Will It Hurt?

Last week I went to the dermatologist for two beauty spots on my back. And by “beauty spots,” I mean “moles,” but “beauty spots”makes me feel like Cindy Crawford, so just go with it.

Doctor: This one is probably ok, but the other one is questionable. Better safe than sorry, so I’ll just remove both of them. Sit here.

Thoughtsy: Wait…right now? You’re going to take them off right now?

Doctor: Yes.

Thoughtsy: Will it hurt?

Doctors never tell you it will hurt. They’ll tell you it’ll sting or it’ll pinch. Synonyms for hurt. Boom! English-majored!

Doctor: I’ll numb it, so you won’t feel anything. Just two pricks.

Thoughtsy: (::under breath::) I’ll show you a prick.

A few mostly pain-free minutes later, I was “beauty spotless.”

The next day I asked Kiefer to take off the band-aids because I didn’t want to see the possibly huge gaping holes aftermath. 

Kiefer: I’m going to take off the band-aids now.

Thoughtsy: Right now?

Kiefer: Yes.

Thoughtsy: Will it hurt?

I ask those two questions at least once a day.

Thoughtsy: Just so you know, I prefer the slow peeling of band-aids. Don’t rip it off.

Kiefer: (::RIP!::)

Thoughtsy: SON OF A…! I hate you.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Tried the bra bit. Mostly it just made me feel like I need new deodorant and maybe a boob job.”—Tori Nelson

Where’s Your Movember Moustache?

Q: What’s the male equivalent of the mammogram?

A: The doctor puts his finger somewhere uncomfortable…like the back of a Volkswagen.

Everybody knows what Save the Ta Tas means. But do you know what Movember means?

Starting November 1, men all over the world stopped shaving the hair above the lip. The funds raised by these men support health programs for prostate cancer (and other male-specific cancers).

To show my support, I sported my own moustache at a bar crawl this weekend.

Pregame Curly Moustache

The group I was with got some crazy looks, and lots of people asked what was going on.

Stranger #1: Why are you wearing that moustache?

Me: What moustache? (I totally should have said that. I lose cool points for letting that opportunity pass by.)

Seductive Crooked Moustache

Stranger #2: I don’t know if I’m disturbed by that or oddly turned on. I think I’m turned on.

Me: ::runs away::

Even Hello Kitty (Blarney) had a moustache.

Feel free to donate to a team of my friends or some other moustacheteers.

Reflection: Who Are You?

I’ve never been someone who makes New Year’s resolutions.

In fact, until I started dating Kiefer Sutherland, New Year’s Eve was just another day to me. I never stayed up to watch the ball drop, and I was usually in bed by 10:30….with a few exceptions.

This year I’m still not making any resolutions. Isn’t my 30 Before 30 List like a whole buttload of resolutions?

Anyways, the other night at dinner, Boo and Radley played High-Low. You go around the table and say the high part of your day and the low part of your day.

For example:

Low: My Pop-Tart was broken and crumbly.

High: I drank a milkshake for lunch. (My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…. Sorry.)

So instead of resolutions, I am going to take  a moment to reflect on 2010 Boo-Radley-High-Low style.

Overall, 2010 was pretty good year. Here are the highlights:

• I started a blog!
• Kiefer said he wasn’t ready to move in together, so I moved in with Blarney instead.
• I met Sam Raimi.
• After years of doctors nagging me, I finally had a colonoscopy. All clear! (In more ways than one.) My glorious butt is still gloriously healthy and cancer-free!
• A post was Freshly Pressed!
• I forgave.
• I wore 3 Halloween costumes this year: Tinkerbell, Zombie Bruce Campbell, and Little Red Riding Hood.
• I ran/walked two 5Ks: Cupcakes and Breast Cancer.
• Mephistopheles finally paid me back.
• A laser zapped my bikini line.
• I sold my motorcycle.
• A wolf sat in my lap, and a butterfly landed in my hair.

So that’s my year in a nutshell. What were the highs and lows of your 2010? (You can use Thy as an example.)

I’ve been reading some of your blogs from almost the beginning, but many blogs are new to me. Sometimes I read a post, you mention something from your past, and then I feel left out.

