Watermelon Seed Karma

Last Friday I revealed that I hate watermelon seeds. Even the little white ones you’re allowed to eat. I made removing these seeds a requirement for my future husband, and apparently it has come back to haunt me. Or maybe I’ve just seen a glimpse of my future.

Kiefer and I had a small cookout this weekend, and one of our friends brought her two children, who are adorable. (Even when they repeatedly asked me where my own children were…like 50 times.)

I don’t have any children, but those of you who do can probably attest to the fact that a single parent with two young children barely has any time to eat her own food. So Kiefer and I tried to help out with the little ones so the single mother could actually chew her food before swallowing it.

Cue the watermelon. The little boy took one look at the juicy triangle before pointing to the seeds. He didn’t want to eat them.

This 4-year-old boy and I were one and the same. So I proceeded to use my fork to dig out some of the white seeds for him. So we played pass the watermelon. He took a bite and then handed it back to me to remove more seeds.

Kiefer laughed at me the whole time because he thought I was annoyed.

Well, I wasn’t, so the joke was on him. I didn’t want to eat the seeds either. How could I fault the kids for the same thing?

You take a bite of red, juicy watermelon. Maybe a little juice trickles down your chin. Then you bite into a slimy, hard seed. Watermelon officially ruined.

And that’s when my future flashed before my very eyes. Me, a picky eater, raising a picky eater child. Does pickiness get worse with each generation? What could possibly be worse than removing watermelon seeds?

• Strawberry seeds. My child will refuse to eat strawberries unless all of those little seeds on the outside have been removed.
• Corn on the cob. My child will refuse to eat corn on the cob unless every last strand of the silk is removed.
• Are those nuts in those cookies? That simply won’t do.

What’s that? You say your chicken isn’t cut into perfect squares? The gravy is leaking from the mashed potatoes and is now touching the green beans, and now everything has been contaminated and you’ll need a new plate?!? Madness, I tell you, madness!

I’ll never be able to eat again once I have children. I’d better start stocking up now.