Tag Archives: Russian Mafia

Identity Theft at Its Finest

Last week I went to the local Social Security Administration to get a card with my new last name.

Itwas great people watching. A man told the security guard he was stepping outside to smoke because smoking inside would damage the electronics. Seriously? How about damaging my lungs?

My favorite was a middle-aged Russian woman.

If you’ve never been to the SSA, just imagine your local MVA. You get a number and sit around waiting to be called—hopefully before you die from starvation. Two signs are posted everywhere:

  • The security guard cannot answer any questions.
  • Numbers are often called out of order because SSA workers specialize in certain areas.

So what does the possibly Russian lady do? She asks the security guard about numbers being called out of order of course.

Lady: My number is 110, and they already called 111. Did they skip me?

My number is 111, and I have not been called yet.

Security Guard: Ma’am, sometimes numbers are called out of order. I’m sure you’ll be called soon. The person who will help you is probably just finishing up with someone else.

Lady: But my appointment was 20 minutes ago.

Five minutes later, the lady and the security guard run through the same conversation.

A few minutes later, a worker steps out and calls a name.

SSA Worker: Bueller? ::pause:: Bueller? (Obviously, it wasn’t really Bueller.)

Lady: ::says nothing::

SSA Worker: Bueller?

Lady: ::says nothing::

Security Guard: ::pointing to Russian lady:: That’s her.

Maybe the worker pronounced “Bueller” wrong, or maybe the lady was hard of hearing, but that seemed sketchy. The lady didn’t know her own name. Am I the only person who sees that as a red flag?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “If only you had kept your legs together, Thoughtsy, we wouldn’t be in this predicament! Ps. YAY secretly I hope it’s a girl too. Boys = gross.”—Daile