Tag Archives: I Am a Jerk

Sometimes Baby Showers Surprise You

My baby shower was a couple weeks ago. I was torn. Baby showers have cupcakes, and I wanted cupcakes.

But baby showers also have games, and I didn’t want to play any games. No tasting baby food, no guessing which candy bar is meltily smeared in each diaper (Dear Lord, why would anyone waste a candy bar like that?), and no baby bingo.

Know how to avoid games at a baby shower?

Make it man-friendly. Nobody expects guys to diaper balloons or pin the pacifier on the baby.

However, I did allow a few baby-related decorations, like diaper pins on the cupcakes and rubber duckies in the punch.

My rubber ducky punch was supposed to look like this.

Instead, the rubber ducky punch looked like this:

Rubber Ducky Punch Fail.

Rubber Ducky Punch Fail.

At least it still tasted good.

I was also hoping to avoid opening presents in front of everyone. I didn’t want that much attention, and nobody wants to sit through presents of wipes and butt paste.

Then a couple friends asked me to open their presents so they could explain them. So I quickly opened theirs, thanked them, and then looked up to see a crowd gathering.

Noooooo….

So I opened more presents. With the sun beating down on my back and eyes on my tummy, I started perspiring. Misty and Hippie will tell you it was a pregnancy glow because they’re nice. It was sweat.

That’s when I began wondering if it would be rude to spill water all over my lap, yell “My water broke,” and leave my own shower.

Then I got this:

backrub

All Mommy Wanted Was a Back Rub

And everyone laughed. And I felt like a jerk. Sure I didn’t want everyone staring at me, but people got me some really cool gifts, and I’m glad that everyone else got to see them…even if they were displayed by a perspiring glowing—just go with it—me.

baby stuff

Mommy’s Little Zombie Hunter, Does This Diaper Make My Butt Look Big?, and The Babe With the Power