For the last couple weeks every time I turned on the TV (at Kiefer’s house because he has Direct TV), Jewel of the Nile was on.
In fact, I bet it’s on right now. Maybe you should go check.
And for the last couple weeks, every time Jewel of the Nile was on, I thought, “I want to watch the first one!”
I clicked through the channels, scrolled through the guide, and Romancing the Stone was never on. This is just proves the saying that nothing is ever on TV. (And that, my friends, is why I don’t have cable, only Netflix.)
So finally, last night I watched Romancing the Stone through Netflix.
And here’s what I learned:
- Colombia is full of crime, not coffee.
- Michael Douglas used to be young.
- Don’t burn mary-ju-wanna to stay warm.
- The Doobie Brothers broke up.
- Treasure maps are super easy to follow.
- Always check creepy bunny statues for gems.
- No one can pull off alligator skin boats. No one. Not even young Michael Douglas.
Someone in the blog world (I can’t remember who) told me to watch the movie Dead Snow. Because I will watch anything about zombies.
Except Zombie Strippers. I’m still waivering on whether or not to watch that one.
Plot: A group of medical students take a vacation in the snowy mountains. Nazi zombies attack, and the snowy white hills run red with blood. The movie is like a giant cherry sno-cone.
Since I’ve never been skiing (or encountered a real zombie), I learned a lot from Dead Snow.
- If you hear the Nutcracker’s “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy,” run. Zombies are chasing you.
- Sometimes you have to wear a hat to bed to stay warm, but not a shirt.
- Don’t tease the shirtless hat-wearing guy. He sews up a zombie bite with a fish hook and then bandages his neck with duct tape. Dude is hard core.
- Men will cut off their infected arm to avoid becoming a zombie, but they will not cut off their penis.
- If you fall over a cliff, use zombie intestines as rope.
A few warnings for you if you decide to watch the movie (via Netflix Instant Viewing)…
Have your popcorn ready and your laundry folded because there are subtitles. And subtitles mean no multitasking.
When the characters diss the Evil Dead series, you’ll be tempted to turn off those Bruce Campbell haters. But power through because the movie redeems itself by referencing Indiana Jones, April Fool’s Day, Friday the 13th, Homer Simpson, and Terminator.
I think the most important lesson I learned from the movie is Never go skiing (or partake in other outdoor winter activities). If you do, you’ll be attacked by Nazi zombies.
Blarney dropped a bomb on me a few days ago.
Blarney has never seen Empire Records.
Blarney, I thought, what the hell? How can you be my roomie and not have seen this movie? My blog’s name comes from this movie. We’re besties no more. Friendship over.
Then I realized I was being irrational. I bet Blarney is not alone. I bet
several at least one of my blog readers also hasn’t seen Empire Records.
And what a coincidence. Netflix’s Instant Streaming just happens to have the new version (with brand new scenes—a lot of new scenes) available. So now you can learn about the movie’s awesomeness with Blarney. And I get a new blog series: What Movies Teach Us. (I kinda miss the Mars and Venus series.)
So, Readers, without further ado, here’s what I learned from Empire Records.
It’s easy to raise $9,000 in one night.
If you glue quarters to the floor, it’s considered art.
Life has an awesome soundtrack.
You can spell “Mark” with a “C” or a “K.”
Always tell someone you love them by 1:37 exactly. After that, it’s too probably too late.
Rex Manning is a douchebag.
- Always leave the scene after committing a crime.
- “Special” brownies mean lots of sugar. True story.
- Always count your money…twice.
- Axl Rose will not help you change your flat tire.
- Blue Cheese is scary. (You have to watch the Remix to get this.)
These are all valauble life lessons. Watch the movie.
Damn the Man. Save the Empire.
Last night I talked with my friend Puddin’. We always cover a broad range of topics, such as the following:
- Mary Poppins’s bloomers
- Pop-Tarts vs. Frosted Mini-Wheats for breakfast
- Books (in particular how Alice I Have Been made me suspect Lewis Carroll’s intentions towards little girls)
- Tom Hanks movies
- Her son saying “Okey Dokey”
Handsome Hot actors
I’d like to open up the last bullet for discussion. Here’s an excerpt of Puddin’ and I’s conversation.
Puddin’: I’ve been abusing my free trial of Netflix. All I do is watch movies….God, Hugh Jackson is hot.
Me: Yeah, he is. ::Sigh:: Until he opens his mouth. Wait, or is that Gerard Butler? One of them sounds like a goofball.
Puddin’: You know who is hot? Channing Tatum. And he’s 30! He’s in my age range! I always feel weird saying Taylor Lautner is hot….
Me: Yeah. I don’t like admitting that I think Taylor Lautner is hot to anyone but you. So Channing Tatum is our new Cabana boy?
When I was a tween (Yes, I just said “Tween.” I’m hip.), I had crushes on tons of guys. But once I got a little older, I remember there really only being 2 go-to hot adult actors: Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.
And Sean Connery. (And am I the only one who had a little thing for Tommy Lee Jones?) But let’s face it…an 18-year-old couldn’t admit to that. It’s only acceptable for a real adult to say that, not a wannabe adult.
Now there are tons of good-lookin’ actors to drool over.
Who are some of your favorite actors/actresses now and when you were younger?