Tag Archives: crab

You Call That a Crab Cake?

Dear States Other Than Maryland,

I live in Maryland. Home of the crab. Crab dip, crab cakes, crab anything—We do it right.

When you order a crab cake in Maryland, this is what you get:

Note that there is more crab than filler.

A dome of chunky crab meat. Mmmmm….

While visiting another state (I won’t point any fingers), I made the mistake of ordering a Maryland crab cake. A mistake that I won’t make ever again.

Because when you order a Maryland crab cake while you’re in another state, you get a freakin’ crabby patty that’s more bread than crab. Seriously? Pathetic….

I should sue you for pain, suffering, disappointment, and other damages. The State of Maryland should sue you for slander or false advertising. Lawyered!

Please take immediate action. On every menu that lists Maryland Crab Cakes, please remove Maryland Crab Cake and replace it with Mediocre Crab Cake or Not-a-Maryland Crab Cake.

Thank you for your prompt attention in this matter.

Very crabby,


PS: If you don’t have Old Bay, don’t even bother serving crab. Did you just say, What’s Old Bay? I can’t even look at you right now I’m so upset.

The M.R. Ducks State

It’s snowing here in…does Maryland have a nickname? It should. I mean, New York gets to be “The Big Apple.” Maybe we could call Maryland “The Big Cheese.” Just because I find the word “cheese” hilarious.

I bet Wisconsin is already “The Big Cheese.” Let’s brainstorm possible nicknames for Maryland.

  • Black-Eyed Susan State. That’s too long for a nickname. And it has a ring of spousal abuse to it.
  • The Crab State. That makes it sound like we’re a state overrun with sexually transmitted diseases.

After some research (and I by “research,” I mean Wikipedia—which doesn’t really count as a reliable source), I found that Maryland already has some nicknames.

  • The Cockade State? That just doesn’t sound right.
  • The Oyster State? We’re obviously sex obsessed over here in Maryland.
  • The Free State nickname is interesting. Maryland never passed a law enforcing Prohibition. Because we rock. Or because we’re alcoholics.
  • The M-R Ducks State? I’ve lived in Maryland for 28 years of my 29-year life, and Kiefer just explained the “M-R Ducks” things to me last summer.

Apparently (I’ve never heard it), some people in Maryland (not me) say, “Them are ducks,” and it sounds like “M. R. Ducks.” You can read the story here.

::head hung in shame for my fellow Marylanders::

So, yes, I’m from Maryland. And yes, it’s snowing here in my grammar-and pronounciation-challenged, sex-obsessed, alcoholic state.