Tag Archives: Pumpkins Are Gross

The Dude Abides…in Vodka

What the heck is this?

The Dude. From The Big Lebowski. I wonder what it tastes like. Old, unwashed bathrobe perhaps?

It’s official. You can now get vodka in any flavor. Any day now I’ll see Pop-Tart flavored vodka on the shelves. Except they’ll probably have to call it “Toaster Pastry.”

I wonder if I can get Channing Tatum flavored vodka. Hmmmm….

Remember my ridiculous and ever-growing vodka collection?  Since then, I’ve added Smores, Caramel, Icing, and Whipped Key Lime.

I’m still waivering on whether or not to buy the Peanut Butter and Jelly flavor. (It’s raspberry jelly. I know you were wondering.)

But there’s one flavor I know I will not be buying…

What flavor would you like to see? Or not see?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I keep telling my wife that’s why I’ve never bought new underwear our entire marriage. I don’t want her to worry.”—The Good Greatsby

“I better inspect my boyfriend’s underwear and hope that he’s been wearing the same ones since we started dating.”—Ginny


Just Say No to Pumpkin

Just in case you didn’t know…Fall Halloween is nearly upon us.

I’d like to take this opportunity to educate new readers on my views of pumpkin. I preach and practice P.A.R.E. (Pumpkin Abuse Resistance Education).

Acceptable Pumpkin

This candy is pretty much the only acceptable pumpkin. Ever. Let me know if I missed something. Maybe I did. I’ve been wrong before.

Last night at the grocery store, I saw a completely unacceptable form of pumpkin:


This time of year pumpkin is everywhere. And it’s not ok. It’s NOT ok. Just say no.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “You think he might be trying to trap you, huh? You should tell him, ‘I WANT to be here, so in your face.’ That’ll teach him.”—Queen Gen


The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Do you know what time it is?

No, it is NOT Howdy Doody Time.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. It’s Halloween costume shopping time!

Kiefer and I ordered our first costumes this weekend. That’s right. I said “Kiefer and I.” Because it’s “and I” not “and me” as a subject. Because we’re wearing matching costumes this year. Ooooooo…matching costumes…that’s a big committment for Mr. Kiefer.

Anyways…are you following me on Twitter? If so, you already know that I guest posted on Oma’s blog about the imminent pumpkin threat this season. If not, go check it out. It may save your life.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “He’s a genius! We once had a dog who wanted to be an investor because she ate my wallet.”—Cannibalistic Nerd


Just Say “No” to Pumpkin Pie

I do not love all Pop-Tarts equally.

For example, Pop-Tarts without icing and sprinkles. They’re not my thang.

You want to believe you’re healthier by skipping the icing? You’re not. Frosted Pop-Tarts have less calories. For those of you who shoved your fingers in your ears and started singing, I won’t judge you.

I won’t even judge those of you who feel chocolate for breakfast is just too early. Amateurs….

Although I love chocolate ones, I don’t discriminate against the fruit ones. Except the grape ones. Ewww.

But this…this is an abomination.

The Pumpkin Pop-Tarts were around last year, and I was hoping they would be gone this year…like dust in the wind. No such luck.

But you can make a difference.

I’m asking pleading with you to skip the Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts. For just a few dollars a day during your next grocery store trip, you can bring a smile to my face.

Put down the Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts. Try a different flavor. Or send me the money, and I’ll try a different flavor for you.

Together…we can make a difference.

This post sponsored by PARE: Pop-Tart Abuse Resistance Education.