Tag Archives: Licking Wine Off Your Arm Is Classy

How to Spot a Psychokiller

One evening the Cupcake Dangler (CD) invited me to his house. I accepted…and then I panicked.

What if his super-polite gentlemanliness was all an act…and he was secretly a psychokiller.

After Googling the percentage of psychopaths in the population (1-2%), I decided to play the odds. CD was probably safe. And his house probably did not contain a secret torture room.

Nevertheless, I decided to be on guard and look for suspicious psychokiller clues.

CD: Would you like some wine?

What I Should Have Said: No, thank you.

What I Really Said: Yes, please. 

Translation: I’m afraid you’re going to kill me, and I want to be numb to the pain.

CD: Red or White? This bottle of white is already opened, but I can open the red if you prefer?

What I Should Have Said: Red, please.

Translation: I want to be sure you didn’t roofie the opened bottle.

What I Really Said: White, please.

Translation: Roofie, shmoofie.

CD: Can I give you the tour?

What I Should Have Said: Yes. Of the living room. Only the living room.

What I Really Said: Sure!

Translation: I will stab you with the wine glass stem if you try anything.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I’m with you; that peacock looks incredibly dangerous. Its beady eye is freaking me out right now.”—Sarah9188


Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

“That’s the good thing about hanging out with bloggers. Most of them are kind of f-cked up in the same way you are.”—The Bloggess

Have you read any posts by The Bloggess? Have you read her book: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson?

On Sunday Misty (go to her blog for autographed stuff)  and I met The Bloggess. Here’s how it went down:

Thoughtsy: Oh my gosh, it’s so nice to meet you!

Jenny: It’s nice to meet you! What’s in the gift bag? Alcohol? Kittens?

Thoughtsy: Kitten-related stuff. And a shirt like mine so we can be twinsies. Sooooo…do you like my shirt?

That last part is not true. I tug on my shirt when I’m nervous…it’s my Mary Catherine Gallagher nervous trait.

Hi, I’m Thoughtsy. You’re awesome. Please accept this humble offering. BTW…Do you like my shirt?

If you haven’t read Jenny’s book, you should. It’s been on the New York Times Bestseller’s List for a month. If you’re still not convinced, maybe some bullets Movies-Teach-Us-style will persuade you.

Here’s what I learned from the book:

  • Star Wars is not a documentary.
  • Bobcats make good house pets.
  • “Intestines” is French for “poop rope.”
  • Feral cats are actually vampire cougars.
  • Drugs make your boobies fall off.
  • Licking wine off your arm is classy.

Well, Jenny, you’ve just met the classiest person to ever walk the earth.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “So glad I didn’t have to read that headline and say, ‘Oh, I knew Thoughtsy, and this is a set up…she would NEVER pee in the woods!’ Glad you lived to tell the tale yourself!”—Suzicate