Move Over Mel Gibson! Scout Is Braveheart

Before it got chilly, Scout and I played outside. Her favorite game is called Baby Tries to Eat the Grass While Mommy Yells, “Get It Outta Your Mouth.”

It’s fun. No, really.

Then we discovered the soccer ball.

My initial reaction was Scout’s baby gibberish loosely translated to “You may take our lives/soccer ball, but you can never take our freedom!”

But maybe that was too hasty. Maybe she was really saying…

• Are you blind, ref?!?! That ball was out!
• Put me in coach! I’m ready to play…today!
• What the heck, Mommy! I can’t fit this soccer ball in my mouth!

What do you think Scout is saying? Or what do you think Ozzy Pups is thinking?

It’s Rex Manning Day!

I’m declaring today the official Rex Manning Day.  I can do that. I have that authority.

Now we just have to get the President to declare it a Federal holiday. Please sign the petition by commenting below.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (::head shaking at you, not with you::)…educate yourselves! Watch Empire Records…since my blog is named after that movie. But if you don’t have that kind of time, at the very least, watch the Rex Manning video.

Please celebrate by saying or doing one or more of the following:

• The fat man walks alone.
• Glue quarters to the floor.
• The time to hesitate is through.
• Carry around a couch cushion.
• Leave a red bra on the table of a restaurant.
• What’s with today today?

Happy Rex Manning Day!

Why Y’All Gotta Waste My Flavor?

Sometimes I’m too focused. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes it’s a bad thing. For example, I love the movie Empire Records so much that I forget other movies exist.

So when Darla reminded me that Mark from Empire Records is in other movies, like Can’t Hardly Wait , I rewatched it. And I realized that EVERYONE is in that movie.

Every. One. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Marshall from How I Met Your Mother, Joy from My Name Is Earl, Les from Newsies, and the list just keeps going.

Anyways, the first 5 minutes of the movie reminded me why it’s awesome: Pop-Tarts.

If he had been eating an unfrosted Pop-Tart, I would have turned it off.

Any movie with Pop-Tarts is my kind of movie.

Here’s what I learned:

• You’re destined to be with someone if you’re both eating Pop-Tarts. (I recently applied this knowledge in my life.)
• You know what kind of girls are in college? Girls who used to be in high school.
• If your friend tells you you’re prettier than Gwyneth Paltrow, your friend is lying.
• Beer doesn’t go bad. It just tastes like that (i.e., bad).

Virgins should not attempt this move.

• You should always carry a bookbag full of sex stuff because you’ll never know when you’ll lose your virginity.
• There are plenty of trolley cars in the sea.
• The song “Mandy” is about Barry Manilow’s dog.

Most importantly, I learned that Fate only takes you so far, the rest is upto you.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Do you think the gum is so expensive because it doubles as plane repair adhesive?”—GoJulesGo

As You Wish

Haaaaaave you met Misty? Meeting and friending her should be your #1 priority. Why? Because whenever I see her, she gives me something. Usually vodka or Pop-Tarts.

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I have a confession to make. While I consider myself pretty well read…having a degree in English Lit, another degree in Law, and making a consistent attempt to read at least a few books a month (that I try to fit in around my busy TV watching work and child rearing schedule), there is one book that I shamefully have never read. And that book is…The Princess Bride.

But then again, who needs books when you have movies? And in fact, The Princess Bride movie is one of the funniest, most irreverent, clever and iconic movies that I have ever seen. And Thoughtsy’s Movies Teach Us is all about movies, so I guess the fact that I’ve seen this movie more than a few hundred dozen times, is a good start on this post, yes? Who needs books anyway?

There are many life lessons contained in this epic movie. From the very beginning, if you were a child of the 80’s like me, the very sounds of the dated Atari-like baseball video game brings you back to a more innocent and childlike period in your life. A time when, like the young boy in the film, you were home sick from school and your grandfather came to read you a book to pass the time. Where you happily shut down your video game and accepted your doting grandpa’s playful cheek pinch, and settled in for an afternoon of literary entertainment. I mean, that happened to you all the time when you were young, right? Ok, fine… it didn’t happen here either. Whilst there is the whole sick kid/grandpa reading thing, as most young boys would be, this one is similarly unenthused about his grandpa’s visit. But things change soon after the opening pages of the novel, which the boy promises to “try to stay awake” for.

