Piglet Frenched My Daughter: A Mommy Fail

Scout spends her days climbing over Ozzy Pups and crawl-chasing Esme Kitty. Because she loves animals so much, I took her twice (with different “boyfriends”—Kiefer loves it when I say that) to a petting farm.

She especially loved the piggies.

No, I mean she really loved them. And they loved her. Literally.

Piggy Kiss!

Oops.

So was this a Mommy fail? On one hand, she was exposed to some dirt and germs to build up her immune system. On the other hand, ewwww! Germs!

Not to mention the future dating standards. What if Scout never meets someone who can kiss better than that pig? What if he set the bar too high?

Where in Hell Am I?

After crushing on Repo! The Genetic Opera, I immediately searched for similar movies. And by “immediately,” I mean as soon as the credits started rolling.

I found one: The Devil’s Carnival.

The movie’s main characters (based on Aesop’s Fables) end up in Hell, which is actually a carnival. I took comfort in knowing that if Hell is a carnival, at least there will be cotton candy.

Here’s what I learned:

• Don’t be too trusting of guys with good hair. They’ll strap you to a spinning wheel of death and throw a knife into your heart.
  

  I would never hurt you. Now let me sharpen my knives….

• Don’t kiss carnival women. They’ll bite your ear off.
• Be content when you already have enough. Being greedy will lead to you lose everything…including your clothes.
• Even love can’t change someone’s true nature.
• Even Hell has rules. For example: No crying “Wolf,” “Shark,” or “Sasquatch.” Safety first, you know.

Most importantly, I learned that if you end up someplace with 666 rules…you’re in big trouble.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “The Cadbury’s and Darrell Lea chocolate companies had an epic legal battle over the rights to the colour purple. Let it never be said that chocolate doesn’t focus on the important decisions.”—Queen Gen