As you look back on 2010, I’m asking you to post some of your highs and lows. What should I know about you?

Happy New Year!

30 Before 30: New and Improved

After careful consideration, I’ve decided to change my 30 Before 30 List. ::Gasp!::

Here’s what I’m changing:

5. Learn to speak Italian.

I still want to do this, but I’m not going to learn Italian in the remaining 6 months because I’ll be busy learning American Sign Language. I don’t want to half-ass it, so I’ll postpone Italian for my 35 Before 35 list.

7. Go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City.

With my upcoming cruise and my recent Florida trip, I don’t think I have the money to go on another big trip. Which stinks because I was hoping I might get a chance to meet ThyPolarLife and Hacking Vegas.

I’m pretty sure that Las Vegas and Atlantic City will still be there when I’m 30. Of course, I said that about New Orleans a few years ago, and look how well that turned out.

11. No chocolate for 5 days.

Ha! I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously I was hopped up on Pop-Tarts. Who needs chocolate when there’s Pop-Tarts? Me. I need chocolate, too.

Besides, I’m pretty sure I went for 5 days without chocolate before and after the colonoscopy. ::shudder:: I don’t really remember. I tried to block it out. Thinking about it makes me twitch. ::shudder-twitch::

27. Learn to dance.

I learned the Cupid Shuffle. Does that count? Due to finances (again), I’m going to postpone this one.

I bet you’re wondering what the replacement items are.

5. Meet a fellow blogger.

Why? Because you guys are cool. We need to hang out. I’m accepting applications.

Actually I started drafting this post awhile ago when I realized money didn’t grow on trees, and shortly after, the Hipster came to the zombie crawl. But I’d be up for meeting someone else if you think that’s cheating.

7. Pay for someone else at a drive-thru.

 The people behind me will probably end up being the Duggar family, and then I’ll be too broke to pay for my own meal, but I’m willing to take that risk.

11. Do something outdoorsy.

Kiefer thinks we should do the Via Ferrata to Nelson Rocks, but I was thinking some more along the lines of a picnic…at a park…where no climbing is involved.

27. Visit a fortune teller/palm reader/psychic.

I always like hearing about other people’s experiences, so I think it’s time I went.

Naked Cowboy for President and Turning the World Pink

Extra! Extra! Naked Cowboy…for President! Read all about it!

That’s right. This guy is running for President.

I took this pic when Princess and I visited NYC (Taking a Tiny Bite Out of the Big Apple). Apparently, he’s pretty conservative. As conservative as someone can be who’s comfy roaming the streets of New York in tight whiteys.

I’m pretty sure there’s a law that you’re not allowed to run for President if you’ve been photographed in your underoos. Maybe the hat is the loophole on that one.

Anyways, if Naked Cowboy can run for President, so can I. I mentioned it in jest, but now I’m seriously considering it. I think I’ll ask Lorraine at Late to the Party to be my Co-President. Screw having a Vice President. I want someone to share the responsibility equally.

Here are my priorities. Please feel free to comment with suggestions.

•  Eliminate the Gravitron.
• Have a Sex Pancakes Holiday.
• Institute Halfway to Halloween as a national holiday.
• Start research on developing a yummy tasting chocolate that will actually help you lose weight.
• Demand that we share Pop-Tarts with other countries.

Someone needs to tackle the serious issues. And I’m willing to face them head on. Remember when you head out to the polls, a vote for me is a vote for chocolate.

Before I break another news story, let me take a moment to say I never watch the news. I know that’s exactly what you want in a President: someone uninformed.

Remember how I participated in the Susan G. Komen Run for the Cure in June? I received an email this morning, and I just want to see if anyone can confirm that it’s not SPAM (like the Russian Mafia comment.)

The email says that starting today they’re kicking off Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Then it says, visit www.69-seconds.org. Because a woman dies from breast cancer every 69 seconds.

69 seconds? Really? 69? Did someone double check the math? Maybe we should round it to 70 seconds.

In all seriousness, I encourage everyone to visit the site to help promote breast cancer awareness and “turn the virtual world pink” by using the hash tag #fightbreastcancer in your blog posts or on Facebook and Twitter.