Pumpkins Will One Day Rule the World

It’s that time of year…the time of year where almost everyone* falls victim to Pumpkin Madness.

*Everyone but me.

Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin scones, pumpkin Oreos, pumpkin Pop-Tarts…. ::shudder::

Oh, Pop-Tarts, why have thou forsaken me?

And is if that’s not enough, now there are pumpkin bagels.

Tell me: When does it all end?

Nevermind. I can answer my own question: When Christmas flavors come into season…which should be any day now since it’s mid-October.

I Knew It…Even Babies Hate Pumpkins

It’s that time of year. Pumpkin flavor has returned.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Have you seen the 16 Reasons You Should Never Reenact Pinterest Photos?

There’s a special section on pumpkins (ick!) and babies (awwww!).

Never will I ever put Scout in a pumpkin. Here’s why:

These poor, poor babies. Not one of them looks happy. They’re all crying except for the third one from the top, but I think that’s only because he was put in last, and he’s still a little dazed.

Or he has an escape plan.

So remember this picture the next time you see a pumpkin.

Just say no.

Radley Discovers the Pun

When Kiefer and I first started dating, Radley was 5. He was a cutie who always wanted me to carry him or let him sit in my lap.

We may or may not have also been into matching the color of our shirts.

And then one time, Radley farted…while he was in my lap.

I told him it would be great if he could stand up next time. So from then on, randomly he would pop off my lap, take a few steps away, fart, and then climb back into my lap.

It was hilarious.

In addition to farting-lapsitting etiquette, Radley also had no idea what sarcasm was.

Kiefer: Thoughtsy, look! A pumpkin scone!

Thoughtsy: My favorite!

Radley: Wait…I thought you didn’t like pumpkin?

Now Radley’s almost 11, and he loves sarcasm.

Radley: Now don’t eat my pumpkin pie, Thoughtsy. I know how much you love it.

Not only has he mastered sarcasm, he’s also mastered the pun:

Radley busts in on Boo while he’s in the bathroom. Screaming and laughing commences. Then…

Radley: Dad, I think I broke the bathroom door knob! I think it needs to be screwed back in.

Kiefer: Stop screwing around up there! (This pun was completely unintentional.)

Radley: Nice one, Dad. I see what you did there. Screw. Ha-ha!

Radley still has a lot to learn though.

Radley: I want to be Michael Myers or Jason for Halloween.

A couple weeks later when Kiefer and I were watching Halloween…

Radley: Who is that guy?

Obviously, we’ve spent too much time on word play and not enough time watching horror movies.

Got any kid stories to share? They don’t have to be your kids.

Not on Apple Dumpling Day

Dear Baby,

It’s fall. You know what that means?  It’s overstuff-yourself-with-yummy-dessert season.* This season begins on Halloween and runs until the last Christmas cookie is dipped in hot chocolate and devoured.

*Pumpkin pie is not included in this season in our house. In fact, even uttering the word “pumpkin” will get you a mouth full of soap.

Up until this point, I’ve tolerated your fruity cravings and indulged you with popsicles instead of ice cream. But now…now we need to talk.

While I appreciate that you’re no longer squishing my bladder, I’m asking you to occasionally stop squishing my stomach. If that means returning to bladder bouncing, so be it.

The other day work was selling warm, homemade apple dumplings. Warm. Homemade. As if that wasn’t enough, a scoop of vanilla ice cream graced the top and meltily trickled down the sides.

And I couldn’t finish it.

Lucky for you, no one saw the leftover goodness in my trashcan.

Thanksgiving is just over a week away. Step up your game. We have a reputation to uphold.

Sincerely,

Your Mama

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “My favorite response from IT is ‘I realize you’re young and tech savy, but my boss remembers when the technology of calculators could run the space missions; and I’m being recorded, so as much as I hate it, I need you to unplug the computer and plug it back in.’”—The Jessence

I Won the Pumpkin Battle

They had me outnumbered….

But I triumphed.