Tag Archives: Money

I Am a Puppy Whore

Whenever I’m having a bad day at the mall trying to kill time feeling the urge, I visit the local pet store or shelter to play with puppies.

The first puppy I ever played with was an Australian shepherd. He was such a cutie. And he loved me. The feeling was mutual.

I played with that puppy for over an hour. I even named him. I called him “My Australian Shepherd.” 

Because I’d never had a dog before, I was scared of the responsibility (mainly the poo), so I had limited options.

  1. Convince Kiefer to adopt My Aussie.
  2. Convince my parents to adopt him.

Kiefer declined (that’s the real reason I broke up with him), and my parents declined as well (I knew they never really loved me).

That left only one option: Me.

So I decided that if such an adorable puppy was still there the next day, it was fate. He was meant to be mine. Then I found out My Aussie cost $1,200. Thank goodness someone else adopted him, and I ended up with Esme the cat, who was roughly $100.

Since I lost My Aussie, I’ve become a bit of a puppy whore. Not only do I visit the pet store frequently, I also like to play with friends’ dogs.

In fact, if you don’t have a dog, I can’t be friends with you unless…

  1. You’re super cool and awesome.
  2. You buy me ice cream.

You know about Blarney’s dog Murphy and my brother’s dog Percy the Poodle, but now I’d like to introduce you to the new dog in my life,  Princess’s dog Jack.


Nanny Nanny Boo Boo! Stick Your Head in….

Please excuse the regression to my 5-year-old self.

But I’m having an early birthday celebration this weekend! I’m so flippin’ excited that I may pee my pants! Oops…too late…. Apparently bladder control starts to go at age 29.

Seriously.

So you’ll have to do without me for a few days. I know, I know. Deep breaths. 

What? You forgot my birthday was this month? I can’t believe that you would forget something so important. I mean, it’s not like you have your own blogs, lives, children, and pets to take care of or anything. (::head hung in shame:: <–Yours, not mine.)

Anyways, as my early birthday present, please pick one of the following:

  • Search for a Pete, Jr. (I heard Pete was quite the ladies’ penguin.)
  • Bake some cookies (and then send me a sample).
  • Check out my About and Background pages. (I updated them forever ago and then didn’t tell you.)
  • Start a fundraiser for me you and me to go on another cruise.

Now for some serious business.

Serious Business #1: There’s an imposter amongst us. While the Hipster and I were in Ellicott City, we found someone masquerading as The Jolie!

Serious Business #2: Please send wrinkle cream. Apparently my 29-year-old forehead needs some.

Note to self: Never make that face again. It causes wrinkles.


May the Road Rise to Greet You, Not Trip You

May the sidewalk be level (so you don’t trip),

May all the ugly guys be too drunk to read your “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” t-shirt,

May you find a pot of gold (which you will share with me 70/30),

May you not wake up tomorrow with this butt clover tattoo,

May your Guinness be topped with the foam clover,

May any leprechauns you stumble upon not look like this guy,

And, until we meet again, May the dentist find no cavities.

So maybe the last line is specific to me since I’m off to the dentist this afternoon. (I flossed almost every day for a month, remember?)

Maybe that leprechaun should go with me to the dentist. He looks like he’s missed a few days of flossing.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


Boxers, Bieber, and Big Brown Eyes

It’s time for the ultimate question…

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

I’m definitely a cat person. But don’t tell Esme that.

But I have to admit that sometimes I’m a dog person. Until it’s time to pick up their poo in a plastic bag. Then I switch back to a cat person.

The best way to avoid the poo part is to fall in love with other people’s dogs. For example, last weekend Radley and I went to the pet store to cuddle with puppies.

Radley would kill me if he knew I used Bieber's head in this pic.

Another puppy I love is Nikita.

Isn’t she a cutie? Look at those big brown eyes. Maybe you can help her out by donating to the Cleveland APL?


#4. A Penny Saved Is a Penny Earned

To save or not to save, that is the question….

November 21, 2010, should have been a national holiday.

Why? Because that day I made my last car payment.

That left me with an extra $291 a month. Do you know how many pairs of pants that will buy? (Not that I wear pants. Ask Blarney, she’ll tell you all about my “fake pants.”) How many books? How many ice cream cones? How many Pop-Tarts? Pick your own equivalent.

Or I could make the responsible choice and save it.

 

Saving $291 a month could make me a millionaire! Start sucking up now, people!

Let’s do the math.

In 3,436 months (not counting interest), I could be a millionaire.

That’s 286 years.

Craaaaaaaaap.

Although I’m fairly certain that I will live that long, my newly paid-off car probably won’t, and then I’ll have another flippin’ car payment.

Damn the man.

I should blow my $291 on Pop-Tarts, have the world’s most insane sugar high ever, set a world record for most Pop-Tarts consumed ever, and then slip into a sugar coma.

Then you could say, “I knew her when….”

Or I could do the responsible thing (even though it won’t make me a millionaire): Every month move an extra $200 into my savings account. Hence allowing me to cross #4 off my 30 Before 30 List.

Leaving me with an extra $91 a month to play with.

Any suggestions on what to do with my $91? How much are tickets to Italy going for these days? More than $91?

Oh.

$91 in Pop-Tarts it is.