The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things. Their tops are made out of rubber, their bottoms are made out of springs.
Tigger is the Man. He’s had it right all along. Bouncing is awesome. Things that bounce are awesome. You can be awesome, too, if you have any of the things listed below.
Exhibit A: Trampoline
As a child (and even as an adult), I wanted a trampoline. You know you want one, too. My parents denied me a trampoline because we couldn’t afford trampoline insurance. I’ll believe anything. What’s that you say? Gullible begins with a “Gh.” No way. Really?
Exhibit B: Pogo Ball
Remember these? A ball of awesome surrounded by a ring of awesome to stand on. It’s like your own little bouncing planet. Once I bounced on it for 12 hours straight. True story.
Exhibit C: The Moon Bounce
Similar to the trampoline, but you can’t bounce quite as high. And you don’t have to worry about bouncing off because it is a little house of bounce. On our first date (a beer festival), Kiefer Sutherland and I tossed a bunch of little kids out on their bony behinds so we could bounce and not squash them.
Ok, not really. It was raining and we just wanted to stay dry. We had no interest in bouncing, and that’s why we tossed the kids out.
That’s not true either. It was a beer festival, so there weren’t many kids, and the moon bounce was empty.
Exhibit D: The Oversized Ball
Similar to the Pogo Ball. It’s so lazy children can bounce and have fun, too. Sometimes people sit on them at their desks at work. They claim it helps their posture, but we all know they bounce when no one’s looking.
Exhibit E: The Tiny Bouncing Ball
These come out of the tiny 25-cent machines at the grocery store. Puddin’ and I used to get them and bounce them as we walked around the mall. I bet they’re 50 cents now. Stupid inflation.
Exhibit F: Moon Shoes
Radley has a pair of these. Moon Shoes are essentially lots of rubber bands. Secret: The weight limit is about 180 pounds, which I’m under, but I’m still afraid to try them out. If they broke, it would shatter my self esteem.
And if you try to do what this little girl is doing, you’ll most likely shatter your bones. You don’t catch that much air.
Now, run along and play with something bouncy. It’ll make you awesome. And be sure to invite me over if you get a moon bounce or trampoline.
That concludes today’s lesson, grasshopper.