When You’re Not Allowed to Ask for Help….

Kiefer recently returned from a 2-week trip. That means it was just me, Scout, and Ozzy ALL the time. Plus Boo and Radley for a couple nights.

Whenever Kiefer leaves—as in within minutes of him getting on the plane and turning off his cell phone—Boo and Radley’s mom calls.

Their Mom: Can you keep the boys tonight/tomorrow night/whenever?

Thoughtsy: Yes….

Forget that I already have plans or have nothing they’ll eat for dinner or was really just looking forward to sitting around pantsless.

This happens for each of Kiefer’s trips…multiple times a trip. To the point that I felt like she knew I wouldn’t say no, so she was taking advantage of the situation.

Two weeks is a long time to not see Boo and Radley, so it’s nice to see them while Kiefer’s away.

But it’s not so nice when I have to pick Radley up from school, take Scout for a drive to nap because she’s transitioning from 3 naps to 2, have to pick up Boo from basketball practice, and make dinner. And the last three things happen in the same 45-minute period.

I need time to mentally prepare myself for that kind of craziness. Not an hour’s notice.

To avoid me having a breakdown while Kiefer was away, he sent his ex an email with the days the boys would stay at our house.

Cue nastiness. She got angry. Said the boys didn’t have to stay there at all and that she could just keep them the whole time.

When the first day rolled around that Boo and Radley were supposed to stay with me, I wasn’t sure if they were coming or not. They came. It was a jam-packed night, but we made it through.

Dear Kiefer’s Ex,

Remember what it was like with your first baby? Remember that you had no idea what you were doing? Remember when you would take the baby for a drive because it-just-won’t-nap-and-you-just-want-to-take-a-shower-dang-it?

Now throw in two other children—who are yours, but not yours. You’re a stepmom, and you really don’t want to lose your patience or temper (SHHHHH! The baby is SLEEPING!) with your stepchildren lest they start dubbing you the “evil stepmother.”

I’m a new mom. I’m a new stepmom. And I’m new to single-parenting…even if it’s only for 2 weeks. All I’m saying is…I need some help, some notice, some understanding.

Thanks, 

Thoughtsy

PS: Kiefer’s next trip is next month, so please reread this letter in January.

Piglet Frenched My Daughter: A Mommy Fail

Scout spends her days climbing over Ozzy Pups and crawl-chasing Esme Kitty. Because she loves animals so much, I took her twice (with different “boyfriends”—Kiefer loves it when I say that) to a petting farm.

She especially loved the piggies.

No, I mean she really loved them. And they loved her. Literally.

Piggy Kiss!

Oops.

So was this a Mommy fail? On one hand, she was exposed to some dirt and germs to build up her immune system. On the other hand, ewwww! Germs!

Not to mention the future dating standards. What if Scout never meets someone who can kiss better than that pig? What if he set the bar too high?

Snow White Was Shorter Than Dopey

Because Kiefer and I are Halloween-obsessed, the day Scout was born (maybe the day after), he declared she would be Carlos for Halloween.

No. Just no.

After buying boy things for Boo and Radley for years, I refused to not have a cute girly outfit for her first Halloween.

So we compromised. She was Carlos just long enough to take one picture, and then she was magically transformed…into Snow White.

Please excuse the picture quality. Trying to get a baby to sit still and look at the camera is hard enough, let alone fix the lighting.

As you can see, Snow White was actually shorter than the dwarves. She also likes Snickers, not poisoned apples.

Oh Where, Oh Where Can My Baby Be?

Dear Pod People,

Please return my baby. My perfect little baby who…

• Takes 3-4 45-minute naps a day every 2 or 2.5 hours.
• Sleeps through the night for 10 hours.
• Puts herself back to sleep when she wakes up.
• Sleeps in her crib.

I do not appreciate the pod baby you have left in her place. You see, the pod baby is teething.

Don’t be fooled by the cuteness. This IS a future pod person.

The pod baby you see above is not as easy going as my baby. This pod baby nurses to sleep, wakes up an hour later, must fall back asleep on me, and then wakes up every time she goes back into the crib, so I finally give up and bring the pod baby into Mommy and Daddy’s bed where the pod baby decides every few hours that she must sleep on me, not next to me.

And, of course, I get no sleep because I’m convinced I will either roll on said pod baby or roll over while the baby is on top, which will send the baby onto the floor.

I was willing to take care of the pod baby until my husband and I had this conversation:

Thoughtsy: When does the teething stop?

Kiefer: I think they have all their teeth around 2 years.

Thoughtsy: NOOOOOOOOOO!

So there you have it. Just when I thought sleep was once again mine for the taking, I find out there’s another year and a half of no sleep.

Faaaaaantastic.

How To Eat a Giant Rice Krispie Treat

Scout is just a little over 4 months, and she’s interested in food. Specifically, my food.

Even more specifically, my birthday food.

A friend sent me a giant Rice Krispie Treat. It’s the length of my arm. I’m sorry I can’t hold the phone out far enough to show you the full magnitude.

 

Scout overheard the doctor saying she can start eating rice cereal, and she took the initiative to begin with my Rice Krispie Treat.

There was only one problem.

She is still working on hand-and-eye coordination. And she doesn’t know what a wrapper is.

May I present how Scout eats Rice Krispie Treats.

Step 1: Use Your Tongue.

Kiefer and I take responsibility for this. I may have given her a lick of my strawberry popsicle. She liked it. Then Kiefer may have given her a lick of his lime popsicle. She may have definitely not liked it.

Step 2: Try Biting.

Step 3: Show Your Frustration…

Hopefully, someone will take pity on you despite the fact that you’re a baby and have no teeth.

*Scout had her first Pop-Tart rice cereal on Sunday. She was so excited she knocked the bowl out of my hands and all over her. Mommy Fail.