Tag Archives: Letters

Your Queue Has Been Reordered

Dear Everyone Else in the Entire World Other Netflix Subscribers,

I need your help. It’s nearly Halloween, and I just started my annual Halloween movie marathon.

Oops…. My bad.

Last year I watched the Scream series, the year before was Friday the 13th (which was insane because there were 12 movies), and the year before it was Halloween.

This year I’m watching Final Destination. That’s 5 movies. I think I can watch 5 movies in the two remaining weeks. Except I’m traveling for 7 of those days.


So no one else should rent those movies from Netflix. I can’t have “Short Wait,” “Long Wait,” or “Very Long Wait” popping up in my queue.

Seriously. Whoever has Final Destination 3…send it back ASAP. Did you put it in the mail? You did? Thanks! There’s a red envelope with a shiny (ooooo, shiny!) foil Pop-Tart package coming your way.

Just in case that’s not enough, here’s a quick Movies Teach Us post about the first Final Destination:

  • Never rip an old flight ticket off your luggage.
  • The Candyman also works as a mortician. (::shudder::)
  • Never go to Paris.



My Cat’s Role Model Is Mike Tyson

Dear Esme,

W. T. F.

You suck.

I’m so mad I can’t even talk to you right now.

Not Sincerely,


Ms. Appear (We are no longer on a first name basis.)

Does this look infected to you?

Dear Esme,

I’ve calmed down a little, but you still suck.

What were you thinking? I’ll tell you what you were thinking: You weren’t thinking.

When I am laying on the floor doing crunches, I am off limits. Do not jump on my head and attack my ponytail. My ponytail is not your toy.

I do not appreciate the giant gash you left in my ear the day before BlogHer. If I wanted my ears pierced, I’d go to Claire’s thankyouverymuch.

As punishment, you are no longer allowed to hang out with Mike Tyson…ever again. Don’t even speak his name to me.

In the future, please refrain from scratching me and keep your paws claws to yourself.



PS: You’re still in trouble.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “So if I go into a vodka-induced coma, I’m going to have to hope I have more than little boys around. Wow. That MIGHT be the creepiest-sounding thing I’ve ever said.”—Go Jules Go

Dear Tropical Storm Debby, Go Away.

Dear Tropical Storm Debby and Mother Nature,

I’m not sure if you were aware or not, but this past weekend was my birthday weekend. I planned to spend a long weekend in Tampa filled with seeing my godson, friends, and sunny beaches.

Sunny beaches. Instead of sun, you gave me buckets and buckets of rain. And, of course, all the rain caused flooding, so we couldn’t even get close to a beach.

Then, just for good measure, you threw in a few tornadoes. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

In turn, all of that nasty weather ruined a baseball tournament. You know where all those kids ended up? Kiefer and I’s hotel. Nice….

Lucky for you, Kiefer is pretty awesome, so we still had a nice time. But was it really necessary to linger for days? You couldn’t even have given me one day with some sun and beach weather?

Mother Nature, you’re a beach. I hate you.


Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Dear Thoughtsy, Better keep your hands off my potential new boyfriend. Sincerely, Skipping.”—Skipping Stones

Johnny Depp: Single and Ready to Mingle

To Whom It May Concern Dear Boyfriend,

I regret to inform that your window of opportunity has closed. You are no longer first in line as my future husband.

Now that Johnny Depp is single, he’s moved to the #1 spot.

Johnny, we’re flavored-vodka people, not rum people.

Years ago, a Facebook quiz predicted I would marry Johnny Depp, and ever since, I’ve been waiting patiently for his proposal.

Now I’m sure that proposal is forthcoming.

Best Wishes,


PS: You snooze, you lose.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Happy birthday. I hope someone takes you to a Mexican restaurant and secretly tells the server it’s your birthday, and the entire wait staff parades to your table singing a royalty-free version of ‘Happy Birthday,’ and I hope they give you fried ice cream and give you a sombrero and take a Polaroid picture and pin it to the wall by the cash register.”—Todd Pack

This Is Why I Blog

The other day I read a new blog. It was funny, so I left a comment. When I returned the next day, I saw this.

Here my initial thoughts when I read that post.

  • Oooo…it says “stalkers” in the title. Stalkers are fun. They’re like ninjas.
  • Oooo…she met a celebrity. I hope it was someone hot.
  • Oooo…it was Thoughtsy of Thoughts Appear. I hear she’s hot.
  • Waaaait…what? That’s me!

Miss Four Eyes dedicated a post to mwah. Although she’s only recently started her own blog, she’s been reading my blog for awhile.

Here’s part of her post that may or may not have brought tears to my eyes. I’m breaking it up into bullets, so I can add in my commentary.

  • You taught me exactly what the appropriate chocolate to fruit ratio is. Thank goodness somebody got this! I’m still beating Ddot over the head with this one.
  • You showed me that even though you might meet really sucky guys there are always good ones waiting for you somewhere. I truly believe the good guys outnumber the bad ones.
  • You taught me not to settle for something if I’m not okay with it.
  • I should go for what I want in life. Especially if what you want is dessert.
  • You’ve shown me that learning is a constant process, and that it never really stops. You taught me that the most obvious things in life might be the funniest ones. I laugh at everything. Especially myself.  Except when I trip and fall. That’s not funny.

Miss Four Eyes said, “You are the reason I started blogging.”

Well, Miss Four Eyes, I’m looking forward to learning about you through your blog. And today I’m blog crushing on you. Because you are the reason I started blogging.

  • I blog because I want to bring a little laughter to someone who’s having a bad day.
  • I blog because when I’m having a bad day I want someone to tell me tomorrow will be better.
  • I blog because somewhere someone is going through the same thing as me. Readers, you’re not alone.
  • I blog to give my thoughts a voice.
  • I blog because that’s the only way I can justify eating as much dessert as I do.

Why do you blog?