Tag Archives: I Will Cut You

Don’t Poke the Bear

Have I ever mentioned that Boo and Radley were born at home?

More power to their mom for being doctor-and-drug-free, but that scares me. What if something had happened?

Because my pregnancy is high risk (and even if it wasn’t), this baby will be born in a hospital. A hospital that—according to Radley—sucks.

Radley: Will the baby be born at home? Because you know the hospital sucks, right?

How would a 10-year-old know a hospital sucks? And how would Boo and Radley’s mom know the hospital sucks since she’s never delivered a baby there?

Other questions and comments from Radley also concern birthing tubs, letting Kiefer’s ex’s mom be the doula, and how drugs are bad for the little one on the way.

::biggest sigh EVER::

I appreciate that the boys’ mom chose to have her children at home, but that won’t work for this pregnancy. How do Kiefer and I explain to Boo and Radley that we can’t have this baby at home because the pregnancy is high risk without…

  1. Scaring them.
  2. Having them repeat everything to their mother so she’s all up in our business.

Suggestions?

We took Radley on a tour of the hospital, and I’m hoping it helped since he and I had this conversation:

Radley: Why is the baby being born in the hospital?

Me: Because they’re watching the baby very closely to make sure everything is OK.

Radley: Are you scared?

Me: Not yet. OK, maybe just a little. But the nice about giving birth in the hospital is that if something bad happens, we’re already here.

I understand that all Radley knows is home births. And I’m sure it’s not only coming from his mom since his grandma is a doula. But as I’m entering the third trimester in a couple weeks, the last thing I want to hear is how the hospital sucks. It’s soooooooooo frustrating.

Pregnant women are like bears. They look plump and cuddly, but they are dangerous.

This bear was at my parent's house a couple weeks ago.

This bear was at my parent’s house a few weeks ago. No one was mauled. Why? Because no one poked her.

Don’t poke the pregnant bear, people.

Any suggestions on what to tell Radley? What are some of the funniest comments your kids said about their soon-to-arrive siblings?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Oh, another one of those permissive parents who let their kids get away with everything.  If you don’t call the cops for pop-tart thievery, next thing you know they’ll be all grown up and robbing banks.”—Pegoleg


What’s a Wedding Without a Trampoline?

The morning after the wedding, as Radley was pouring his cereal, he said, “Good morning, Stepmom!”

It was cute. Nothing had changed, yet it had.

The Monday after the wedding at a meeting, I introduced myself as “Thoughtsy Appear.” My coworkers responded with “Who is that?” until I corrected my name to “Thoughtsy Sutherland.”

But I think the best (i.e., worst) title slip-up took place just a couple days after the wedding.

Kiefer: I guess I can’t call you my fiancee anymore.

Thoughtsy: What?! Why?

Kiefer: Seriously?

Thoughtsy: Oh…right…because we got married Saturday. Oops…I knew that.

We didn’t have a trampoline at our wedding. That’s my excuse for forgetting.

I swear my natural hair color is not blond.

Sorry, Kelso. You have some competition.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Maybe if you just went all sports bra, all the time, Kiefer would leave your SuperUniBoob alone?”—GoJulesGo