No Diapers for Me

I need to vent. About someone. Someones. About mothers.

Let me clarify that I’m not talking about all mothers. Just some. Probably not you. You and me…we’re good.

This weekend was Radley’s birthday party, and Kiefer had to run to the store, so I was the only adult there when children were getting dropped off. Several of the parents know me now, so they happily left their children with me.

But it reminded me of Radley’s birthday party last year when I had an unfortunate encounter with a mother. I know I tend to exagerrate, but this time I’m not.

The mother and I were chatting, and then suddenly she asked the question that doomed our conversation.

Mother: So are you Boo or Radley’s mother?

Me: Neither. They’re both Kiefer and his ex’s children.

Mother (starts looking around for a child she doesn’t recognize): Do you and Kiefer have any children?

Me: Nope.

And that was the end of our conversation. She didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night.

Seriously? Since when did not having children make me a lower life form and unworthy of your conversation?

Do I have any children? No.

But you know what? I know a thing or two about children.

  • I spent years babysitting.
  • I used to be a teacher.
  • I have friends with children.
  • I have a cat who sometimes wakes me up several times a night. At least your infant will grow out of that.
  • And I’ve spent the last 2.5 years with Boo and Radley.
  • And just because I don’t have a child doesn’t mean I don’t want one.

All of that makes me worthy of your conversation. I swear I’m not going to look at you and say, “Bay-bee? What’s that?”

Refusing to talk to me means I have to resort to other forms of entertainment: Like picturing you buried up to your neck in a mound of dirty diapers.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

49 responses to “No Diapers for Me

  • 36x37

    What a ridiculous, socially inept woman. I’m sorry, Thoughts. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

    I read a similar post not long ago, where the blogger had an experience similar to the one you describe above. It says more about those moms and their lack of finesse in the art of conversation than it does anything else.

  • Sass

    Its not just mothers who do that. Have you ever been the only single person in a group of couples? I’m only 21 and I have experienced that. I think its ridiculous that people feel the need to be so….. discriminating, judgmental, immature, impolite. Take your pick of adjectives.

  • Amy

    Some (again, not all by a long-shot) mothers become so socially inept that they can’t talk about anything unless it relates to their children. It’s probably better that she walked away. You would have been bored with the conversation anyway.

  • leashieloo

    A lot of people I know either have children or are planning for children. I do not fall in either category. While it doesn’t make me feel like a lowly life form, it does make me feel left out at times. I can’t relate to diapers and potty training, but in a weird way I’m glad.

  • Thypolar

    How incredibly ridiculous. Did you throw your pop tarts at her? I would have thrown something…..Actually I would have stood across the room and made stupid faces at her (while sticking my tongue out like a four year old) for the rest of the day.

    Lets shift thoughts. What if she became panicked at the thought of having to carry on a conversation that didn’t involve dirty diapers. Maybe she is uneducated and without life experience. Maybe she didn’t look down on you, but rather became intimidated. I still would have made the faces though 😉

  • nikki04

    Ugh. People. I swear.

    She should come talk to me. Lady, I don’t even want a relationship right now. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

  • bluntdelivery

    sigh. women.

    this is why i write them off.

    don’t worry, i have no kids either and for some reason i’m not included in the “circle” of friends that i’ve known since childhood anymore – cus they all have kids.

    it’s like the MOM CLUB. and it’s apparently, very exclusive.

  • welcome to the middle of life

    There is definitely a “Mom Club”. Some are inclusive of non-moms, some are not. I get the same crap being single. If you’re not part of a couple, then couples don’t typically invite you to do things with them.
    But that lady you wrote about? She was just plain rude.

  • Karin

    I hear you on this one!!!
    As an ex-nanny (7 years!!) and with an degree in ECE…people still don’t give me any credit…maybe because I don’t have kids of my own. But I am knowledgeable and so it shouldn’t matter.
    And speaking of getting ignored…I hear ya there too! I went to court for my volunteer job and was completely ignored by some lawyers, because they assumed what I had to say was not relevant. It is rude, and no excuse.
    People need to open their minds.

  • adventuresofpretendcook

    I hate mothers like that. I don’t have kids, but I do want them someday. People sometimes look at me like I’m crazy because my husband and I didn’t have kids right away. They act like my life isn’t complete until we have kids. Ha.

  • Chase McFadden

    KAW would find it refreshing to talk with someone who doesn’t have kids so that isn’t the automatic default topic, but she’s sort of atypical like that. Thus, Kick Ass.

    If it would help, I can send out a loaner next time you have a get-together. P Motion to get the party started? TC #4 to keep the conversation light and brisk?

  • TL

    That is terrible! I can’t believe anyone would be that rude! Woah.

  • Girls with Prius Envy

    Blah and lame. I don’t even know where’s she’s coming from, but kudos to you for ignoring her, picturing her up to her eyeballs in poop and then calmly blog posting about it. 😉

    Along with mothers like her – are the mothers I deal with – the parent’s of my students who I find myself parenting all the time. Seriously?! I’m 25, have ZERO children and I could parent your 4 kids better than you’re “attempting” to.

