Tag Archives: You Can Buy My Friendship With Ice Cream

When Everyone Is Pregnant But You

You’ll see pregnant women everywhere two times during your life.

1. When you’re pregnant…but don’t know it yet.

If suddenly every woman you pass on the street is about to burst forth a baby, go buy a pregnancy test because you’re probably pregnant.

I think it has something to do with the increased sense of smell. You can smell out your own kind.

2. After you have a miscarriage.

After a miscarriage, pregnant women will also run rampid. And not just pregnant women, but babies.

It’s the babies that get to me. To date, I’ve broken out into tears upon seeing babies in the grocery store, on the street, and at a restaurant in the middle of dinner.

Here are my solutions to stopping crying. Not just miscarriage crying, but crying in general.

  1. Hugs from Kiefer. But not my Kiefer. Get your own Kiefer.
  2. Kisses from puppies. Like Ozzy. I’m willing to lend out Ozzy…for a small fee.
  3. Pop-Tarts. That’s why they come in a two-pack. One for you, one for me.
  4. Ice Cream. It’ll make you feel better if you share ice cream with a friend me.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “You should keep your eye on her…you DID say she was kind of slutty, and she IS kind of making moves on your man while you’re at work. Or she’s buttering him up for the kill. Either way—pay attention.”—Sugar Dish Me

Where the Soup of the Day is Tequila

I know I didn’t post last week, but I have a really good reason. Just give me second….


The ear Esme attacked got infected. They had to amputate it. And now I’m destined to spend the rest of my life walking around cupping my hand to my good ear and saying, “Eh?”

Instant Canadian.

Psych! (Yes, I just said, “Psych!”)

My ear is fine. I went to Fort Lauderdale for…

  • Ice cream?
  • Work?
  • Giant margaritas?
  • A blogger meetup?

All of the above are correct. I went for my Special Ops Ninja job (Yes, that’s totally a real job), and while I was down there, I met Lorraine from The Late Party Girls.

She rocks. And she took me to Jaxson’s: Home of the Kitchen Sink Sundae. No, we didn’t get it. They won’t give you that gargantuan-sized sundae unless you’re in a party of 4.

Obviously, they had no idea who they were dealing with because Lorraine and I are semi-anonymous. If only they’d known who we really were, we’d have been the exception.

Not wanting to reveal our secret identities, Lorraine and I settled for two scoops…which ended up being the size of our heads.

Also, while I was in Florida, Ddot and I partook in margaritas….which were also the size of our heads.

Ddot illustrating a hand-to-margarita size ratio.

That should be Fort Lauderdale’s new slogan.

Fort Lauderdale: Where Everything Yummy Is the Size of Your Head.

Carrot Cake Counts as a Vegetable

This is what happens when you send me to the store for ice cream. Consider yourself warned.

Carrot Cake, Red Velvet Cake, and Triple Chocolate Cake Ice Cream

Ice cream wasn’t enough for me. I needed cake and ice cream. (In addition to ice cream, I also came home with giant star-shaped marshmallows because, you know…giant star marshmallows!)

Why are you looking at me like that? The carrot cake ice cream counts as a vegetable.

Narrowing it down to 3 flavors was difficult because there was also Butterscotch Krimpet ice cream. But don’t worry. I’m going back to get it this weekend.

In case you were wondering, the triple chocolate cake flavor was my favorite. You probably knew that.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I just read that men prefer the scent of vanilla over perfume. So I could have used vanilla extract instead of spending $ on expensive perfume all these years? Muuuuuuther….”—NanaBread

What’s Next? Cupcake-Flavored Bacon?

It’s Taste Test Tuesday again! Have you noticed the influx of cupcake-flavored and cake-flavored food? I taste tested all of it.

A local fudge and ice cream shop has cupcake ice cream. A few weeks ago, Kiefer let me try a bite of his, and I demanded we return so I could get my own.

It’s a little melty because SOMEONE (ahem Kiefer) took forever to choose a flavor.

Thoughtsy: I’d like the cupcake ice cream in a cup. Extra sprinkles please.

Scooper: Have you tried it? Because a lot of people don’t like it.

Kiefer: She’s tried it. Why don’t people like it?

Scooper: A lot of people think it’s too sweet.

Kiefer and Thoughtsy:  Too sweet? BWAHAHAHAHA!

That’s right. I live in a town of amateurs.

I should also mention that Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month is Confetti Cake. Maybe I just got a bad one, but there was hardly any cake in it. FAIL!

And last, but not least, the food that holds a special place in my heart: Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts. Mmmmm….

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “What’s the big deal? I’ve got that exact same outfit.”—Skipping Stones

There’s Bacon in My Dessert

You know it’s going to be a good day when you wake up to see any of the following:

  • You haven’t overslept.
  • Your cat fed itself.
  • You’ve won the lottery.
  • Your roommates actually cleaned up the pizza box and half eaten slices instead of leaving them sit out all night. (I have a better chance of winning the lottery….)
  • Your blog is Freshly Pressed.
  • It’s not the zombie apocalypse…yet.
  • Yogi Castle, the greatest frozen yogurt place ever, is following you on Twitter.

That’s right: Yogi Castle is following ME on Twitter. Someone there knows all about the Yogi Castle Chronicles.

So every night for the rest of my life one night this week I’ll be celebrating with Yogi Castle’s new flavor:

Okay…so maybe I already celebrated.

Mounds Yogurt, Coconut, Cookie Dough, and Caramel and Vanilla Syrups

And for you weirdos freaks other people who like bacon in your dessert, there’s something for you, too.

Non-Fat Bay-con

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “What the hell are Peeps??? I’m Australian, so please use words like “beer” or “ale” and also “lager” to describe the treat.”—Captain Sweatpants

So many of the comments on the last post were hilarious. Also check out Ellie Ann’s, and Laurie’s, Queen Gen’s, and Vesta Vayne’s comment thread, which starts here.