Thanksgiving-Themed Frozen Yogurt: Creamed Corn?

In case you didn’t know, my blogger-buddy Misty had a baby. And although I plan to descend upon her and the baby (aka possibly Scout’s future boyfriend) soon, we tried* to squeeze in one more prebaby date.

*The Braxton Hicks decided to trick Misty, so we didn’t meet.

So we were going to meet for frozen yogurt. A dessert fiend and a pregnant lady. Where else would we go? Duh.

As I scoped out the flavors online, I ran across this flavor:

WTF.

Reeeeeeeeeally. Creamed corn frozen yogurt.

Who decided that was a good idea?

Veggies and dessert do not mix—That comes from someone who claims her PB&J is a fruit because it contains strawberry jelly.

And why does it say it contains milk? It should say, “Contains Corn.”

What’s the funkiest flavor yogurt you’ve tried?

Welcome to the Gun Show

Recently, I’ve been pondering something, and I’ve come up with two hypotheses:

1. Sexual harassment has scared people so much they’re afraid to compliment a woman’s eyes, hair, etc.
2. I have the arms of a god.

I really want it to be #2. Here’s my proof:

• It all began years ago when a guy tried to pick me up by complimenting my arms. Seriously.
• Then JM complimented my arms at BlogHer.
• More arm compliments by Jules, Darla, and Jess in last month’s comments.

Ladies, this is for you. I’ve been a slacker lately, so they’re not muscular as they usually are. And sorry about the bruise. Damn blood draws.

But now I have a new hypothesis. What if I’m just a very dull person? What if my arms are my only attractive trait? The only other things I receive compliments on are fake. 

The other day at the gym, this conversation happened:

Gym Guy: You’re looking beautiful today. As always. You have the most perfectly shaped eyebrows.

Now seems like a good time to mention I don’t take compliments well. I end up (A) blushing and changing the subject, or (B) oversharing. Just saying, “Thank you” rarely happens. 

Me: That’s because I pluck like crazy. Seriously, my real eyebrows are just short of a unibrow. ::face-palm::

Gym Guy: And your lashes are so long!

Me: They’re fake. I glue the extra eyebrows to the lashes. It’s all fake!

At least my hair is real. I might try brushing it this morning to see if anyone says anything.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Caption: I will cut you.”—Katie and a Blog

As You Wish

Haaaaaave you met Misty? Meeting and friending her should be your #1 priority. Why? Because whenever I see her, she gives me something. Usually vodka or Pop-Tarts.

—

I have a confession to make. While I consider myself pretty well read…having a degree in English Lit, another degree in Law, and making a consistent attempt to read at least a few books a month (that I try to fit in around my busy TV watching work and child rearing schedule), there is one book that I shamefully have never read. And that book is…The Princess Bride.

But then again, who needs books when you have movies? And in fact, The Princess Bride movie is one of the funniest, most irreverent, clever and iconic movies that I have ever seen. And Thoughtsy’s Movies Teach Us is all about movies, so I guess the fact that I’ve seen this movie more than a few hundred dozen times, is a good start on this post, yes? Who needs books anyway?

There are many life lessons contained in this epic movie. From the very beginning, if you were a child of the 80’s like me, the very sounds of the dated Atari-like baseball video game brings you back to a more innocent and childlike period in your life. A time when, like the young boy in the film, you were home sick from school and your grandfather came to read you a book to pass the time. Where you happily shut down your video game and accepted your doting grandpa’s playful cheek pinch, and settled in for an afternoon of literary entertainment. I mean, that happened to you all the time when you were young, right? Ok, fine… it didn’t happen here either. Whilst there is the whole sick kid/grandpa reading thing, as most young boys would be, this one is similarly unenthused about his grandpa’s visit. But things change soon after the opening pages of the novel, which the boy promises to “try to stay awake” for.

RIP Peter Falk.

Much like the character Fred Savage plays in this movie, I too learned quite a lot from this movie. One of the most important lessons I learned was that after all these years, I still can pretty much quote it verbatim. So, even though I might not remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, it’s good to know that arcane 80’s movie dialogue is still firmly implanted in the ole recesses of my noggin’. Score!

