John Dies at the End…Or Does He?

Over the weekend, I tried to watch a lot movies on Netflix Instant Viewing. 

I turned most of them off after 10 minutes (i.e., Cheerleader Ninjas and Da Hip Hop Witch—Don’t be fooled. Eminem may be in it, but it’s still a B movie.), but I then I stumbled across John Dies at the End.

I know what you’re thinking because I thought it, too: Interesting title. Except now I know how it ends. Buuuuuut…what if that’s not how it ends? What if the title is a trick? Or it’s opposite day.

There was only one thing to do. Watch it.

Here’s what I learned:

  • “Tomorrow’s the day we kill the President” means “Pick up some beer.”
  • If a girl explodes and bursts into snakes, she’s a ghost.
  • If a doorknob turns into a penis, men consider the door unopenable…even if it’s unlocked.
  • There is a drug called “Soy Sauce.”

    The first hit is free....

    The first hit is free….

  • Just because you rip a guy’s arm off doesn’t mean the arm still can’t strangle you.
  • Any injuries to your face can be explained in this way: “I fell…on a drill.”

Most importantly, I learned it’s a crime to unleash giant killer spiders on an unarmed crowd. It’s called arachnacide.

How many years in prison should you get for arachnacide?

Favorite Comment From Last Post:

  • “Happy birthday! Is that an apple over on the right? What’s that doing there?”—Laura
  • “Happy Birthday! Rock the hardness all day! Wait. That doesn’t sound right….”—SusieLindau
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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

23 responses to “John Dies at the End…Or Does He?

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