Tag Archives: pod people

Pod Person Kiefer Returns

I know the post about the miscarriage probably took you by surprise. Here’s a post with some background.

Me: I’m really frustrated with our relationship. I feel like I’m waiting on you for everything. We can’t get married, we can’t have a baby…. I’m afraid you’re going to wait so long to propose that I won’t be able to have a baby once we’re married. And then I’ll hate you.

Kiefer: So let’s start trying to have a baby now.

Me: I know you’re not ready…wait…what did you say?

Kiefer: I said, “baby.”

Me: Do you have a fever? Come here. I need to feel your forehead. Feels fine. Oh my god, you’re a pod person.

Kiefer: I love you. I know we’re going to get married and be together. And if it’ll make you happy, let’s try now. I know you want to be a mom, and I don’t want you to miss that opportunity.

Me: Is this just a trick to have sex 24/7?

So there you have it. It’s official. I’m no longer dating human Kiefer. There is only Zul Pod Person Kiefer.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “No! They already took prank calls away, now shoelaces too?!”—MissFourEyes


I’m Gonna Need You to Iron My Undies

The day I moved in with Kiefer was a day of many firsts for our relationship. Mostly for him.

First #1: Tampons

Shaking his head, Kiefer emerged from the bathroom and said, “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve seen feminine products in my bathroom?”

My extremely mature response may have involved chasing him around while tossing tampons at him.

First #2: Bras

Kiefer: There are bras hanging from the curtain rod.

Me: If you prefer, I can lay them out flat on the dining room table.

First #3: Wrinkles

I told Kiefer I would do all of the laundry if he would do all of ironing. He agreed, thinking he was getting a good deal.

Kiefer: Why are a gazillion of your tanktops in the ironing pile?

Me: Because they’re wrinkly.

Kiefer: Is this a pair of shorts, too?!

First #4: OCD

I’m a fairly neat person. Especially in the kitchen. No dishes are allowed in the sink. Ever.

Kiefer: Stop. Cleaning.

First #5: Only Pod People Turn Down Dessert

The other day I tried to make Oreo Truffles. Except the melted chocolate was giving me trouble.

Me: They’re ruined! I’m never making these again. (::tears up::)

Kiefer: Know what would cheer you up? Yogi Castle.

Me: I don’t want any.

Kiefer: Who are you?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I actually love you. We should hang out. And eat 9 cheese pizza.”—LKD


Valentine’s Day and Our Love-Hate Relationship

Valentine’s Day: For or Against?

Valentine’s Day: Love It or Hate It?

Valentine’s Day: It’s What’s for Dinner.

That’s what Kiefer and I did for our first Valentine’s Day: dinner. He surprised me by getting a babysitter for the boys, so he could take me out.

The next day he said, “I’m not really a Valentine’s Day kinda guy.”

RED FLAG! RED FLAG! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!

Immediately, I was up-in-arms to save all future Valentine’s Days.

But we have to celebrate Valentine’s Day! How can you be with me and slack on holiday that’s all about chocolate?! Where’s pod person Kiefer? Send him back now!

Obviously, my fit tantrum completely mature communication worked because last year we went to DC for the weekend. Which was fun despite the chocolate shortage and picketers.

But really I’m torn on Valentine’s Day. I don’t expect a spectacular day (even though that would be an awesome surprise because no one has ever done it before). Why the low expectations?

  1. Maybe Mephistopheles’s constant amnesia of special occasions made me expect only disappointment on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, and birthdays.
  2. Maybe spending so many years single dulled my feelings on Valentine’s Day.
  3. Maybe because I eat chocolate every day.

Instead of giving gifts, Kiefer and I plan a trip together. We’d much rather go on a weekend trip. This year we’re staying in a cabin at Deep Creek Lake.

Kiefer’s excited about the skiing, and I’m excited about the hot chocolate…and the hot tub…and the fireplace. Did I say I was excited about the hot chocolate?


The Return of the Pod People

Me: I need to tell you something, and I need you to not freak out about it.

Kiefer: Ok.

Me: When we were looking at houses…a lot only had 3 bedrooms. If we’re really headed down the path that you say we are, we’ll being having a baby, so you should be looking at 4-bedroom houses.

Kiefer: You’re totally right. Otherwise we’d just have to move again in a couple years.

Me: Right. Soooo…you’re not freaking out?

Kiefer: Not at all.

Me: Oh. Good.

Kiefer: I think the only person freaking out is going to be you when we have a baby boy instead of a baby girl like you want.

Me: If we have a baby boy, we’re switching it with someone else’s baby girl. Wait…did you just make a joke about a baby? Craaaaap…you’re not my boyfriend. POD PERSON!

So my question to you is…Is it ok to marry someone you suspect is a pod person?


It’s 11:11. Make a Wish.

Yesterday Izzie Darling asked me about 11:11. (No, I didn’t give her that nickname. Her nickname really can’t get any cuter, so I leave it alone.)

Every day at 11:11, you can make a wish.

Actually you can make two wishes every day. Really. Do the math.

Always start your wishes with “please.” That’s just good manners.

Please…

  • Make some chocolate fall from the sky…right…now.
  • Don’t let aliens abduct me.
  • Have someone pay me to blog.
  • Make my cat suddenly learn how to use the toilet instead of the litter box.
  • Let me win a million dollars from the lottery. More than a million would be ok, too.
  • Make one of the Supernatural Brothers fall madly in love with me. I’ll take Jared Paladecki or Jensen Ackles. I’m not picky.

Why 11:11? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a message from angels. Maybe it’s a Mayan thing. Maybe some 1st grader made it up.

Don’t question wishes, grasshopper! Just make them!

After I make a wish, I like to tell people what my wishes are. It’s the opposite of wishing on your birthday candles and not telling anyone what you wished for.

You know how your parents were the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and the Easter Bunny? (Uhhh…you already knew that, right? No one is sitting in the corner crying, right?) They might actually be the 11:11 wish granter as well. But I don’t have confirmation on that yet.

I announce my wishes loudly to everyone within earshot just in case one of them is the 11:11 wish granter.

Besides the more people who know about your wishes, the greater chance you have of someone making a wish come true.

So at 11:11 today, what are you going to wish for?