we got off the cruise: ::licking the vending machine glass as I stared longingly at the Pop-Tarts inside::
Just say it and get it over with: I told you so.
28 Comments | tags: cruise, Food, Humor, Pop-Tarts | posted in Food
On a cruise, you tend to do things you normally wouldn’t do. For example…
- I ate ice cream at 9:30 AM.
- I did the Cupid Shuffle. Twice.
- I played Bingo.
- I ate 3 desserts in one day…for every day of the cruise.
- I ate nachos twice in one day.
- I had a mixed drink at 11:00 AM.
- I wore dresses and swimsuits that showed more cleavage than I even knew I had. (Kiefer! Look at how awesome my boobs look in this dress! They’re busting out of it! Busting! BWAHAHA! Obviously, this was after consuming the mixed drink.)
However, there are also things you just can’t bring yourself to do…despite the fact that you’re on a cruise.
That’s really the only thing.
You: Thoughtsie, what the hell…Stop rambling and get to the point. Tell us about the margaritas!
Ahhh, yes. The strawberry margaritas. Let me share my cruise drinking thoughts with you:
- Saturday Afternoon: Oh my freakin’ god, there are people everywhere! I can’t drink! I need my wits about me.
- Saturday Evening: I’m on a cruise, so I guess I should get a drink. A drink called “The Cruiser” seems like a good choice.
- Sunday: I consume no drinks.
- Monday: I consume 1 drink.
- Tuesday Afternoon: Because we’re in Mexico, I drink half a margarita at Fat Tuesdays. I drink only half because I’m afraid the ice will give me…uh, faucet butt. (My coworker made me call it that.)
- Tuesday Night: Back on the ship, the party theme is Mexican Fiesta, so I have 2 strawberry margaritas. (And so it begins….) Just tipsy enough to dance the Cupid Shuffle twice, but not drunk enough to participate in the Conga Line, Macarena, or Electric Slide.
- Wednesday: I insist that it’s too hot to drink, but when Kiefer returns with an alcoholic beverage served in a pineapple, I drink half of it.
- Thursday: Faced with the reality that the cruise is over, at the airport’s Tequileria, I downed two strawberry margaritas.
Tequileria’s margaritas were the best drinks I’ve ever had. Seriously. Best drinks ever.
So to avoid going to airports for drinks, I’ve decided to find and perfect a strawberry margarita recipe. And just to make sure I follow through, it’s going on my 35 Before 35 list, which will be unveiled soon…very soon. So feel free to post suggestions.
45 Comments | tags: 30 Before 30, 35 Before 35, cruise, Food, Humor, Kiefer Sutherland, Life, strawberry margarita, Travel | posted in Travel
After the cruise, Kiefer and I wandered around Port of Tampa. You know what’s at the Port of Tampa?
Do you know what you can do at the Florida Aquarium?
PET A PENGUIN!
So that’s exactly what we did. I, Thoughtsie, touched a penguin. I also learned a lot about penguins, such as…
- Penguins have more feathers than any other bird.
- Penguins poop. A lot. Like every 10 minutes. (This almost made me change my mind about petting one.) And their poop can shoot up to 4 feet. No one is safe. No one.
Except for me. I was safe. I did not get pooped on.
Kiefer, on the other hand, was not so lucky.
Just kidding. Kiefer didn’t get pooped on either.
- Penguins are extremely affectionate. They prefer to eat their fish from the biologist’s hand.
- You know how cats purr when they’re happy? Penguins shudder. It looks like they’re having a seizure.
- Penguins sleep a lot. Sometimes they just fall over because they’re asleep.
We got to see about 10 or so penguins, but here’s the one we got to pet. He looks familiar, doesn’t he?
I’m sure it’s Pete. Don’t you see the resemblance?
- Pete the Penguin is ALIVE!
What do you think? Is it Pete or am I in denial?
29 Comments | tags: Animal, cruise, Humor, Kiefer Sutherland, Life, Pete, Travel | posted in Animals