RIP Peter Falk.

Much like the character Fred Savage plays in this movie, I too learned quite a lot from this movie. One of the most important lessons I learned was that after all these years, I still can pretty much quote it verbatim. So, even though I might not remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, it’s good to know that arcane 80’s movie dialogue is still firmly implanted in the ole recesses of my noggin’. Score!

Lessons From The Princess Bride

• ROUS’s definitely exist, and you should NOT expect Buttercup to help save you from them.
• The Dread Pirate Roberts does not take prisoners . . . except for those times where he does.
• Death cannot stop true love.
• “No more rhymes now, I mean it! (Anybody want a peanut?)”
• “You keep using that word . . . I do not think it means what you think it means.”
• “I am not left handed.”
• People in masks cannot be trusted.
• Masks are terribly comfortable and everyone will be wearing them in the future.
• “You put down your rock and I put down my sword and we try to kill each other like civilized people.”

Inconceivable!

• Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
• Life IS pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
• Lies do not become men of action.
• Always be honest if it is for posterity.
• If you are seven feet tall and yell at everyone to move, they will part like the Red Sea.
• Fezzik jogs memories too hard.
• Bringing up a painful subject is like giving a paper cut and pouring lemon juice on it.
• People can be only mostly dead, which is slightly alive.
• True love is the greatest thing in the world . . . except for a nice MLT. Mutton, lettuce & tomato, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe.
•  Mawedge. Mawedge is what bwings us togevah today.
• “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
• There is a worse fate than “to the death.”
  

  Drop. Your. Sword.

• Fred Savage doesn’t mind the kissing parts so much.

And finally . . .

• “As you wish” means “I love you.”

The Breakfast of Champions

Haaaave you met Darla over at She’s a Maineiac? 

She’s in Maine. Hence her blog name: Maineiac. All that you really need to know about her is that she’s awesome. And…she does celebrity impressions. Vlog, Vlog, Vlog…. Are you chanting? Please tell me I’m not the only one chanting.

Without further ado, may I present to you her Movies Teach Us post.

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I just finished the first year in my pursuit of another college degree. Going back to school at my age brought up many long-buried memories of high school.  Now that final exams are over, I decided nothing could cheer me up more than watching one of my favorite movies for the millionth time. Its life lessons have stood the test of time.

Things I Learned About Life from the movie The Breakfast Club

• When drawing a winter landscape scene, dandruff is a great substitute for snow.
• Never eat your fingernails during detention because the sound is deafening and will only earn you one of Bender’s patented glares.
  

  Don’t even think about it, bud.

• Never try to prop open a heavy door with a flimsy chair.
• You’re super cool only if you wear fingerless gloves and a red bandana wrapped around your boots.
• If you want to get a rise out of a man, simply accuse him of wearing tights in public.

Go on, Bender. Mention tights again.

• When discussing your detention and a teacher asks you, “Do you want another one?” always answer: “So” or “Yes” or “Eat my shorts” or “Not even close, bud.” Always emphasize the word ‘bud’. Teachers love that.
• You can light your cigarette using your shoe.
• You can light your cigarette using your teeth.

I am the master of the flame, baby.

• Ripping pages from a book and angrily putting cards back in the card catalog means you’re a rebel.
• If you repeatedly ask a girl, “Are you a virgin?” be prepared to have Emilio Estevez pile-drive your face into the floor.
• When you’re really fed up with school, just go to the gym and play some angry basketball. Wearing only one sneaker.
• Cigarette smoking helps kids from all social backgrounds bond.
• If you want to be considered ‘kooky’ just wear dark eyeliner and a giant parka, give the Crazy Eyes a lot and steal everyone’s wallets.

What. I’m cold. And I like to put Pixie Stix and Cap’n Crunch cereal in my sandwich. Whatever.

• When all the injustices in high school bring you down and you feel like you’ve lost all hope: Dance.
• The jock will kiss you, but only if you ditch the parka and get Molly Ringwald to slap some makeup on you.
• Even if you have to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention, in the end you will find out that each one of us is each one of us: the jock, the criminal, the basket case, the princess. So we’re all the same on the inside. Or something like that. I guess. Whatever.