Tag Archives: Misty Likes to Give Me Stuff

Thanksgiving-Themed Frozen Yogurt: Creamed Corn?

In case you didn’t know, my blogger-buddy Misty had a baby. And although I plan to descend upon her and the baby (aka possibly Scout’s future boyfriend) soon, we tried* to squeeze in one more prebaby date.

*The Braxton Hicks decided to trick Misty, so we didn’t meet.

So we were going to meet for frozen yogurt. A dessert fiend and a pregnant lady. Where else would we go? Duh.

As I scoped out the flavors online, I ran across this flavor:

WTF.

Reeeeeeeeeally. Creamed corn frozen yogurt.

Who decided that was a good idea?

Veggies and dessert do not mix—That comes from someone who claims her PB&J is a fruit because it contains strawberry jelly.

And why does it say it contains milk? It should say, “Contains Corn.”

What’s the funkiest flavor yogurt you’ve tried?

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Santa Put Me on the Nice List This Year

I just wanted to show off a few of my favorite Christmas gifts.

Exhibit A: Giant Candy Bar*

*I don’t have a picture of this.

  • Maybe it’s because I keep forgetting to take one and I don’t want to wait any longer on this post.
  • Maybe it’s because I hid it from my stepsons, and now I can’t remember where I put it.
  • Maybe it’s because I already ate it.

The world may never know.

Because every pregnant woman needs a candy bar the length of her arm. This prevents her from actually eating her arm…or someone else’s arm.

Exhibit B: Branded Pillow

pillow

My friend Princess made this for me. Awwww….

Exhibit C: Zombie Baby T-Shirt

zombaby

Because we all know how much I love zombie babies. Thank you, Misty!

What were some of your favorite Christmas gifts that you gave or received?

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “Either pickle juice you try, I relish the idea.”—BluzDude
  • “With a comment like that, I feel as though you may just be jerkin her gherkin.”—AbsentElemental

Are You a Giver or a Taker?

It’s my birthday month! That’s right. Birthday month.

This year I’ve decided to take whole month. Mainly because Kiefer will be on travel on my actual birthday day. (Is “birthday day” redundant? I don’t care. I’m going with it.)

To kickoff my birthday month, I met Misty for key lime pie martinis dinner. And she gave me gifts. Because that’s what she does. She’s a giver.

She gave me this birthday cupcake!

You know I "accidentally" spit all over this, so Misty wouldn't want a bite.

You know I “accidentally” spit all over this, so Misty wouldn’t want a bite.

Because she’s a giver, she also gave me the Trifecta: Smores-Flavored Vodka, Pop-Tarts, and Oreos.

You know who is the opposite of Misty?

Esme Kitty. Esme is a taker. Esme took my marshmallows.

mallows

Not only did she take my mallows, she didn’t even close the bag.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Welcome to the house of testosterone.”—Omawarisan


As You Wish

Haaaaaave you met Misty? Meeting and friending her should be your #1 priority. Why? Because whenever I see her, she gives me something. Usually vodka or Pop-Tarts.

I have a confession to make. While I consider myself pretty well read…having a degree in English Lit, another degree in Law, and making a consistent attempt to read at least a few books a month (that I try to fit in around my busy TV watching work and child rearing schedule), there is one book that I shamefully have never read. And that book is…The Princess Bride.

But then again, who needs books when you have movies? And in fact, The Princess Bride movie is one of the funniest, most irreverent, clever and iconic movies that I have ever seen. And Thoughtsy’s Movies Teach Us is all about movies, so I guess the fact that I’ve seen this movie more than a few hundred dozen times, is a good start on this post, yes? Who needs books anyway?

