Tag Archives: Don’t Put That In Your Mouth

This Halloween Stay Away From Gingerbread Houses

When Kiefer first suggested we watch Hansel and Gretel Get Baked on Netflix Instant Viewing, I was stoked. The title was a pun! Puns equal greatness….sometimes.

Normally, stoner movies are not my thing, but this movie was actually funny. Plus, Cary Elwes is in it…in disguise.

Here’s what I learned:

  • I don’t do drugs, but even I would be tempted by a chocolatey one called “Black Forest.”
  • Hansel and Gretel’s parents often go on weekend getaways with the Stiltskins.
  • If an old lady tells you not to eat her gingerbread house, don’t eat her gingerbread house. If you do, she will eat you.

Resist! Resist!

  • Any little old lady from Pasadena that deals drugs is a witch.
  • Don’t leave Skittles behind as markers to find your way. Someone (a stoner) will eat them, and you will get lost.

Most importantly, I learned not to do drugs. Ever. Unless you want to be eaten by a witch and turned into a zombie.


Ozzy Pups: Panty Thief

Ozzy and I have finally reached an understanding in our relationship.

As long as I…

  • Pay attention to him 80% of the time, he’ll entertain himself the other 20% of the time.
  • Forget to clean the litter box, he’ll clean it for me.
  • Give him a treat occasionally after I say, “Drop it,” he’ll drop my stolen undies and socks on command.
  • Take him out back first, he won’t make me bag his poo on our walks.
  • Let him chase Esme occasionally, he’ll sometimes sit with her quietly.

Ozzy

When Kiefer was gone, Ozzy and I have spent a lot of time together. A lot. Almost too much.

Just when I think I’m about to lose my patience (and my voice), he plops down beside me, puts his head in my lap, and licks my hand.

And then I forgive him for the 5 minutes earlier with him running around the house with undies swinging from his mouth and chanting, “Panties! Glorious panties!” (Yes, Ozzy can talk.)

Favorite Comment From Last Post: There were so many awesome comments on the last post that I can’t pick one. Go read all of them!


Alligator on a Stick: The Breakfast of Champions

I almost ate only dessert in New Orleans. Almost.

But with The Road Food Festival in the French Market, how could I resist trying nondessert food?

I can’t even begin to describe this deliciousness. It was a baked potato with crawfish, crab, shrimp, and other seafood. Best. Baked. Potato. Ever.

In case you don’t know, my diet consists of fruits, veggies, salads, and mass quantities of desserts. That’s it. Period.

But, for the sake of the blog, I made an exception for alligator…on a stick.

Possible captions for this photo include the following:

  • Seriously?
  • What am I supposed to do with this?
  • This looks like a…”sausage.”

I didn’t really like it. It was spicy. I don’t do spicy. And I don’t like sausage. (Notice the absence of quotes vs. the quotes above.)

I’ll let you caption this last picture.