Author Archives: thoughtsappear

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies.

Fried Green Tomatoes

In June I turned 34, and I realized I had less than a year to complete my 35 Before 35 list.

I decided to start right then and there to continue working on it, starting with #7: Try fried green tomatoes.


But I amended it a little: Try fried green tomatoes…while sipping a Key Lime Pie Martini.


Let me know if you have any suggestions for my 35 Before 35 list. There are a few that I have no interest in anymore. Suggestions welcome!

The Secret to Time Travel

The other day I was driving by myself. ::ahem:: I was in the car alone. ::ahem:: It was just me. No Scout. No kids. Period.

That never happens.

So I did what any adult that’s been singing “Sesame Street,” “Where Is Thumbkin?,” and “Old MacDonald” would do.

I blasted some Rage Against the Machine. And some Rob Zombie. And some punk music.

Who cares that it was from the late 90s?

You do.

Why? Because listening to that combination of music transports you back to the early 90s.


Excuse me…

How do I know I traveled back in time?

Because I passed a billboard advertising that A Different World was on TV.

Some of you young people are saying, “What’s a billboard?” Some of you even younger people are asking, “What’s A Different World?

A TV show that was on in the late 80s and early 90s. Obviously, I traveled back in time because I don’t know why anyone would need a billboard for a TV show that’s been over for 20 years.

So to recap…

Listening to 90s Music = Time Travel.

You’re welcome.




The Safest Way to Wish Someone a Happy’s Mother’s Day

A few years ago I dreaded going out on Mother’s Day. Miscarriages will do that to you. People assume you’re a mother and then you break down crying and the well-wisher assumes all mothers are crazy and becomes sympathetic to Norman Bates.

Or maybe you’re like me years before that and have a boyfriend who takes forever to propose and when people wish you a “Happy Mother’s Day!” your response is “I’ll never have kids!”

Anyways…the point is there is only one safe way to wish someone a “Happy Mother’s Day!” And it happened to me a few years ago.

Other Person: You’re not a mother, are you? You don’t look old enough to have kids.

I looked plenty old enough to have kids, but still…Best words ever. Then he continued:

Other Person: Well, maybe next year I’ll wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.


Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there! And if you’re not a mother yet, maybe next year will be your year. Besides you don’t look old enough to have kids anyway. Do you even have your driver’s license yet?

Choosy Dogs Choose Jif

Ozzy Pups never used to bark. At anyone. At anything (except the printer that one time).

Then, about two years ago, we moved. And the dog across the street barks every time someone walks by.

So does the dog next door. And the dog across the street and two houses up. So does the dog three houses up and the dog that lives behind us.

You get the point.

Now Ozzy barks when dogs walk by and almost every time someone comes to the door.

Which is awesome when I’m trying to get Scout to sleep.

Even awesomer now that Scout is down to one nap that just so happens to take place exactly when our mail person arrives. Nothing better than seeing your little one’s eyes flutter as you read them a story, and then BOOM! BARK! BARK! BARK!

Like I said, Awesome.

That leaves me with only one choice. To sacrifice the peanut butter….

Choosy Dogs Choose Jif

Choosy Dogs Choose Jif


Oh. My. God. Becky, Look at Her Butt….

Scout looks absolutely nothing like me. She might have my hair, but Kiefer’s hair is darkish, too, so it’s hard to tell.

If I hadn’t been in labor with her for nearly 30 hours, I might question that she was actually my child.

But the other day, this happened:


And it reminded me of this:


Look familiar? Are you looking at my butt? Because that’s not what I meant. Scout’s wearing a diaper, so you can’t really compare our butts.

We both love giant beanbags!

You’re still looking at my butt, aren’t you?



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