Tag Archives: Look At Her Butt

Oh. My. God. Becky, Look at Her Butt….

Scout looks absolutely nothing like me. She might have my hair, but Kiefer’s hair is darkish, too, so it’s hard to tell.

If I hadn’t been in labor with her for nearly 30 hours, I might question that she was actually my child.

But the other day, this happened:

beanbag

And it reminded me of this:

HPIM1359

Look familiar? Are you looking at my butt? Because that’s not what I meant. Scout’s wearing a diaper, so you can’t really compare our butts.

We both love giant beanbags!

You’re still looking at my butt, aren’t you?

 


A Leprechaun May Have Impregnated Me

Saturday night I went out with some girl friends. Because it wasn’t actually St. Patrick’s Day, I thought it would be safe. I was so wrong.

Drunk Guy: ::Says something I don’t understand::

Me: What?

Drunk Guy: I just wish I knew if it was my baby.

Me: Whoa…. Who’s pregnant?

Drunk Guy: I just don’t know if it’s my baby. And they can’t raise a baby. But you…you’re smart. I can tell. We’re going to name our baby “Evan.”

Me: I’m pregnant?

Drunk Guy: Are you?

Me: I’m very unpregnant.

Drunk Guy: Freaking nihilists…. ::babbles something about nihilists::

Me: What?

Drunk Guy: They can’t raise a baby. But we could. I mean, you could because you’re so intelligent. Intelligenter than everyone here.

Me: Did you just say “intelligenter?”

Drunk Guy: We’ll raise the baby together. I’m going to kidnap you now.

Me: WHAT?

Drunk Guy: I’m going to do it. ::puts down his drink and gestures that he’s going to throw me over his shoulder::

Me: Um…no. Uh…you should finish your beer first.

Drunk Guy: I’m going to kiss you now.

Me: HOLY CRAP! IS THAT A LEPRECHAUN OVER THERE?

And that, my friends, is how you escape crazy drunk people on St. Patrick’s Day weekend.

It wasn’t entirely a fool-proof plan because he did manage to pinch my butt as I was walking away. But at least I managed to escape kidnapping.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “My fervent hope is that somewhere in the mass of pub-crawling St. Patricks Day asshats* that are going to be totally boning my commute tomorrow, a leprechaun like this will create pandemonium on the platform. The hundreds of drunk people will run away, and I will catch my train.”—JM Randolph

*Putting the word “asshat” in a comment is pretty much a guarantee you’ll get Favorite Comment. That word cracks me up.


This Is Not the Post You’re Looking For

After visiting my little brother in LA, I’m flying to the East Coast, and approximately 14 hours later, I’m headed back to the West Coast for work.

Which means…my blog will suffer, but I’ve predrafted this search terms post for you to read.

You’re welcome.

The following search terms brought the boys to the yard people to my blog:

  • Cat Playing in Toilet. Yep. Got that.
  • My Butt in See-Through Panties. Ain’t got that.
  • How to Fluff Your Lovesac. Got that.
  • Pop-Tart Addicts. I can stop any time I want!
  • White Chocolate Pop-Tarts. WHERE?! I mean…that sounds racist.
  • End of World Butt. Uhhhh…no. You should probably go see a doctor.
  • What Is a Pennis? Probably the same thing as a Pianist.

Have a great week!

What’s the funniest search term that’s brought someone to your blog?


My Mom Is Leaving Dad for Jay-Z

 
Mom: I saw that Jay-Z on TV the other day. He seems like a very intelligent, well-rounded man. I like him.
 
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

When I was young and rebellious, I could always count on one type of music to annoy my parents. And that music was rap.

Remember what rap was like before Jay-Z?

Here’s just a sampling of songs that made my parents cringe. Dad’s comments are in red.

Ninja Rap

  • “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice: Alright, stop, collaborate, and listen.
  • “You Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer: Stop. Hammer time….
  • “Fight For Your Right” by Beastie Boys: You wake up late for school and you don’t wanna go…. Oh you’re going to school, young lady.
  • “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio: As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…. At least this sounds Biblical.
  • “Jump Around” by House of Pain: Get up, stand up, come on throw your hands up…. Sit down. Sit on your hands.
  •  “I Wish” by Skee Lo: I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller….

And then there were the rap songs about butts:

  • “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot: Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt….
  • “Rump Shaker” by Wreck N Effectz: All I wanna do is a zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom…. There will be none of that till you’re married.
  • “Shoop” by Salt N’ Pepa: Brother, wanna thank your mother for a butt like that….

My mom’s interest in rap has me worried. If parents can like rap, what music will children use to annoy their parents?

Looks like the answer is sheer volume.