Let’s Make a Pact: No Psychos in the House

When I was little, I always thought it would be cool to have a house with hidden rooms and secret passages.

Now, as a semi-adult, I realize that would be an awful idea. What if I got stuck in a hidden room? No one would be able to find me. Or, even worse…what if there was a secret room that I didn’t know about, and a psychokiller lived in that room?

The Pact is a perfect example of why secret rooms are a bad idea.

Why buy a Ouija board when you can draw your own?

Here’s what I learned from the movie:

• Always pee with the door open. Even when other people are in the house.
• If you run outside after a ghost attack, don’t get too comfortable. You have to go back inside to get the child you forgot.
• If someone turns down ice cream, she’s definitely been attacked by a ghost.
• When at a motel, it’s totally safe to walk outside to the vending machine in only your tanktop and undies.
• It’s also totally safe to ride your motorcycle in the same outfit…as long as you put on a helmet.

Most importantly, I learned that just because a movie is called “The Pact” doesn’t mean there’s a pact mentioned in the movie…ever.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Norma Jean definitely loves me. She was meowing constantly at about midnight last night so I got up to see what her problem was because sometimes she talks to the ceiling. She found a bug. And she killed it. That’s true love.”—SugarDishMe

Extreme Tourists Enjoy Radiation

Over the weekend, I tried to watch The Grey, but in the first 10 minutes a wolf gets shot, and I had to turn it off because wolves are my friends.

Then I tried to watch Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies. But it was too unbelievable. Teddy Roosevelt was in it, and he wasn’t even born until after the Civil War. The unbelievability had nothing to do with the zombies.

After that, I switched to My Cousin Vinny. I learned that “dead-on-balls accurate” is an industry term, and when talking about your biological clock, it makes more of an impact if you stomp your feet.

Finally, I decided to watch The Chernobyl Diaries. I was disappointed, but I did learn a few things about extreme tourism.

For example…Always look behind you.

Extreme Tourism means you will be…

• Mauled by a radioactive bear.
• Bitten by a radioactive fish.
• Attacked by wild dogs.
• Attacked by Russian mutant cannibals.

And then you’ll die. So when it comes to extreme tourism, just say, “No.”