Tag Archives: Movies

The Safest Way to Wish Someone a Happy’s Mother’s Day

A few years ago I dreaded going out on Mother’s Day. Miscarriages will do that to you. People assume you’re a mother and then you break down crying and the well-wisher assumes all mothers are crazy and becomes sympathetic to Norman Bates.

Or maybe you’re like me years before that and have a boyfriend who takes forever to propose and when people wish you a “Happy Mother’s Day!” your response is “I’ll never have kids!”

Anyways…the point is there is only one safe way to wish someone a “Happy Mother’s Day!” And it happened to me a few years ago.

Other Person: You’re not a mother, are you? You don’t look old enough to have kids.

I looked plenty old enough to have kids, but still…Best words ever. Then he continued:

Other Person: Well, maybe next year I’ll wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.

Maybe.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there! And if you’re not a mother yet, maybe next year will be your year. Besides you don’t look old enough to have kids anyway. Do you even have your driver’s license yet?


Never Teach Your Child to Blow a Raspberry

I can’t remember exactly how it started, but I think when Scout was a couple months old, we started blowing raspberries to her while she was having her diaper changed. It distracted her and kept her from fussing.

Then one day she blew one back at me. So I blew one at her again. And she blew one back at me. And this went on for 5 minutes or so.

Thoughtsy: It’s like she’s trying to communicate!

It was funny.

Until one day, it wasn’t.

Complete Stranger in Line Behind Us at Target: Awwww…your baby is so cute!

Scout: ::pbbbbbbbbt::

 Awesome. Just awesome. What a rude little baby. At least she’s cute.

20141227_152952

 


Move Over Mel Gibson! Scout Is Braveheart

Before it got chilly, Scout and I played outside. Her favorite game is called Baby Tries to Eat the Grass While Mommy Yells, “Get It Outta Your Mouth.”

It’s fun. No, really.

Then we discovered the soccer ball.

soccer

My initial reaction was Scout’s baby gibberish loosely translated to “You may take our lives/soccer ball, but you can never take our freedom!”

But maybe that was too hasty. Maybe she was really saying…

  • Are you blind, ref?!?! That ball was out!
  • Put me in coach! I’m ready to play…today!
  • What the heck, Mommy! I can’t fit this soccer ball in my mouth!

What do you think Scout is saying? Or what do you think Ozzy Pups is thinking?


Snow White Was Shorter Than Dopey

Because Kiefer and I are Halloween-obsessed, the day Scout was born (maybe the day after), he declared she would be Carlos for Halloween.

No. Just no.

After buying boy things for Boo and Radley for years, I refused to not have a cute girly outfit for her first Halloween.

So we compromised. She was Carlos just long enough to take one picture, and then she was magically transformed…into Snow White.

snow white

Please excuse the picture quality. Trying to get a baby to sit still and look at the camera is hard enough, let alone fix the lighting.

As you can see, Snow White was actually shorter than the dwarves. She also likes Snickers, not poisoned apples.


It’s Rex Manning Day!

I’m declaring today the official Rex Manning Day.  I can do that. I have that authority.

Now we just have to get the President to declare it a Federal holiday. Please sign the petition by commenting below.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (::head shaking at you, not with you::)…educate yourselves! Watch Empire Records…since my blog is named after that movie. But if you don’t have that kind of time, at the very least, watch the Rex Manning video.

Please celebrate by saying or doing one or more of the following:

  • The fat man walks alone.
  • Glue quarters to the floor.
  • The time to hesitate is through.
  • Carry around a couch cushion.
  • Leave a red bra on the table of a restaurant.
  • What’s with today today?

Happy Rex Manning Day!


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