Tag Archives: Sprinkles Are Made of Crack

I Spent New Year’s Eve Stalking Unicorns

On New Year’s Eve morning, I had no idea what to bring to the party Kiefer and I were going to. I thought of just making a good standby recipe, but…I have a reputation to uphold.

Imaginary Conversation with Friend: “Oh. You made Orange Dreamsicle cookies…again.”

Imaginary Thoughtsy: I know…I FAILED!

Then…I saw it.

A cookie so colorful, so glittery, so sprinkley—it was perfect!

Behold, the Unicorn Poop Cookie.

Unicorncookie

We used some star sprinkles. I wish I’d taken a closeup.

Here’s how you make a unicorn poop cookie:

  1. Enlist the help of children. Unicorns like children.
  2. Have the children call out, “Here unicorny-corny! I have treats!”
  3. Feed the unicorn a lot of Fruity Pebble treats. A lot.
  4. Give each child a bag.
  5. Wait.
  6. Wait some more.
  7. Tell the unicorn to “Go potty!”
  8. Instruct the children to walk behind the unicorn and bag the unicorn droppings.
  9. Make sure the children wash their hands when they’re done.

Boo and Radley are now expert unicorn poop baggers if you’d like to borrow them. You’ll have to pay them, of course, since there are child labor laws. They would probably accept cookies as payment.

Oooooooor…you can whip up some sugar cookie dough (I added cherry vanilla flavoring to change it up)…

  1. Separate it and dye it with neon food coloring. The boys and I wore sandwich bags on our hands to avoid coloring our skin.
  2. Refrigerate the for 30 minutes or so.
  3. Roll each color into a snake.
  4. Twist the dough snakes together.
  5. Wrap the dough in a circle.
  6. Bake at 375 for about 8 minutes.
  7. Decorate cooled cookies with confetti icing gel, glitter sprinkles, and gold star sprinkles.

You can do it however you want, but the first scenario has less clean up and involves a real unicorn. Just sayin’….

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “No, he did not call you fat, of course. He called you PHAT. That’s street for totally bitchin’, or so I’m told.”—Pegoleg


I Would Walk 8.6 Miles For Oreos

This weekend I hiked the Applachian Trail with friends. Because they’re insane, they hiked 40 miles…in one day. Because I’m not insane, I joined them to hike 8.6 miles.

One of my hiker friends loves lemon. I once saw him down 8 lemonades at dinner.

So when I saw these new Oreos, I had to bring some on our hike.

Lemon

Lemon Oreos…not the new weird Watermelon Oreos.

Worst case scenario, we could drop them on the trail to attract bears find our way back to the car.

Only…about 3 seconds before my coworkers appeared from the first 10 miles of their hike, this happened:

oops

Water, bananas, and cookies in the passenger seat with keys in the driver seat…of a locked car.

Oops.

So we hiked away. Our mouths watering at the thought of the lemon Oreos we had to leave behind.

8.6 miles later, Kiefer picked me up, brought a spare key, and returned me to my car. I ate warm lemon Oreos the whole way home, and they were delicious.

Then I ate this delicious frozen yogurt from Yogi Castle:

I should have added more sprinkles.

I should have added more sprinkles.

Because after hiking 8.6 miles, you can eat whatever you want without feeling guilty.

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “Nice job cropping all the signature practice so we couldn’t see the hearts you drew on the border.”—1pointperspective
  • “I think you can buy a church to get married in at Costco.”—Omawarisan
  • “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s Costco. You have to buy a 12-pack of churches.”—Laura

What’s Next? Cupcake-Flavored Bacon?

It’s Taste Test Tuesday again! Have you noticed the influx of cupcake-flavored and cake-flavored food? I taste tested all of it.

A local fudge and ice cream shop has cupcake ice cream. A few weeks ago, Kiefer let me try a bite of his, and I demanded we return so I could get my own.

It’s a little melty because SOMEONE (ahem Kiefer) took forever to choose a flavor.

Thoughtsy: I’d like the cupcake ice cream in a cup. Extra sprinkles please.

Scooper: Have you tried it? Because a lot of people don’t like it.

Kiefer: She’s tried it. Why don’t people like it?

Scooper: A lot of people think it’s too sweet.

Kiefer and Thoughtsy:  Too sweet? BWAHAHAHAHA!

That’s right. I live in a town of amateurs.

I should also mention that Dairy Queen’s Blizzard of the Month is Confetti Cake. Maybe I just got a bad one, but there was hardly any cake in it. FAIL!

And last, but not least, the food that holds a special place in my heart: Confetti Cake Pop-Tarts. Mmmmm….

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “What’s the big deal? I’ve got that exact same outfit.”—Skipping Stones


#12. Eat a Homemade Pop-Tart

What are you doing this weekend? Going to your kid’s baseball game? Skip it.

Instead go to Southeast DC…

You: You’re sending me to Southeast?! Are you trying to kill me? 

Southeast DC had a bad reputation, but it’s cleaned up. I swear.

Besides, won’t you stare down death for this delicious homemade Pop-Tart from Ted’s Bulletin?

SPRINKLES! (Yes, I had to use all caps. I’m that excited.)

They had a Peanut Butter Maple Bacon Pop-Tart. A bacon Pop-Tart. I shit you not, bacon lovers.

I opted for strawberry because I’m a fruit filling gal.

So with #12 on my 35 Before 35 list completed, I started to head home. And then I saw the Sweet Lobby cupcakery.

Sweet Lobby recently won Cupcake Wars. So you have to try a cupcake and a macaron.

Then to work off your sugar overload, walk one more block to the Eastern Market and shop.

So go to Ted’s and have a Pop-Tart. Then walk to Sweet Lobby for more sugary goodness. It’s just one block. You can do it. I have faith in you.

What’s that? You can’t eat a Pop-Tart, macaron, and cupcake all in the same day? That’s why they make to-go boxes.

Amateurs….