Tag Archives: smelly

Are You Crapping Me?

Captain’s Log, Star Date December 12, 2013.

It’s been 13 days since Kiefer left for his business trip. He should return today.

But…if he doesn’t…I don’t know…how much longer I’ll survive on my own.

I’ve seen things…no woman should have to see. I’m done things…no pregnant woman should have to do. ::shudder::

It all started with laryngitis. Laryngitis that’s still not gone because it’s impossible to rest my voice when I’m the only person around to stop Ozzy Pups from stealing socks (Drop it!).

Then there was all of that snow.

But now, things have just gotten progressively harder.

Boo and his friend hung out at the house for a couple hours before basketball practice. Boo’s friend used the bathroom…and he…clogged the toilet in MY bathroom, not the kids’ bathroom.

Of course, I didn’t discover the clog until I was already doing the pee-pee dance. I had two options:

  1. Use the kids’ bathroom upstairs…which is never a good idea.
  2. Unclog the toilet myself.

Since I’ve never actually plunged a toilet, and because a pregnant woman with a heightened sense of smell should never have to plunge a toilet that’s been clogged by a kid that’s not even hers, I choose Option #3:

Call Dad to unclog the toilet while I ran Boo and his friend to practice.

I’ve decided to head off future bathroom problems by placing a woman figure on my bathroom door.

If Kiefer isn’t home this afternoon, this may be my last entry. Please send reinforcements…and extra bathrooms.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I agree…that’s classic protective behavior. Ozzy is putting himself between you and potential frosty danger, just like a Secret Service man. You should get him a little earpiece and some shades.”—BluzDude

I Need To Be More Smelly

Is anyone else obsessed with smells? And by “obsessed,” I mean a healthy obsession. Not like my coworker who sniffs rubberbands.

Usually I use Jelly Belly’s Blueberry Muffin perfume, and since it’s winter, I’ve been smathering on chapstick (Vanilla Mint) and lip gloss (Philosophy’s Toasted Marshmallow) like a mad woman.

But that’s not enough. Apparently, I prefer a buffet of scents, and my lotion must also smell.

Not Bog of Eternal Stench kind of smelly...

I use Aveeno lotion. It’s not too greasy, and my skin actually feels softer after I use it. I love it.

My one complaint: it doesn’t smell like anything.

Do you have any idea how many hours I’ve wasted in Sephora rubbing and lotioning my hands?

Lotioning and oiling, oiling and lotioning…. I can’t take this no more!

Kudos to anyone who knows what that quote is from.

Seriously though, I wander around the store squirting  and smelling lotion, rubbing my hands together, and whispering, “My precious…must find the precious….”

And I still can’t find a lotion that moisturizes and smells good.

Maybe I’m just doomed. Doomed to choose between living a life of dry but sweet-smelling skin or unscented silky smooth skin.

Being a girl stinks sometimes. (Well, not literally.)