An Open Letter to Netflix

My dearest Netflix,

For years I have been a happy customer. Watching a movie requires only slipping into my flip flops and walking to the mailbox (in my pajamas if I want). Long gone are the days of dressing, brushing my teeth, searching for my keys, driving to the video store only to be distracted by some other errand I need to run, and then meandering around only to find that the DVD I want is out.

Your service allows me to be lazy, and for that I am eternally grateful (since I work my too-ushy off at work).

I also love that I can knock out a favorite TV series (How I Met Your Mother, True Blood, or Grey’s Anatomy just to name a few) with no waiting and no commercials.

But now, my dear Netflix, I have a complaint.

When I logged into Netflix this morning, why were you recommending Romantic Horror movies to me? The genre itself made me cock my head to the side in confusion and raise a questioning eyebrow.

Then I looked at the specific movies. Here’s a tiny sampling.

  • Twilight. Vampires do not a horror movie make. I think there was one slightly scary scene…for the weak of stomach viewers…and that’s being generous.
  • King Kong. Maybe back in 1976 a giant monkey was scary, but not any more. Even way back then (maybe I’m just not as old as you), was this really considered horror? And romantic? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the movie, but by romantic, do you mean how the monkey loves Jessica Lange? I prefer romance between two people, thank you very much.

Do you recommend Gremlins in the Children’s movie genre because Gizmo is in it?  I think not. I’d like to see Cujo right next to Hotel for Dogs. What? They’re both about dogs. I’m sure Cujo was cute at one point during the movie…in an insanely sharp teeth and foaming at the mouth kind of way.

So in the future, please refrain from mixing my genres in such an insane combination. If I want to watch a horror, I’ll rent Candyman or maybe Creep. If I want to watch campy horror, I’ll rent a Bruce Campbell movie like Evil Dead. If I feel like a romance, P.S. I Love You or maybe The Notebook.

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Sincerely,

A Horror Movie Lover Who Likes to Keep Romance Blood Free

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

13 responses to “An Open Letter to Netflix

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