Tag Archives: Movies Teach Us

Look Down, Look Down

Phantom of the Opera was the very first musical I saw on Broadway. Followed by Miss Saigon. Which was followed by The Lion King. But the fourth Broadway musical was Les Miserables.

And I loved it. That opening music makes my whole body tremble.

Usually I make a trip (or two) up to NYC each year, but with so much going on, I haven’t been. As a substitute, I watched the movie version of Les Mis.

Les-Miserables-2012-Movie-Poster

Here’s what I learned:

  • If you give a thief all of your silver, he’ll feel so guilty that he’ll spend the rest of his life making up for it. Remember this the next time you’re mugged: Give generously.
  • If your super power is super strength, never lift anything heavy in front of anyone else. Your cover will be blown.
  • It’s impossible to hide in Paris. It must be a very small place.
  • Innkeepers will charge you for mice… for lice…and for looking in the mirror twice.
  • “On My Own” is the theme song of any girl with a crush.
  • “To love another person is to see the face of God.”

Most importantly, I learned that some movie stars can actually sing. Who knew? Maybe they can’t sing as well as the Broadway performers, but they hold their own.

Favorite Comments From Last Post: Everyone who used the puppies pun…and said “asshat.”


John Dies at the End…Or Does He?

Over the weekend, I tried to watch a lot movies on Netflix Instant Viewing. 

I turned most of them off after 10 minutes (i.e., Cheerleader Ninjas and Da Hip Hop Witch—Don’t be fooled. Eminem may be in it, but it’s still a B movie.), but I then I stumbled across John Dies at the End.

I know what you’re thinking because I thought it, too: Interesting title. Except now I know how it ends. Buuuuuut…what if that’s not how it ends? What if the title is a trick? Or it’s opposite day.

There was only one thing to do. Watch it.

Here’s what I learned:

  • “Tomorrow’s the day we kill the President” means “Pick up some beer.”
  • If a girl explodes and bursts into snakes, she’s a ghost.
  • If a doorknob turns into a penis, men consider the door unopenable…even if it’s unlocked.
  • There is a drug called “Soy Sauce.”

    The first hit is free....

    The first hit is free….

  • Just because you rip a guy’s arm off doesn’t mean the arm still can’t strangle you.
  • Any injuries to your face can be explained in this way: “I fell…on a drill.”

Most importantly, I learned it’s a crime to unleash giant killer spiders on an unarmed crowd. It’s called arachnacide.

How many years in prison should you get for arachnacide?

Favorite Comment From Last Post:

  • “Happy birthday! Is that an apple over on the right? What’s that doing there?”—Laura
  • “Happy Birthday! Rock the hardness all day! Wait. That doesn’t sound right….”—SusieLindau

The Greatest Cover Up of All Time: Osama Is a Zombie

Do you believe in conspiracies? I believe some. For example, I believe that salmonella is a fake disease made-up by adults, so children won’t eat all of the raw cookie dough. Warm cookies are delicious, too.

Recently, I watched movie about another conspiracy. A more important conspiracy.

Brace yourselves….

Osama Bin Laden is not dead. He is undead. He’s a zombie.

Here’s what I learned from watching the movie Osombie:

  • Don’t go swimming  in the ocean. Osombie will eat you.
  • Some guys hate wearing shirts. It could be snowing, and he’d still say he was too hawt hot to wear a shirt.
  • What do our Warfighters need? They need zombie protection.
  • Soldiers don’t need guns to kill zombies; they need Samurai swords.

That’s all I learned…because I didn’t finish watching the movie.

Wait…I did learn a new song: One little, two little, three little zombies. Shoot them in the head and wipe the brains off me.

And the movie did raise a very interesting question: Do zombies poop?

I don’t know. That’s why I didn’t finish watching the movie. I didn’t want to find out.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I have my attorney put a cupcake clause in every contract. I gained so much weight now I also need a Hoveround clause.”—Pegoleg


Why Y’All Gotta Waste My Flavor?

Sometimes I’m too focused. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes it’s a bad thing. For example, I love the movie Empire Records so much that I forget other movies exist.

So when Darla reminded me that Mark from Empire Records is in other movies, like Can’t Hardly Wait , I rewatched it. And I realized that EVERYONE is in that movie.

Every. One. Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Marshall from How I Met Your Mother, Joy from My Name Is Earl, Les from Newsies, and the list just keeps going.

Anyways, the first 5 minutes of the movie reminded me why it’s awesome: Pop-Tarts.

Pop-Tart

If he had been eating an unfrosted Pop-Tart, I would have turned it off.

Any movie with Pop-Tarts is my kind of movie.

Here’s what I learned:

  • You’re destined to be with someone if you’re both eating Pop-Tarts. (I recently applied this knowledge in my life.)
  • You know what kind of girls are in college? Girls who used to be in high school.
  • If your friend tells you you’re prettier than Gwyneth Paltrow, your friend is lying.
  • Beer doesn’t go bad. It just tastes like that (i.e., bad).
move

Virgins should not attempt this move.

  • You should always carry a bookbag full of sex stuff because you’ll never know when you’ll lose your virginity.
  • There are plenty of trolley cars in the sea.
  • The song “Mandy” is about Barry Manilow’s dog.

Most importantly, I learned that Fate only takes you so far, the rest is upto you.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Do you think the gum is so expensive because it doubles as plane repair adhesive?”—GoJulesGo


Movie Monday: This Is 40

My birthday is this month, and I plan to celebrate all month long. That’s right. You heard me. Not just one day. An entire month.

I’ll be 32. And man, do I feel old. On the bright side, at least I’m not turning 40. Although, after watching This Is 40, I’m thinking 40 might not be so bad. Except for all the butt stuff….

Here’s what I learned:

  • Not every woman wants a turbodick.
  • Sometimes men fake going to the bathroom to play on the iPad.

this is 40

  • Your wife will totally ask to see your…#2…if she thinks you’re fake pottying.
  • If you’re going to lie about your age, at least be consistent.
  • Sometimes you have to look at your husband’s hemorrhoids.
rudd

So many of you admitted your love for Paul Rudd that I thought you should see him from this angle.

  • Just because someone has nice things doesn’t mean she’s stealing. It means she’s an escort.
  • There is a drug called “oxykitten.”
  • Snitches end up in ditches.

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “I think it means you need to go to the store where you bought them and at least offer to pay for the extra yolk. It’s the right thing to do.”—donofalltrades
  • “Were you all like, ‘Waaah? Is this some kind of yolk?’…or did you chicken out? *flips cape over shoulder and runs away*”—kickerkim