Piglet Frenched My Daughter: A Mommy Fail

Scout spends her days climbing over Ozzy Pups and crawl-chasing Esme Kitty. Because she loves animals so much, I took her twice (with different “boyfriends”—Kiefer loves it when I say that) to a petting farm.

She especially loved the piggies.

No, I mean she really loved them. And they loved her. Literally.

Piggy Kiss!

Oops.

So was this a Mommy fail? On one hand, she was exposed to some dirt and germs to build up her immune system. On the other hand, ewwww! Germs!

Not to mention the future dating standards. What if Scout never meets someone who can kiss better than that pig? What if he set the bar too high?

Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’ on a Roller Skate

We plan to make roller derby the most exciting thing to hit Charm City since the crab cake….

You know how much I love crab cakes. With a line like that on their website, how could I not go to the  roller derby?

Saturday Misty and I went to Baltimore…for our third date Charm City Roller Girls!

It was awe-some. Here are some reasons I’m thinking of joining a roller derby team:

• Night Terrors? Speed Regime? Junkyard Dolls? Mobtown Mods? Awesome team names.
• The announcer wears heels and a gold-sequin jacket. And his name is Dirty Marty.
• The player names are flippin’ fantastic: I.M. Pain, Nuckin’ Futz, and Collene Scopy.
• You block and hit people with your hips and booty. Which gives me a reason to add on some Pop-Tart pounds.

A few reasons stopping me from joining are…

• The stretcher the medics bring on at the beginning of the bout is scary.
• My butt and thighs are too big to wear spandex.
• If I’m skating, I can’t eat Misty’s cupcakes. (Real cupcakes. That’s not a euphemism.)

For your viewing pleasure, here’s one of my pics:

Amazing, huh? Felt like you were actually there, right?

Go to Misty’s blog to see better pics.

Don’t expect Whip It. Do expect unicorns, cupcakes, falling, and fun.

What should my Roller Derby name be?