Tag Archives: cupcakes

I Locked Cupcakes in the Car and Didn’t Crack the Window

A few weeks ago, I locked my keys in the car. At work. Oops.

Luckily, my mom has an extra key. Unluckily, I work for the Special Forces, so there’s too much hassle security involved for her to bring me the key.

Cupcake Dangler (CD): Where are the cupcakes you baked?

Me: In my car. For safekeeping. With my keys.

I was going to walk to meet my mom because it’s only a mile off post. And then CD offered to drive me because he really wanted a cupcake.

Once we reached the key drop-off point, I called my mom from CD’s phone (because mine was locked in my car) to see where she was.

Me: Someone from work was nice enough to drive me….

CD: “Someone from work?” I’m hurt. I don’t get to meet your mom?

Me: I can’t tell my mom it was you!  Then she’ll save your phone number, and you’ll get random texts from her asking if I’m ok if she can’t get ahold of me. And that’s embarrassing.

Then later that day, my mom texted me this:

Mom: Was that him?

Me: Yep. Don’t save his phone number, ok?

Mom: Too late.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “This is eery. I JUST told my family I wanted eyelash extensions for Mother’s Day, and they laughed and laughed. And then laughed some more. Fuckers. I’m showing them all this post.”—Carmen


Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

A coworker (the one who introduced me to the term “faucet butt”) is in an on-again-off-again relationship with her Baby-Daddy…which is currently “on.” When her relationship is “on,” they have their kids all the time, which leaves no time for dating…or stuff.

 A couple weeks after Kiefer and I broke up, this happened:

Coworker: Now that you’re single, I’m going to need to live vicariously through you. So…dish.

Me: Uhhhhh….

Coworker: Dish! Tell me about your dates.

Me: Dates?

Coworker: WHAT?!?!

After that, she made it her mission to set me up with someone. At first, her attempts were easily avoided.

Coworker: I want you to go out with my brother. You’ll like him. He’s tall.

Me: That’s sweet of you. But do you really want your brother to be my rebound?

Since then, her attempts to set me up became more stealthy. I started getting Facebook friend requests from people I didn’t know.

Me: Who the heck is John Doe?

A month later….

Coworker: I went on a work trip with John Doe the other week. You’ll love him. He’s the male version of you. He loves dessert! And…he’s ripped.

Me: I’m not sure that combination is possible.

Coworker: I told him you’re moving to his building soon. I also told him if he shows up at your desk with a cupcake, he’s in.

Me: I am not that easily bought! Wait. Yes. Yes, I am. Mmmmm…cupcake….

Today is Day #5 in the new building…no cupcakes have been delivered. The moral of this post? Immediately accept friend requests from everyone if you want cupcakes.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME? Carrot cake M&Ms exist? I live in Canada (ie: the home of no carrot cake M&Ms), so I am now applying for U.S. Citizenship.”—Carmen


Will Run for Cupcakes

I ran a 5K on Sunday.

I ran for Cakes for a Cause.

I ran to help young people who are transitioning out of the foster care system.

I ran for a free cupcake…even though it was hot as balls outside.

I ran for a real cupcake. Not this one. This cupcake is my friend. Friends don’t eat friends who are dressed as cupcakes.

Update: Here’s proof that I actually ran. I had a cute cupcake crown, too, but it fell off.


#12. Eat a Homemade Pop-Tart

What are you doing this weekend? Going to your kid’s baseball game? Skip it.

Instead go to Southeast DC…

You: You’re sending me to Southeast?! Are you trying to kill me? 

Southeast DC had a bad reputation, but it’s cleaned up. I swear.

Besides, won’t you stare down death for this delicious homemade Pop-Tart from Ted’s Bulletin?

SPRINKLES! (Yes, I had to use all caps. I’m that excited.)

They had a Peanut Butter Maple Bacon Pop-Tart. A bacon Pop-Tart. I shit you not, bacon lovers.

I opted for strawberry because I’m a fruit filling gal.

So with #12 on my 35 Before 35 list completed, I started to head home. And then I saw the Sweet Lobby cupcakery.

Sweet Lobby recently won Cupcake Wars. So you have to try a cupcake and a macaron.

Then to work off your sugar overload, walk one more block to the Eastern Market and shop.

So go to Ted’s and have a Pop-Tart. Then walk to Sweet Lobby for more sugary goodness. It’s just one block. You can do it. I have faith in you.

What’s that? You can’t eat a Pop-Tart, macaron, and cupcake all in the same day? That’s why they make to-go boxes.

Amateurs….


Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’ on a Roller Skate

We plan to make roller derby the most exciting thing to hit Charm City since the crab cake….

You know how much I love crab cakes. With a line like that on their website, how could I not go to the  roller derby?

Saturday Misty and I went to Baltimore…for our third date Charm City Roller Girls!

It was awe-some. Here are some reasons I’m thinking of joining a roller derby team:

  • Night Terrors? Speed Regime? Junkyard Dolls? Mobtown Mods? Awesome team names.
  • The announcer wears heels and a gold-sequin jacket. And his name is Dirty Marty.
  • The player names are flippin’ fantastic: I.M. Pain, Nuckin’ Futz, and Collene Scopy.
  • You block and hit people with your hips and booty. Which gives me a reason to add on some Pop-Tart pounds.

A few reasons stopping me from joining are…

  • The stretcher the medics bring on at the beginning of the bout is scary.
  • My butt and thighs are too big to wear spandex.
  • If I’m skating, I can’t eat Misty’s cupcakes. (Real cupcakes. That’s not a euphemism.)

For your viewing pleasure, here’s one of my pics:

Amazing, huh? Felt like you were actually there, right?

Go to Misty’s blog to see better pics.

Don’t expect Whip It. Do expect unicorns, cupcakes, falling, and fun.

What should my Roller Derby name be?