There are many life lessons contained in this epic movie. From the very beginning, if you were a child of the 80’s like me, the very sounds of the dated Atari-like baseball video game brings you back to a more innocent and childlike period in your life. A time when, like the young boy in the film, you were home sick from school and your grandfather came to read you a book to pass the time. Where you happily shut down your video game and accepted your doting grandpa’s playful cheek pinch, and settled in for an afternoon of literary entertainment. I mean, that happened to you all the time when you were young, right? Ok, fine… it didn’t happen here either. Whilst there is the whole sick kid/grandpa reading thing, as most young boys would be, this one is similarly unenthused about his grandpa’s visit. But things change soon after the opening pages of the novel, which the boy promises to “try to stay awake” for.

RIP Peter Falk.

Much like the character Fred Savage plays in this movie, I too learned quite a lot from this movie. One of the most important lessons I learned was that after all these years, I still can pretty much quote it verbatim. So, even though I might not remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, it’s good to know that arcane 80’s movie dialogue is still firmly implanted in the ole recesses of my noggin’. Score!

Lessons From The Princess Bride

  • ROUS’s definitely exist, and you should NOT expect Buttercup to help save you from them.
  • The Dread Pirate Roberts does not take prisoners . . . except for those times where he does.
  • Death cannot stop true love.
  • “No more rhymes now, I mean it! (Anybody want a peanut?)”
  • “You keep using that word . . . I do not think it means what you think it means.”
  • “I am not left handed.”
  • People in masks cannot be trusted.
  • Masks are terribly comfortable and everyone will be wearing them in the future.
  • “You put down your rock and I put down my sword and we try to kill each other like civilized people.”

Inconceivable!

  • Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
  • Life IS pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
  • Lies do not become men of action.
  • Always be honest if it is for posterity.
  • If you are seven feet tall and yell at everyone to move, they will part like the Red Sea.
  • Fezzik jogs memories too hard.
  • Bringing up a painful subject is like giving a paper cut and pouring lemon juice on it.
  • People can be only mostly dead, which is slightly alive.
  • True love is the greatest thing in the world . . . except for a nice MLT. Mutton, lettuce & tomato, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe.
  •  Mawedge. Mawedge is what bwings us togevah today.
  • “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
  • There is a worse fate than “to the death.”

    Drop. Your. Sword.

  • Fred Savage doesn’t mind the kissing parts so much.

And finally . . .

  • “As you wish” means “I love you.”

It Feels Good to be a Gangsta

Whenever I see other bloggers, we tend to exchange gifts. Usually people give me Pop-Tarts, and I give…booze.

And I don’t do the classy thing and give a nice bottle of wine, I give flavored liquor…in tiny bottles…to carry in your purse and whip out in an emergency.

Why? Because you never know when you’ll need a shot of vodka…to sterilize a zombie bite. Obviously.

Are you following my logic here? Probably not. Just know that on this blog, everything comes down to 3 5 things:

  • Zombies
  • Pop-Tarts
  • Dessert
  • Key Lime Pie Martinis
  • Gifts for Me

Anyways…last weekend was all about Pop-Tarts and Gifts for Me.

pop-tarts

Misty made me homemade Fig and Bacon Pop-Tarts.

I was so impressed with the homemadeness I blocked out the bacon part. You see…

Confession #1: I don’t really like bacon.

GASP! There are only 2 exceptions.

  1. The first is the bacon that’s crumbled up on salads that’s covered in so much brown-sugary-maple goodness that all you taste is sugar.
  2. The second is this:

bacon1

Hesitant Bite #1

bacon2

Need-a-Bigger-Mouth Bite #2

That’s right, Misty. Your Pop-Tart was yummy. I mean that in a undirty, uncreepy way.

But wait…that’s not all. I got even more Pop-Tarts! Some from Misty and more from The Hipster. (Note: I did not give The Hipster booze. I gave her cookies.)

pop-tart1

The Hipster and I also had the 3 Cs this weekend: crab, chocolate, and ice cream. Life is good.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta Pop-Tartsta.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Honestly, if you’re being attacked by a shark, you’re pretty screwed no matter how many heads it has. (Except zero. If a zero headed shark attacks you, you’ll probably be OK.)”—The Cutter Rambles