Before it got chilly, Scout and I played outside. Her favorite game is called Baby Tries to Eat the Grass While Mommy Yells, “Get It Outta Your Mouth.”
It’s fun. No, really.
Then we discovered the soccer ball.
My initial reaction was Scout’s baby gibberish loosely translated to “You may take our lives/soccer ball, but you can never take our freedom!”
But maybe that was too hasty. Maybe she was really saying…
- Are you blind, ref?!?! That ball was out!
- Put me in coach! I’m ready to play…today!
- What the heck, Mommy! I can’t fit this soccer ball in my mouth!
What do you think Scout is saying? Or what do you think Ozzy Pups is thinking?
Scout spends her days climbing over Ozzy Pups and crawl-chasing Esme Kitty. Because she loves animals so much, I took her twice (with different “boyfriends”—Kiefer loves it when I say that) to a petting farm.
She especially loved the piggies.
No, I mean she really loved them. And they loved her. Literally.
So was this a Mommy fail? On one hand, she was exposed to some dirt and germs to build up her immune system. On the other hand, ewwww! Germs!
Not to mention the future dating standards. What if Scout never meets someone who can kiss better than that pig? What if he set the bar too high?
My name is Scout, and I should be your new spokesperson. You can pay
Mom me in tall-non-fat-vanilla-bean-frappuccinos-with-a-shot-of-cinnamon-dolce-syrup.
Dear Pod People,
Please return my baby. My perfect little baby who…
- Takes 3-4 45-minute naps a day every 2 or 2.5 hours.
- Sleeps through the night for 10 hours.
- Puts herself back to sleep when she wakes up.
- Sleeps in her crib.
I do not appreciate the pod baby you have left in her place. You see, the pod baby is teething.
Don’t be fooled by the cuteness. This IS a future pod person.
The pod baby you see above is not as easy going as my baby. This pod baby nurses to sleep, wakes up an hour later, must fall back asleep on me, and then wakes up every time she goes back into the crib, so I finally give up and bring the pod baby into Mommy and Daddy’s bed where the pod baby decides every few hours that she must sleep on me, not next to me.
And, of course, I get no sleep because I’m convinced I will either roll on said pod baby or roll over while the baby is on top, which will send the baby onto the floor.
I was willing to take care of the pod baby until my husband and I had this conversation:
Thoughtsy: When does the teething stop?
Kiefer: I think they have all their teeth around 2 years.
So there you have it. Just when I thought sleep was once again mine for the taking, I find out there’s another year and a half of no sleep.
About a month ago, Scout started rice cereal. The other day while I was mixing it up, someone stole my seat.
“Move your meat, lose your seat.”
I have no idea what they were talking about, but I’m pretty sure it can’t be good. Esme Kitty is…well…
evil a bad influence.
I hope Esme wasn’t trying to corrupt Scout’s innocent little mind.
What do you think Esme told Scout?
- A. Throw me all of your food, ok? Forget about the dog.
- B. If you promise not to grab my tail, I promise not to scratch you. Maybe.
- C. We’re the smallest people in this house, we have to stick together.
- D. It’s fun to trip Mommy. Don’t worry, she likes it. She also likes it when we attack her ankles.
- E. Other
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