Tag Archives: Marriage

Boy or Girl?

All the pregnancy books say you find out the sex of your baby around 18-20 weeks. They lie!

Ok, maybe they don’t lie. Maybe they just say that because that’s when normal pregnancies have the second trimester ultrasound. However, I’m having ultrasound every two weeks.

So imagine my surprise when this happened just before the 14-week mark:

Doctor: Your cervix looks good. So do you want to know the sex of the baby?

Thoughtsy: Wait…what? Yes, please!

Doctor: Looks like…a girl.

Thoughtsy: Really? Hurray! Wait…Are you sure? Because Kiefer already has two boys. I’m pretty sure he only produces boys.

Doctor: Almost definitely a girl. Oh wait…maybe not. I think it’s still just a little early. We’ll tell you at your next appointment.

Thoughtsy: I hate you….

So I didn’t really say, “I hate you.”

My next appointment is this week. What do you think: boy or girl?

The wedding was wonderful! You can see my (and Misty’s and Hippie’s) reception shoes on Facebook.

The Big Wedding vs. My Wedding

Kiefer and I get married on Saturday. That’s just a few days away…and I’m not panicking.

Years ago, Mephistopheles and I were engaged, and he called it off the week of the wedding. That was traumatizing. Of course, two days later he apologized and wanted the wedding to be back on, but I was done.

After that, I swore elopement was the only way to go.

But when Kiefer gave me that option, I turned it down, and for the last four months, we planned our big day.

I thought that over Labor Day weekend I would worry about Kiefer backing out. When I went to work on Tuesday, I realized the thought never crossed my mind.

To prepare us for any wedding mishaps, Kiefer and I watched The Big Wedding.

We really wanted Robin Williams to marry us, but he was booked.

  • For a guy, sometimes his “thing” goes up but may not come down.
  • Four and a half years isn’t that long to wait for a proposal. Some women wait 10 years.
  • Robert DeNiro is a manwhore.
  • “Muffin” can be a person’s name.
  • Never have sex with a man unless he reads you poetry first…and brings you flowers for a year.
  • Docks have a weight limit. Respect it or you will fall in the water.

Kiefer and I are getting married over water, too (if the weather is nice). I’ll have to look up the weight restrictions.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Thoughtsy, here’s your angle for the next time… When confronted with allusions to pooping, explain that ‘Pooping’ may be a bit of a misnomer, as the only thing that comes out or you is glitter. Then if you really want to mess with his head, leave a little glitter scattered around the bathroom.”—BluzDude

How to Get Pregnant: Buy a Too-Small Dress

When I bought my wedding dress, I was not pregnant. Therefore, I was able to squeeze my then-tiny-self into a size 6. It was snug, but it worked. It was also the only size available.

Then…I got pregnant.

I’m sure I got pregnant because I bought a small wedding dress. If the store had had a size 8, I’d have bought that, and I can pretty much guarantee I would not have gotten pregnant.

This pregnancy is in no way related to Kiefer and I using the “whatever happens happens” birth control method. Obviously not related.

When my mom and I went to my first alterations appointment, the seamstress alluded that my dress might not be able to be let out enough to accomodate my changing body. Or as my mom put it on the ride home…

Mom: Thoughtsy, your breasts will not fit in that dress if they get any bigger. And they’re gonna get bigger. You may want to look for a backup dress. Otherwise you’re going to be scrambling for a new dress 3 weeks before your wedding.

What my dress may look like on my wedding day.

My response? I called Kiefer.

Thoughtsy: Kiefer, my mom just called me fat.

 What’s interesting about this is that my dad also called me fat. After Kiefer and I told my dad I was pregnant, he told my mom…

Thoughtsy’s Dad: I thought she might be. When we picked her up from the airport, she wasn’t as anorexic looking as she usually is.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I would have played a game called who can eat cake fastest without a fork. This would give me an excuse to face plant cake in public like I do in private….”—BlissfulBritt

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring, But There Will Be No Showering

I thought I’d change it up from all the baby posts and write a wedding post since Kiefer and I are getting married in less than 2 weeks.

Kiefer: A friend wants to know if anyone is throwing us a shower.

Thoughtsy: No. Because I don’t want a bridal shower.

Kiefer: Why not?

Thoughtsy:  Why not? Dear God, man, what did you say? Please tell me you didn’t give someone permission to throw us a shower. If you did, YOU can play all the stupid games and open all the presents while everyone stares at you and wear all the bows and ribbons on your head.

I’ll just sit back and eat cake. That’s the only good part about showers.

When would we even have time for a shower? We just moved. We just got back from Greece. Our wedding is in less than a month.

Plus showers are just an excuse to get extra gifts. And we didn’t even register for anything because we already combined two households and we’d rather have money or gift cards for new home improvements.

And I’m totally having a baby shower…minus the games. I feel bad getting gifts at a bridal shower, getting wedding gifts, and then getting baby gifts in a 6-month span. It seems greedy.

Kiefer: You’re making my head hurt.

Thoughtsy: Then I think I’ve made my point.

A friend ended up throwing us a small weddding shower this weekend. It was nice. And most importantly, there were no games.

Do You Hear the Words That Are Coming Outta My Mouth?

No one listens to me. Ever. I’m not sure if it’s the quietness of my voice or the fact that I sound like a child, but for some reason, I’m constantly saying, “I told you so.” Except I’m too nice to actually say it.

At the end of June, I made an appointment to have my wedding dress altered. Here’s how that phone call went.

Thoughtsy: Hello, I need to make an alterations appointment for my wedding dress.

Seamstress: When is your wedding?

Thoughtsy: September 7th.

Seamstress: Oh my…you need to come in right away.

Thoughtsy: Yeah…that’s not going to happen. I’m about to move, and then I’m headed to Greece. The earliest I can come in is the end of July. Plus…I’m pregnant. I don’t think you want to do the alterations too soon.

Another lady calls me back, and I tell her I’m pregnant, and she’s not sure the end of July is enough time. A third lady calls me and says everything will be fine as long as I come in as soon as I return from Greece.

I take the afternoon off work, put the dress on, and come out of the fitting room.

Seamstress: I see in your file you’re a mother-to-be. Congratulations!

Thoughtsy: Thanks!

Seamstress: We don’t like to do alterations on mothers to be this soon. We like to wait until about 3 weeks out. So let’s make another appointment for you.

Translation: This appointment was 100% usless. Sorry to have wasted your time.

Thoughtsy: W…T…F….