Tag Archives: Halloween

Movie Monday: Lords of Salem

When’s the last time I did a Movies Teach Us post? Does anyone even remember? Obviously, it’s been entirely too long. This post isn’t one either.

I blame Kiefer.

In preparation for Halloween, Netflix mailed me Lords of Salem. It’s not just a horror movie. It’s a Rob Zombie movie.

Rob Zombie = Super Creepy

A week ago we sat down to watch it, we only made it in about 30 minutes or so when…

SPOILER!

…some witches cut a baby out of a pregnant woman. It wasn’t very graphic, but we stopped the movie anyways.

Kiefer: I can’t watch this.

Thoughtsy: What? Why?

Kiefer: I can’t watch it while you’re pregnant.

Thoughtsy: Because I’m pregnant is exactly why we should watch it. No matter what happens during labor and delivery, it won’t be as bad as bunch of witches cutting our baby out of my tummy near a bonfire as part of some Satanic ceremony.

Kiefer: ::staring::

Thoughtsy: Soooooo…I’ll watch it by myself.

Kiefer: ::raising eyebrows::

Thoughtsy: Later. During the day. And then I’ll follow it up with cartoons…and pie.

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “Are you sure that office is not run by the Cullen clan. Seems pretty sinister to me, not that I’m one for conspiracy theories or anything. Just saying.”—Pieterk515
  • And Hippie’s comment…because she cussed. Multiple times. And she never cusses.

 


You’ve Reached Your Final Destination

So you’re probably wondering if I completed my Final Destination Halloween Movie Marathon.

Or maybe you weren’t wondering.

But you are now, aren’t ya?

I did not finish it before Halloween. Travel for work interfered. Stupid work…always interfering with my blogging.

You all should take up a collection so I can quit work and just blog all the time. Anyone want to take the lead on that? Anyone? Hello?

Anyways…here’s what I learned from the Final Destination series:

  • If the song “Highway to Hell” comes on the radio, stop driving. Immediately.
  • Never drive across a bridge. It’ll collapse.
  • Never go through a carwash. You might drown.
  • Never go into a home improvement store. You’ll get shot with a nail gun.
  • If you call Buddha “fat,” his statue will fall on your head and kill you.
  • When your horseshoe diamond ring falls in the garbage disposal, just let it go. Let it go, my friend.

Most importantly, I learned not to ignore the signs. Sometimes they’re subtle signs; sometimes they’re obvious signs, and sometimes you need to fill in the blanks. For example, “Do Not Enter” actually means “Do Not Enter…because you’re about to be impaled.”

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I love it when you get a little mushy on here. It makes me feel warm like someone light a blow torch in my colon. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your amazing family!”—Brittany


Pocahontas Fraternizes with Zombies

This Halloween Kiefer and I wanted our costumes to match. He was going to be an outlaw, and I was going to be a saloon girl.

Then I realized saloon girl costumes aren’t very flattering for my body shape. And Kiefer decided he didn’t like his outlaw costume.

So we decided on cowboys and indians to out the biggest conspiracy theory ever. It’s so secret you’ve probably never even heard of it.

Zombies inhabited the Wild West.

So we did cowboys and indians zombie style.

Except I had just gotten back from San Antonio, and I was too exhausted to do any zombie makeup. So I half-assed it by just wearing zombie contacts.

Which you can’t even see in this picture…. Fail….

Kiefer, Me, Elvis, Blarney

We also solved the mystery of Elvis: He’s totally alive.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Yessssss. And NOW… hack it into pieces.”—Sugardishme


I Won the Pumpkin Battle

They had me outnumbered….

But I triumphed.