Tag Archives: crack

Adults Like Pop-Tarts, Too

Before I went to BlogHer last year, I asked Kellogg’s if they would send me some promotional Pop-Tart stuff to hand out.

This was their response (exagerrated paraphrased):

We’re glad you are addicted to, errrr, love Pop-Tarts. Unfortunately, we can’t just go around sending free Pop-Tarts to anyone who asks for them.

Excuse me? Don’t you know who I am? I’m not just anyone: I’m your unofficial spokesperson.

pop-tarts

Sure, if you Google “Pop-Tarts” and go to “Images, ” my blog doesn’t come up until page 10, but if you Google “Pop-Tart vodka,” I’m on page 1 and every other page. In fact, almost half of those pictures are from my blog.

  • An early picture of my vodka collection (It has since then doubled.)
  • Pop-Tarts from the Hipster
  • Mini vodka bottles
  • The Dude-flavored vodka
  • Me blowing out the candle on the birthday cupcake from Misty
  • Me eating Misty’s homemade maple-bacon Pop-Tart
  • A picture of me and Jules.

And so many other pictures of random vodka flavors and random Pop-Tart flavors, always lamenting for Pop-Tart vodka.

I realize a lot of them are vodka-related, and that isn’t real marketable to a younger audience, but adults like Pop-Tarts, too.

That’s my new slogan: Adults Like Pop-Tarts, Too.

Would adding “Boo-Ya!” at the end be too much?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Dear Mom, It’s my job and I’m doing it Like a Boss. Love, Your Little Pup-Tart. PS – Sleep is overrated. You’ll want to put that on a sleep shirt. PPS – That’s called irony & I’m already a genius.”—NanaBread

 

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Confession: I Don’t Like Peeps

It’s that time of year again. Time to overindulge on Cadbury Creme Crack Eggs.

I love that crack-filled chocolatey goodness, but the sugar…it disorients me. It allows me to get too easily distracted…by Peeps.

Their colorfulness draws me closer and closer. So preeeetty….

Then I think: I like marshmallow. And I like sugar. So I must like Peeps, right?

No. No, I don’t.

peeps

Me Pre-Pop-Tart. It’s not pretty.

Confession #2: I don’t like Peeps.

I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense. One possible explanation is the texture that I feel guilty biting the heads off of little fake animals. But exploding them in the microwave, that’s totally fine.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “WHEW! What a relief. At first glance I thought you and The Hipster had crabs. And I couldn’t, for the life of me, understand why you would blog about it.”—SandyLand


3.14…Did Someone Say Pi?

Math is not one of my strengths. It used to be. I rocked math until 11th grade. That’s when I took Pre-Calc and Trig, earned my first C, and it was all downhill from there.

I swore off math forever. Well…until I was required to take a math class in college. Then Math and I came to agreement. Math agreed to leave me alone as long as I retained the basic skills needed to balance my checkbook or convert measurements for baking. After that, we shook hands and went our separate ways.

Until now. Tomorrow is 3-14: Pi Day.

When the Accidental Stepmom announced her Pi Day Pie Challenge, I decided to let a small slice of math back into my life.

May I present to you…my Pi Day Pie.

The recipe came from NanaBread. But the center decoration  of Cherry 3 Musketeers was all my idea.

I hope I didn't go overboard on the syrup.

I hope I didn’t go overboard on the syrup.

I may have added even more chocolate syrup after this picture was taken.

There’s till time to submit your own pie! You have until midnight tonight!

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Friends don’t let friends drunk dance with aliens. That’d make a great t-shirt.”—Chase McFadden


This Is Not the Post You’re Looking For

After visiting my little brother in LA, I’m flying to the East Coast, and approximately 14 hours later, I’m headed back to the West Coast for work.

Which means…my blog will suffer, but I’ve predrafted this search terms post for you to read.

You’re welcome.

The following search terms brought the boys to the yard people to my blog:

  • Cat Playing in Toilet. Yep. Got that.
  • My Butt in See-Through Panties. Ain’t got that.
  • How to Fluff Your Lovesac. Got that.
  • Pop-Tart Addicts. I can stop any time I want!
  • White Chocolate Pop-Tarts. WHERE?! I mean…that sounds racist.
  • End of World Butt. Uhhhh…no. You should probably go see a doctor.
  • What Is a Pennis? Probably the same thing as a Pianist.

Have a great week!

What’s the funniest search term that’s brought someone to your blog?


There’s a Boogie in My Candy

The other night at the grocery store, I saw this:

…and then I wondered, “Is it legal to sell creme crack when it’s not Easter? Is that bunny in the witch hat setting me up? And why are the creme crack eggs in the same aisle as the olives? ”

So…many…questions. My head was beginnning to spin when the bunny spoke to me. Apparently, just being around creme crack makes you hallucinate.

Bunny: Fear not! I bring unto you tidings of great joy. You can now enjoy the Cadbury Creme Eggs 6 months prior to Easter.

Thoughtsy: But…but…they’re green.

Bunny: Fear not! They taste the same. Don’t be racist against the green creme.

Thoughtsy: But they look like boogies.

Bunny: Just eat the freakin’ egg.

People, when a bunny tells you to eat something, you do it.

I think Slimer slimed in my egg.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Very true. I find watching people struggle with the behavior of their older kids helps. What?”—Cannibalistic Nerd