Tag Archives: Superheroes vs. Leprechauns

A Leprechaun May Have Impregnated Me

Saturday night I went out with some girl friends. Because it wasn’t actually St. Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be safe. I was so wrong.

Drunk Guy: ::Says something I don’t understand::

Me: What?

Drunk Guy: I just wish I knew if it was my baby.

Me: Whoa…. Who’s pregnant?

Drunk Guy: I just don’t know if it’s my baby. And they can’t raise a baby. But you…you’re smart. I can tell. We’re going to name our baby “Evan.”

Me: I’m pregnant?

Drunk Guy: Are you?

Me: I’m very unpregnant.

Drunk Guy: Freaking nihilists…. ::babbles something about nihilists::

Me: What?

Drunk Guy: They can’t raise a baby. But we could. I mean, you could because you’re so intelligent. Intelligenter than everyone here.

Me: Did you just say “intelligenter?”

Drunk Guy: We’ll raise the baby together. I’m going to kidnap you now.

Me: WHAT?

Drunk Guy: I’m going to do it. ::puts down his drink and gestures that he’s going to throw me over his shoulder::

Me: Um…no. Uh…you should finish your beer first.

Drunk Guy: I’m going to kiss you now.

Me: HOLY CRAP! IS THAT A LEPRECHAUN OVER THERE?

And that, my friends, is how you escape crazy drunk people on St. Patrick’s Day weekend.

It wasn’t entirely a fool-proof plan because he did manage to pinch my butt as I was walking away. But at least I managed to escape kidnapping.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “My fervent hope is that somewhere in the mass of pub-crawling St. Patricks Day asshats* that are going to be totally boning my commute tomorrow, a leprechaun like this will create pandemonium on the platform. The hundreds of drunk people will run away, and I will catch my train.”—JM Randolph

*Putting the word “asshat” in a comment is pretty much a guarantee you’ll get Favorite Comment. That word cracks me up.


Leprechauns Do Not Like Lucky Charms

On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone always quotes that old Irish saying, “May the road rise to greet you….”

But I’d like to share a saying that’s more important because it may save your life.

Try as he will, Try as he might, Who steals me gold, Won’t live through the night….

—One Crazy A$$ Leprechaun

I watched the movie Leprechaun to get in a festive mood for St. Patrick’s Day. But now…I don’t feel much like celebrating.

Here’s what I learned:

  • If you hear a child singing from a suitcase, don’t open it. It’s an evil leprechaun trick.
  • Leprechauns don’t like 4-leaf clovers.
  • A hot guy is enough to make a girl stay in a spider- and leprechaun-infested house.
  • Things you should not say to your father, “That was not a cat! I know what it feels like when a man caresses my leg.”
  • Leprechauns will pogo stick you to death.

Most importantly, I learned that real leprechauns are nothing like the guy on Lucky Charms cereal. Someone should sue them for false advertising.


We Can All Learn Something from Superheroes

Instead of studying for my Fingerspelling final exam all weekend, I watched superhero movies: Thor and Captain America. I hope this choice doesn’t come back to haunt me later.

First, I watched Captain America.

  • Captain America’s pecs are almost bigger than my boobs. Maybe I should do more push-ups.

    “I told you mine were bigger, lady….”

  • Captain America’s eyelashes are longer than mine.
  • Fondue is not a food. I think it’s a sexual position.

One thing about Captain America confuses me. Why is the Captain America costume ok, but American flag clothing not ok? Please discuss below.

Whatever the reason, this guy probably should watch Captain America for fashion tips.

From Thor, I learned two very important lessons:

  1. Even grown men throw temper tantrums.
  2. If you break the dirty dishes, you never have dishes to wash. Genius!

While watching Thor, I also learned something very important about myself.

Maybe it was his temper tantrum, but no matter how many muscles Thor has, I will always be a tall, dark, and handsome kinda gal.

Blondies just don’t do it for me. Hoody, that means you get Eric Northman.

I still have to watch The Green Hornet and The Green Lantern, but I’m pretty sure I can guess at what the most important lesson is: Anyone wearing green may be a superhero…or a leprechaun.