Tag Archives: Future Husband

Bras Make Cute Hats

Did you read the Movies Teach Us post about Weird Science?

No? I’m hurt. I’m really hurt.

Go read it now. I’ll wait.

In that post I described the steps for creating the perfect mate. One of those steps requires you to wear a bra on your head. But then you have to send me the picture or you don’t get the perfect partner.

Vesta already sent me her picture. Where’s yours?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Why didn’t he just say that in the first place? I mean, has he MET you? Obviously, that was going to be the selling point! And if you are living together, I imagine he’s gonna have a hard time keeping his hands off of your ‘truffles.’”—Misty

Carryin’ the Banner

Open the gates and seize the day….

1992. I was about 11 years old, in 6th grade, and I was tomboy. I played with boys; I didn’t think they were cute.

That all changed when I saw this face. ::droooool::

Marry Me? Please?

And this face.

And these guys doing this.

I could go on forever. And all of these handsome faces could be seen in one movie: Newsies.

That movie made me view boys in a different light. Boys were cute. Boys could sing and dance…and fight. These boys I wanted to hold hands with, not play basketball with.

And now I can relive my youth by seeing Newsies on Broadway. Please excuse me while I squeal like a teenage woo-hoo girl.

I hope Christian Bale is in it. Otherwise I may be setting myself up for disappointment.

Is there an age limit on Cabana boys? Could Christian Bale be my Cabana boy?

Will You Marry My Blog?

Here we are, just days before my 30th birthday, and Kiefer hasn’t proposed.

And that’s the only thing left to cross off my 30 Before 30 List. (Except do something awesome for my birthday, which I did, but I haven’t posted about because I’m still waiting for pics…from Kiefer’s camera. Hmph.)

So I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. Starting now, I’m accepting applications for a blog husband or wife. Just like how people have a work husband or work wife.

Because it’s a blog husband or wife, you can still apply if you’re already married. Because it’s only pretend. Pre-tend. Got that? I just want to be perfectly clear because I don’t want anyone to be disappointed when they find out I’m not really going to marry them.

To apply to be a blog husband or wife….

  • Leave a comment below explaining why you would be a wonderful blog husband/wife.
  • Include a link to the ring that you would buy me. (I’ll totally accept rings from those little toy machines at the grocery store.)

After I pick a blog husband or wife, you’ll need to write a guest post for my blog. That’s all. After that, you’re free to flirt with other blogs.

Deal? Deal.

Have a wonderful weekend ring shopping!

Valentine’s Day Countdown

Someone got engaged….

No, it wasn’t me. (But writing about engagement seemed like a great way to kick off the countdown to Valentine’s Day.) It was Blunt Delivery. She’s one of my long-time blog crushes. She looks like this:

I think the black censor strips are her everyday clothing. But she may have a different color for every day of the week.

Here’s why you should check her out:

  1. Because I said so.
  2. Her subtitle used to be Where Honesty Flows Like Boxed Wine. Anything with “boxed wine” in the title is awesomeness in a box, er, blog.
  3. She likes the Borders Cocoa Trio.
  4. In her vlog, she ate Peppermint ice cream, a king-sized Kit Kat, and a cupcake. (You know  I appreciate a blogger with the same dessert appetite as myself.)
  5. She doesn’t like the Mystery Flavor Dum Dums. Really though, who does?

I’m not sure if she likes Pop-Tarts, but I feel like it’s a safe assumption that she does.

So while you’re checking out her blog, be sure to say Congratulations!

Sacrificing Pete the Penguin

WARNING: I know these next pictures are going to be particularly disturbing. The pictures are real. Kiefer really went shark diving. I know it looks extremely realistic, but I swear I photoshopped in the pictures of Pete the Penguin. No animals were harmed.

Dear Thoughts,

I’m shark diving today. I decided to take our new pet Pete the Penguin with me. Don’t worry; I dressed him weather appropriate.

Look how much fun Pete and I are having! It’s like we’re starring in an episode of Shark Week. The sharks here are so nice. They’re really more like the sharks from Finding Nemo: “Fish are Friends, Not Food.”

Shark diving is 100% safe.

Wish you were here!

Love, Kiefer

To Whom It May Concern:

I regret to inform you that there was an accident. I’m ok, but Pete…Pete didn’t make it. I turned my back for just one second, and he was gone. Just one second. I don’t understand how this could have happened. I didn’t even hear the Jaws theme.

I have a confession. Pete’s death wasn’t an accident. The shark rattled the cage, and I panicked. The whole thing’s a blur, but apparently I shouted, “Take the penguin instead! I can’t die yet! I haven’t even proposed to Thoughtsykins yet!” before tossing Pete out of the cage and into the Great White’s massive jaws.

I swear this is not a reflection of my parenting skills. Our future children have nothing to fear. Nor is it a reflection of petsitting abilities. I promise to take excellent care of Esme.

Please don’t hate me.

Love, Kiefer

Just in case you haven’t caught on yet, Kiefer Sutherland didn’t really send me any post cards from Africa. These aren’t even post cards. They’re pictures he took while he was traveling. You can read the other fake post cards here and here.