Tag Archives: Motorcycle

Let’s Make a Pact: No Psychos in the House

When I was little, I always thought it would be cool to have a house with hidden rooms and secret passages.

Now, as a semi-adult, I realize that would be an awful idea. What if I got stuck in a hidden room? No one would be able to find me. Or, even worse…what if there was a secret room that I didn’t know about, and a psychokiller lived in that room?

The Pact is a perfect example of why secret rooms are a bad idea.

Why buy a Ouija board when you can draw your own?

Why buy a Ouija board when you can draw your own?

Here’s what I learned from the movie:

  • Always pee with the door open. Even when other people are in the house.
  • If you run outside after a ghost attack, don’t get too comfortable. You have to go back inside to get the child you forgot.
  • If someone turns down ice cream, she’s definitely been attacked by a ghost.
  • When at a motel, it’s totally safe to walk outside to the vending machine in only your tanktop and undies.
  • It’s also totally safe to ride your motorcycle in the same outfit…as long as you put on a helmet.

Most importantly, I learned that just because a movie is called “The Pact” doesn’t mean there’s a pact mentioned in the movie…ever.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Norma Jean definitely loves me. She was meowing constantly at about midnight last night so I got up to see what her problem was because sometimes she talks to the ceiling. She found a bug. And she killed it. That’s true love.”—SugarDishMe


In Football Vampires Are the Shirts and Werewolves Are the Skins

Thank you to everyone who voted on The Birds and the Bees in Breaking Dawn.

Like me, most of you were only interested in cabana boys, but some of you thought I should rewatch New Moon and Eclipse and take notes for Movies Teach Us.

After watching the movies, I noticed that all of my notes fit into two categories: Bella Is Stupid and Sex.

Sex

  • According to Bella’s dad, sex today is not the same as it was 10 years ago.
  • Sometimes guys actually say, “Stop trying  to take your clothes off.”

 These two movies are where Jacob really enters the picture to make a love triangle, so part of this list is a Jacob vs. Edward list.

Bella Is Stupid

  • In about 2 minutes, Edward asks Bella to marry him 3 times. W.T.F. Just say “yes!”
  • Jacob has abs, pecs, and a motorcycle. Edward is skinny and pale.
  • Jacob can serve as your very own personal heater in the winter.
  • Edward sparkles.
  • Bella hops on a motorcycle with a complete stranger.
  • No one is that clumsy. Pay attention, Bella.
  • Bella drives a motorcycle without a helmet.

    This picture is my Christmas present to you. You're welcome.

 

The most important lesson I learned is that werewolves are truly magical. When they transform, where do their shorts and sneakers go? They just disappear and then reappear.

That, my blog friends, is talent. Talent that every cabana boy needs.


The Next Rosa Parks

It’s about 3 1/2 to 4 hours to the beach…by car.

By motorcycle, the ride is about 5  and 1/2 hours. Why so much longer? Because it was cold, and I needed frequent hot chocolate stops. (With Borders gone, I now deem Wawa’s push-button hot chocolate the best.)

And my tushie hurt from sitting on the motorcycle. My tushie may have actually flattened out, so I’ll probably need to buy a Booty Pop to return my behind to its former glory.

By the time we reached Ocean City, I was done with the motorcycle, so we took the OC bus.

The only problem was one other rider on the bus.

Specifically, the homeless guy. More specifically, the passed-out homeless guy. Even more specifically, the passed-out homeless guy who had the worst case of gas ever…or who may have actually gone to the bathroom in his pants.

Imagine the homeless guy passed out dead center of the bus, and everyone else crammed into the very front or very back of the bus with their shirts over the noses as impromptu gas masks. (Because obviously cotton t-shirts block out all odors. I didn’t do that because I’m an adult now dammit. Adults suffer through stench without any expression.)

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt (I felt sorry for him) that it was just flatulence or old cheese nearby, but no else agreed with me. They all claimed he all had an “accident.”

And what if it wasn’t him? What if it was someone else? What if someone smeared smelly, old cheese under his seat and now he was the fall guy?

Whatever happened to he who smellt it, dealt it?

And why were we making fun of this guy? He got a seat on a crowded bus. He’s a visionary. You might even compare him to Rosa Parks.


Bad to the Bone

I’m back. Did you miss me?

What’s that? You didn’t even realize I was gone? Thank goodness I wasn’t kidnapped! You should really be more observant.

Over the weekend, I went to Ocean City Bike Fest for the first time ever. (Did you even know that I ride motorcycles?)

With sooooooooooooo many bikes down there, I thought Bike Week would be a great place to people-watch, but really…not so much. This is how people watching went:

  • Leather
  • Leather
  • Harley Davidson gear
  • Leather
  • Crotch Rocket gear
  • Leather

But my attention was drawn elsewhere anyways. In particular, the Ball of Steel and Kyle and Cody Ives. They’re 16 and 19 years old, and they’re in the Guinness Book of World Records.

They do fun stuff like hat stealing…

…while riding motorcycles…in a Globe of Death.

I was going to volunteer to stand in the middle, but I was afraid I’d pee my pants.

The Adrenaline Crew also did lots of stunts, like wheelies, standing up while riding, and riding the motorcycles off 20-foot high ramps.

But perhaps even more important than any bike-related events, I ate deep-fried Snickers. (I like the Oreos and Twinkies better.)


Vroom, Vroom…Watch Out for Motorcycles!

May is National Motorcycle Safety Month!

Now for my own motorcycle stories. I learned to ride after college. I dated a guy who drove a motorcycle, and it was awesome. Instead of making “rides a motorcycle” a requirement for all future boyfriends, I decided to learn to ride myself.

Because the wait to get into the Motorcycle Safety courses was insane, my dad taught me. He’d been riding for years before I was in the picture, and who than my dad to look out for my safety?

Honestly, the first time I straddled that bike on my own, it scared the hell out of me. I was actually learning on a 1973 450 Yamaha, and there’s no such thing as a slow start on that bike. You let the clutch out and it just took off! This bike taught me one of the most important lessons ever: ALWAYS WEAR LONG PANTS.

This is the bike (and me when I was oh so tiny). I’m not sure why my mom is strangling me.

One incredibly hot summer day I decided that was day I would master the motorcycle. I refused to get off until I could do everything I needed to do to pass the riding test.

I let my feet down and that exhaust pipe sizzled my leg. It took years for the scar to go away. I can still see it just a little. Stupid bike…

One exboyfriend that I used to ride with taught me another lesson. Be careful of shoelaces. While I was on the back of his crotchrocket, I felt the bike lean too far, and I hopped off the back just in time to see him and the bike go down. While coming to a stop, his shoelace had gotten wrapped around the footpeg, and he couldn’t put his foot down to hold up the bike. In hindsight maybe I should have put my own foot down to sturdy the bike, but the leg-burning incident was too recent. Oops…

If you’ve never ridden before, you should try it out. I love it. =) If you’re hopping on the back of someone else’s bike, make sure that person has loads of riding experience. Remember: The motorcycle is a weapon!

If you have no attentions of ever riding, at least learn to be alert to motorcyclists.

Here are two tips:

  1. Motorcycles stop WAY FASTER than your car. Leave lots of space inbetween you and motorcyclists.
  2. Look twice! For some reason, people tend to not “see” motorcyclists.

Happy Riding!