Tag Archives: Commitment Is Scary

There’s a First Time for Everything

Cupcake Dangler (CD):  While I was running errands, I ran into an old buddy, and we grabbed a drink. How was your night?

Me: It was fine…right up until the point that you stood me up.

In my 15 dating years, I’ve never been stood up. Even Mephistopheles never pulled that. He was notorious for showing up late, but he always showed up.

CD: I didn’t realize I had actually committed to seeing you tonight.

Oh no you didn’t…. The c-word rears its ugly head.

CD: I’m sorry. I messed up.

Me: It’s ok.

That “It’s ok” was the kind you feel like you have to say because someone apologized, but in reality, your feelings are still hurt and you just want to punch the asshatted douchearoo in the face.

Except for this, CD was a perfect gentleman while we dated. But it was this exchange that made me begin to realize he wasn’t the guy for me.

My friend Puddin’ put it best: “He’s nice guy. But he’s not your nice guy.”

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “That cupcake is terrifying. Look at the eyes! Cookie Monster is choking on that cookie. Why are you wasting time arguing about desserts and nicknames when you should be doing the Heimlich maneuver?”—Laura

Someone Get This Kick-Me Sign Off My Back

Soooooo…someone asked me out.

Guy: Since you’re single now, I hope you’ll let me take you out sometime.

Unfortunately for him, I overanalyze everything. So I was 99% sure “take you out” was code for “sleep with you.”

Guy: I know it’s probably too soon, and I don’t want to be your rebound, but I’m afraid that if I wait too long, some guy will scoop you up before I get a chance.

As it turns out, he’s just a nice guy, and my overanalyzation was unneeded.

But then he waved a red flag. Metaphorically.

Dangled it right in front of my nose. Metaphorically.

Guy: It takes me a few dates to see someone exclusively. I just have trouble committing to someone at first.

That’s when I started looking for the sign on my back that said, “If you have commitment issues, come see me.”

W. T. F. 

Guy: But after a few dates, I get past that initial hump.

Instead of overanalyzing the word “hump,” I decided to be optimistic. And I’m glad he did because he’s a Southern Gentleman.

Then he swapped out the red flag for a carrot cupcake. Metaphorically.

Guy: I think couples know within a year if they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

A year? Seriously? Thank you for restoring my faith. Or that’s just what guys say when they want to get in your pants.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “It’s a sad state of affairs when carnival women have the same unsavory habits as Mike Tyson.”—El Guapola