With This Ring…

Only one thing stinks from Kiefer and I’s wedding: no pictures…yet.

We tried to keep our wedding on a budget, but we splurged on our photographers. They edit every single photo and then give us ALL of the photos.

But we won’t get to see those photos for a couple months. Lucky for us, our friends took some pictures.

Here are the highlights:

Boo walked me down the aisle.

Kiefer and I said our vows, and then we joined hands with Boo and Radley for some family words. The officiant said something along the lines of “May your life be full of…,” which ended with  Radley adding, “And lots of sweets!”

Of course. there was a kiss.

The boys exited with a jump…

And then I took a more graceful exit.

#5 on the 35 Before 35 List complete!

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I remember my wife, when she was 8 months pregnant, bursting into tears and angrily telling me I could go off with THAT WOMAN if I REALLY WANTED TO. I’d just ordered some drinks from the barmaid in the pub.”—RuralSpaceMan

How to Get Pregnant: Buy a Too-Small Dress

When I bought my wedding dress, I was not pregnant. Therefore, I was able to squeeze my then-tiny-self into a size 6. It was snug, but it worked. It was also the only size available.

Then…I got pregnant.

I’m sure I got pregnant because I bought a small wedding dress. If the store had had a size 8, I’d have bought that, and I can pretty much guarantee I would not have gotten pregnant.

This pregnancy is in no way related to Kiefer and I using the “whatever happens happens” birth control method. Obviously not related.

When my mom and I went to my first alterations appointment, the seamstress alluded that my dress might not be able to be let out enough to accomodate my changing body. Or as my mom put it on the ride home…

Mom: Thoughtsy, your breasts will not fit in that dress if they get any bigger. And they’re gonna get bigger. You may want to look for a backup dress. Otherwise you’re going to be scrambling for a new dress 3 weeks before your wedding.

What my dress may look like on my wedding day.

My response? I called Kiefer.

Thoughtsy: Kiefer, my mom just called me fat.

 What’s interesting about this is that my dad also called me fat. After Kiefer and I told my dad I was pregnant, he told my mom…

Thoughtsy’s Dad: I thought she might be. When we picked her up from the airport, she wasn’t as anorexic looking as she usually is.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I would have played a game called who can eat cake fastest without a fork. This would give me an excuse to face plant cake in public like I do in private….”—BlissfulBritt

See This Wedding Dress? It Means I Can’t Date You

On my way home from picking up my wedding dress, a truck pulled up next to me at a traffic light. The window was rolled down…and it was raining.

At the next light, I got impatient and let my car inch forward. They did the same.

I inched forward even more, and they did, too. I knew exactly where this was headed.

Hopefully, the next light would be green, and I could zoom off into the sunset.

The light was red.

Son of a….

Guy in Truck: My buddy wants your phone number.

Seriously?

Do you or do you not see the wedding dress in the passenger seat?

I know you saw the dress because it’s flippin’ huge.*

Le sigh.

Has anyone actually married someone they met at a traffic light? What about dated? Is that what the kids are doing these days? What happened to online dating?

*That is NOT my dress.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “For the crime of arachnacide you should get all the years in prison. All of them.”—Daile