Lessons From The Princess Bride

• ROUS’s definitely exist, and you should NOT expect Buttercup to help save you from them.
• The Dread Pirate Roberts does not take prisoners . . . except for those times where he does.
• Death cannot stop true love.
• “No more rhymes now, I mean it! (Anybody want a peanut?)”
• “You keep using that word . . . I do not think it means what you think it means.”
• “I am not left handed.”
• People in masks cannot be trusted.
• Masks are terribly comfortable and everyone will be wearing them in the future.
• “You put down your rock and I put down my sword and we try to kill each other like civilized people.”

Inconceivable!

• Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
• Life IS pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
• Lies do not become men of action.
• Always be honest if it is for posterity.
• If you are seven feet tall and yell at everyone to move, they will part like the Red Sea.
• Fezzik jogs memories too hard.
• Bringing up a painful subject is like giving a paper cut and pouring lemon juice on it.
• People can be only mostly dead, which is slightly alive.
• True love is the greatest thing in the world . . . except for a nice MLT. Mutton, lettuce & tomato, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe.
•  Mawedge. Mawedge is what bwings us togevah today.
• “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
• There is a worse fate than “to the death.”
  

  Drop. Your. Sword.

• Fred Savage doesn’t mind the kissing parts so much.

And finally . . .

• “As you wish” means “I love you.”

What Happens After High School

Haaaaaave you met Peg? She’s pretty much a genius. She has good ideas and is a great organizer.

How do I know this? Because she orchestrated the great Reese’s Cup Takeover of  2012, and now she’s giving credit where credit is due with her Freshly Pegged Awards.

Please give Peg a warm welcome! And she’ll probably accept Reese’s Cups, too.

—

When Thoughtsy asked me to review a movie for her landmark “Movies Teach Us” series, I thought I might be hamstrung by the fact that I never actually WATCH movies. This is a result of being unwilling to shell out the $10 and 3 hours required to go to a show, coupled with my inability to figure out why the sound won’t work on our DVD player.

Being a genial host, Thoughtsy said I could just resurrect impressions gleaned from something I’ve already seen. I chose Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion.

Those who know me might find this an odd choice for a grumpy, middle-aged woman, but I loved this movie. To paraphrase one of the mean girls (who ends up breaking away from the pack to become a pseudo-butch, not-mean career woman), it’s flirty and fun.

Here’s what I learned.

1) When making up a career to disguise the fact that you are actually a broke loser, don’t pick something people are apt to have heard of, like inventing Post-it Notes. Say you got rich doing something nobody can disprove, like owning a huge chain of coin-op laundromats.

2) Desperately Seeking Susan had a profound effect on the styling adopted by high school girls desperate to be different in the pre-EMO days of the 1980s.

3) Girls who hang around their hometown and remain friends after high school are doomed to all get pregnant at the same time.

4) Janeane Garofalo used to be funny before she made the career switch from comedian to obnoxious political pundit.

5) No need to feel inferior in high school: the Big Man On Campus and Head Cheerleader always wind up being fat losers by the ten-year reunion.

6) Conversely, nerds always turn out cute/hunky and end up making lots of money.

7) In the food chain that is the high-school social scene, there will always be people above you. But don’t despair. For almost everyone, there is still somebody below you.

Somebody Please Get a Clue

Haaaaave you met Jules? I can’t remember if we first bonded over our mutual love for Glee or vodka, but we definitely cemented our bloggy friendship with vodka at BlogHer.

Please give her a warm welcome today. If you’re nice to her, she’ll probably make you one of her chief chipmunks.

—

When Thoughtsy asked if I’d write a “Movies Teach Us” guest post, I didn’t hesitate. Movies have taught me so much. Thanks to the silver screen, I wasn’t long in this world before learning that killer bees really can kill, Reese’s Pieces are otherworldly-level yummy, and men fall in love with girls who actually would let you put them in a corner if it was up to them.

I recently watched my all-time favorite movie for the 10th 20th 30th time, and I thought it would be the perfect pick for today.

Clueless.

I totally didn’t even pause before picking this movie.

Here’s what I learned:

• “Showing a little skin” will only prolong your realization that yes, that hot guy who likes to shop really is gay.
• The correct pronunciation of “Hatians” is HAY-tee-uns.
• If you don’t wear your most capable-looking outfit, you will fail that driver’s test.
• Only yellow plaid goes with yellow plaid.
• They don’t speak Mexican in El Salvador.