Tag Archives: The Jolie

And That Makes Me the Jolie’s Half Sister Twice Removed

Hello, My name is Rebecca. I’ve recently reconnected with my birth family.

Let me explain…

One time when I was little,  I did something especially bad. Yes, you read that right. I did something bad only once in my childhood. I was an angel.

My mom was so surprised and angry (I don’t remember what I did, but it must have been really really bad) she said I couldn’t possibly be her child because her child would never have done that.

Years later, it became a joke.

  • I don’t need to learn the family apple dumpling recipe because I’m not a blood relation.
  • It was nice of you to invite me to Christmas dinner…since I’m not your real child.

Then Mephistopheles pointed out that I don’t look like anyone in my family. So I started asking questions…

Me: So…::nervous laughter::…Mephistopheles said I don’t look like you or Dad. That’s funny, isn’t it?

Mom: I guess you don’t.

Me: Is that an admission of guilt?

Mom: You have your aunt’s fingers though.

Me: What are you saying exactly? My aunt is really my mom? Who is my dad?

But the mystery remained unsolved…until I started blogging. Finally…I’ve found my real father: Omawarisan.

How do I know he’s my father? We have the same taste buds.

  • He hates pumpkin. I hate pumpkin.
  • He doesn’t drink coffee. I don’t drink coffee.
  • He hates cantalope. I hate cantalope.
  • He dislikes artifical grape flavor. I dislike artficial grape flavor.

And he used to live in Maryland…the state where I live. So that proves it. Plus he admitted it.

That also makes me The Jolie’s half sister…or something.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 Do the Zoo

Recently, I had visitors…Canadians…little ones…two of them.

These things will not bite you.

They want to have fun.

So without further ado, meet Thing 2 and Thing 1!

Have fun? Bah! Work first! I immediately put them to work helping me pack. Esme supervised.

Obviously, Esme’s parenting skills are similar to my own with The Jolie (Remember when I almost killed The Jolie…like 50 gazillion times?) because I found Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the wine glasses. (Shhhh…don’t tell Leanne.)

Thing 1 said it was Thing 2’s idea, and then Thing 2 said it was Thing 1’s idea.

 And that made me realize I may not be cut out to handle these two by myself. And that a cat (with or without a hat) is not a reliable babysitter.

So after the packing was complete, I rewarded them with a trip to the National Zoo in Washington, DC. My friend Princess came along to help keep an eye on them.

Because I don’t have any child car seats, we took the Metro. Safety first.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 posing in the "O"

I didn’t know if Thing 1 and Thing 2 could swim, and I’m not a lifeguard, so I let them pose with the fake otters instead of real ones.

The gorillas seemed calmer, but I didn’t let Thing 1 and Thing 2 get too close.

The meerkat Timon was particularly interested in Thing 1 and Thing 2. Scurry…Sniff…Flinch! (If you haven’t seen Lion King 1 and 1/2, that last joke will be lost on you. Sorry.)

Then I looked away for one second (a mere second I tell you!), and they were hopping into a carnivore’s mouth.

Never fear, Leanne! The zoo was a very educational experience for Thing 1 and Thing 2. They weren’t eaten by any animals, and they’re now on their way to their next host.

Nanny Nanny Boo Boo! Stick Your Head in….

Please excuse the regression to my 5-year-old self.

But I’m having an early birthday celebration this weekend! I’m so flippin’ excited that I may pee my pants! Oops…too late…. Apparently bladder control starts to go at age 29.


So you’ll have to do without me for a few days. I know, I know. Deep breaths. 

What? You forgot my birthday was this month? I can’t believe that you would forget something so important. I mean, it’s not like you have your own blogs, lives, children, and pets to take care of or anything. (::head hung in shame:: <–Yours, not mine.)

Anyways, as my early birthday present, please pick one of the following:

  • Search for a Pete, Jr. (I heard Pete was quite the ladies’ penguin.)
  • Bake some cookies (and then send me a sample).
  • Check out my About and Background pages. (I updated them forever ago and then didn’t tell you.)
  • Start a fundraiser for me you and me to go on another cruise.

Now for some serious business.

Serious Business #1: There’s an imposter amongst us. While the Hipster and I were in Ellicott City, we found someone masquerading as The Jolie!

Serious Business #2: Please send wrinkle cream. Apparently my 29-year-old forehead needs some.

Note to self: Never make that face again. It causes wrinkles.

February 22: National Margarita Day

Today is National Margarita Day (Zahara told me). Celebrate good times, come on! It’s a celebration.

So my present to you is bloggy blueberry margarita.

The blog version is a poor substitute for the real thing. You should get a real one to celebrate the holiday properly.

In fact, just to make sure you don’t fudge it up, I’m going to tell you how to celebrate.

Lucky for you, I am an alcoholic connoisseur of margaritas.

Ideally, you should go to Margaritaville. (Remember when I went there with The Jolie?) But if there isn’t one close by, you might want to try…

  • Glory Days makes an awesome blueberry margarita. It’s so awesome, it’s awe-schome.
  • Longhorn has a delicious black raspberry peach margarita.

If you don’t like margaritas, I’m only allowing you one other drink option: The Pink Punk Cosmo from TGIFridays. Any drink that comes with cotton candy is always an acceptable option. Always.

  1. Decide on a flavor.
  2. Pick your details: Frozen or On the Rocks? Salt or Sugar? I’m an on-the-rocks-with-a-sugar-rim kinda gal. (But I’m sure you already knew I was a sugar-rim gal instead of a salt-rim girl.)
  3. When the drink arrives, commence licking the sugar off half the glass.
  4. Drink the margarita.
  5. Eat the fruit if it comes with any. It’s healthy.
  6. Lick the sugar off the last half of the glass.

Happy Margarita Day!

Forecast: Rain on the Jolie Parade

On Sunday Kiefer and I planned to take The Jolie into DC, but you know what they say about the best laid plans….

It rains on them.

And we all know how much I hate wet socks. So instead of walking around DC miserably in the rain, I improvised.

I wanted to show The Jolie the Natural History Museum, and in particular, the dinosaur exhibit.

Here’s my own version.

A big thank you to Kiefer for letting my confiscate Radley’s toy.

My version is better because my dinosaur is more life-like.

Even The Jolie ran from it. Or maybe she was running from Esme. And her big butt (as you can see from the picture).

Ladies, brace yourselves. Next up is the giant shoe in Union Station.

Isn’t it magnificent? (Thank you to Pearls & Prose for the pic.)

“And the shoe was this big.”

The Jolie liked this exhibit a little more. Because what woman doesn’t like shoes?

Thank you, Blarney, for letting me borrow your shoe. I’m not even going to try speculating on when you’ve actually worn this shoe.

A big thank you to Blurty McBlurts for letting me participate in The Jolie Pez Project and another big thank you to the Hipster for passing The Jolie along.