    Yikes,
    Bridget

  • Classic

    Ouch, sorry about the mommy-encounter; it appears as though she saw you as unfit for such an elite group. In my opinion, you’d make for a great mom 😀

  • LBB

    I HAVE a kid and I don’t know anything about them!

  • aka gringita

    As the only Childless in a close-knit circle of Moms, I am used to how much women with children – without realizing it or having any bad intention – tend to talk about their kids. I know they don’t do it to exclude me, and I happen to love their kids (and my nieces), so I don’t mind.

    You know, except on the days when I’m feeling brittle about it … and then I do mind, just a teensy bit. 😉

    But I was really shocked at a recent business workshop where we were assigned to talk to another person (assigned at random), get to know something about each other, and find something in common. The woman I was matched with went straight to married-with-kids, and when I turned out to be divorced-no-kids she was well and truly stumped what to talk to me about. Her whole demeanor changed in an instant and even though I kept throwing out other possibilities (hobbies? interests? recent movies? anything?), I swear if she could have traded me for another partner she would have in a heartbeat. She was just really cold about the fact that I wasn’t also-a-mom and I’m not sure why that is. I don’t know how I would have reacted to that, if I were in just a slightly different emotional place about having kids.

  • Angela Noelle

    Ugh. Moms can be so disgustingly cliquish. At our old Air Force base, I was ignored on more than one occasion at socials or get togethers because I wasn’t “one of them”. I’ve been fortunate at our new base that I was already really good friends with one of the girls who is very involved, so I was able to get my foot in the door and befriended even though I don’t have kids. But seriously, how stupid is it that I have to GET MY FOOT IN THE DOOR!!?! With women who hang out with BABIES all day!?!

    I hope someone shoots me if I ever turn into that woman.

  • barb7802

    Hey, it is her problem, she just “dumped” some of her issues on you. Years ago, I was made to feel that way only opposite. At a social function, I was asked if I had children. Yes, I have 3 beautiful children. This person then looked at me and asked, “What else do you do!” I just assumed she had misplaced her Broom and was being snippy.
    You are a good person. This woman….not so much!
    Barb

  • Zahara

    She probably just needed a pop-tart.

  • The Edmonton Tourist

    FYI,it does not make you a lower life form. It shows you how THAT women’s brain fell out after SHE had children. The inability to have a conversation about something OTHER than her children is incredibly difficult. I have two kids, I love them but I am more than a mother. Too bad she is not. Too bad most mothers lose themselves.
    This post made me chuckle.
    Cheers 🙂

  • TheIdiotSpeaketh

    D’Aun can relate. She faced the same thing during the 6 years we had my two kids before Tyler was born. just ignore that ignorant woman who brushed you off. I’m sure you are great with Kiefers kids. 🙂

  • Life From the Trenches

    As a mom, I would LOVE to have a conversation that didn’t include potty training, poop, or developmental milestones.
    She missed out!

    Amy

  • mescribe

    Woooow, that’s harsh. Some people are so strange. I mean, to me that’s strange. It’s a form of passive aggressive racism. Mother’s against non-mother’s. And it’s like you say, just because you don’t have children of your own doesn’t mean you can’t discuss the topic. Though if someone can ONLY talk about their kids and nothing else, I’m thinking perhaps you were better off with her just walking away.

  • omawarisan

    See, she’s just…

    Wait, I cant even make something positive up about someone like that.

  • letmestartbysaying

    What an asshat.

    I hope her kids don’t turn out like her.

  • hoodyhoo

    right there with ya, babe. What I hate is that they always assume there must be some medical thing wrong with me: “You don’t have any kids? Oh, what happened?” Dude, I got up this morning and took a pill — JUST LIKE I”VE DONE EVERY DAY FOR 20 YEARS. Newsflash — I’m doing it on purpose.

  • Bonnie

    Very interesting post, Thoughts! Good grief, I can’t believe she couldn’t or wouldn’t at least just change the subject and move on with the conversation. Here’s yet another interesting ‘twist’ I thought might interest you… I know of a few women who have had their children a little later than I did (I had mine at 20). Because I am not in the current ‘genre’ they are in, I get the strong impression that it’s pretty much null and void that I ever even had a kid. Too funny, huh? 😀

  • erica

    My hair stylist is a step mom and she has noticed that even though she is the primary caretaker of her husband’s son, at parent teacher conferences, the teachers act like she isn’t there and talk to the mother who is not involved with her son’s day to day activities or studies. I think that some moms feel like they need to support other moms against the “enemy” (evil new girlfriends.)
    Her loss.

    • thoughtsappear

      That’s sad that she’s being treated that way. To me, it makes it much cooler when Boo and Radley’s teachers and friends’ parents do treat me like I’m a part of their lives.

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