Tag Archives: Fitness

Superhero Capes: For or Against?

Now that I’m single, I have a lot of free time on my hands. What am I going to do with that time? I’m going to give back. I’m going to help people.

I’m going to become a superhero.

Instead of starting with a rigorous exercise regimen, I exercised my powers of observation. I watched The Avengers, so I could observe hotties like Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth real superheroes.

chris_evans

Dear God, Please send me a Pop-Tart-lovin’ superhero wife….

Here’s what I learned from The Avengers:

  • If you’re tied to a chair, to escape, just stand up.
  • It pisses Thor off when you call him a “tourist.”
  • You’re a “brother”…until you start killing people. Then you’re adopted.
  • If a good guy suddenly turns into a bad guy, just hit him on the head…hard. That’ll fix everything.
  • The Hulk likes to smash.

What should my superhero name be? What would your superhero name be? Is a cape just asking for trouble?

Favorite Comment From the Last Post: “Oh, Thoughtsy. You’re too young and adorable to become the crazy cat lady who washes her cat but not her clothes.”—Hippie Cahier aka The Hipster


Don’t Go in the Water

I’ve never really watched the Summer Olympics before, but this week I watched it while I was at the gym.

It’s a motivator really. One day they’ll add ellipticalling (one L or two?) to the Olympics, and I’ll bring home the gold for U.S.A. It’s really just a matter of time.

While I’m at the gym, usually water polo is on TV.

At first, I didn’t even realize what it was. From a distance, it looked like synchronized swimming, and I thought, “Wow. The U.S.A. is definitely not placing in this event.”

But after watching two games (one women’s and one men’s), I now consider myself an expert in water polo.

You can be an expert, too. Here’s what you need to know:

  • Water polo is like hockey. Minus the puck, sticks, ice, and padding. Soooo…by “like,” I mean the only similarity is that it’s bloody.
  • Water polo is dangerous. You could drown.
  • In fact, it only appears that the object of the game is to put the ball in the net. The goal is actually to drown as many opposing team members as possible.
  • Drown the opposing team by grabbing their swimsuits. If they don’t drown, you’ll at least gain some time while they readjust the swimsuit to cover their privates.
  • Men wear Speedos to show off their abs and pecs because there’s less swimsuit for the opposing team to grab.

Don’t be surprised if you see me announce during the next water polo game….

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “That is the cutest form of Robert Pattinson I’ve seen to date.”—Nikki B


Say Cheese and Wedgies!

Pop quiz, hot shot! You see someone dressed like the pic below. What do you do? What…do…you…do? (A gold star for anyone who gets the movie reference.)

For the love of God, pick your wedgie!

Hopefully, you answered in one of two ways:

  1. Whip out your camera and snap a picture.
  2. Stall, stall, stall the specimen while you call Misty to tell her you have an excellent specimen for Weekly Whacked.

I’m working on developing (BWAHAHAHA!) my camera skills, so I don’t have to bother Misty. In the past, when I’ve seen someone dressed funny, I whip out my camera, and then…I chicken out.

Luckily, I got some practice at the Warrior Dash, where people tend to run the obstacle-filled 5k in costumes.

I saw fairies:

Clap your hands so Tinkerbell doesn’t die in the fire!

Some ladies turned it into a formal occasion. Bad idea, ladies! Dresses will hold a lot of mud and weigh you down!

I missed the women running in their wedding dresses.

If you don’t want to run the Warrior Dash, you can “Jump On It” and dance the Tonto like Papa Smurf.

Papa Smurf doing the Tonto dance.

I also saw Ironic Mom’s babysitter.

Cat in the Hat…but I don’t see Thing 1 and Thing 2.

 Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I got the audio book and pretended we were hanging out in the car and Jenny was telling me a story. That’s kind of as weird as showing/not showing her your shirt, right?”—The Suniverse


When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

On Saturday, Kiefer and some friends ran the Warrior Dash; I did not. Because I don’t like mud. Or wet shoes and socks.

Look at how much mud is on Kiefer. ::shudder:: 

No, Kiefer, you will not be receiving a finish line hug from me.

Once we parked, people kept walking by us into the woods. Thinking it was a short cut to the starting line, I headed in to scope it out.

Only it wasn’t a shortcut…it was a bathroom. And not just for guys, women were doing it, too.

Thoughtsy: (running back to Kiefer whispering) Oh my god, people are peeing in there!

That’s when I realized I had to pee. So I had a choice: Wait in a long line at nasty port-a-potties, or drop my pants behind a tree.

I opted for the tree. Because I didn’t want to be seen pantsless To be polite, I waited for everyone else to vacate the woods before heading in.

Do I really want to do this? I can’t even remember the last time I peed in the woods. Why break a 20-year-plus streak? 

Maybe I should ask someone to come with me? Girls pee in pairs, right? And this seems like a horror movie. What if there’s a crazed killer in these woods? I can’t run away with pants around my ankles. I can see the headline now: Blogger Dies In Her Own Pee.

Ewwww…wet grass just touched my ankle. DID SOMEONE ELSE’S PEE JUST GET ON ME?!?! Please be dew, please just be dew…. 

Finally, I did it: I peed behind a tree. Then some lady came traipsing into the woods, so I cut it short. At least my bladder was half empty (this is the only time “half empty” is optimistic).

Afterwards, my only comfort was Kiefer. He’s hoping to go camping soon, and my only input into the trip has been: “There has to be a bathroom and shower.”

Kiefer: I can’t believe you did that. I’m so proud of you. I’m seriously impressed. You just made my day.

I think he’s potty training me to go camping.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Serves them right for eating healthy dessert.”—Miss Four Eyes


Will Run for Cupcakes

I ran a 5K on Sunday.

I ran for Cakes for a Cause.

I ran to help young people who are transitioning out of the foster care system.

I ran for a free cupcake…even though it was hot as balls outside.

I ran for a real cupcake. Not this one. This cupcake is my friend. Friends don’t eat friends who are dressed as cupcakes.

Update: Here’s proof that I actually ran. I had a cute cupcake crown, too, but it fell off.