Tag Archives: Christmas

How I Killed Santa

Is there a movie that single-handedly shattered your childhood? The other night we watched that movie for Radley.

Every other weekend, one night is usually the night I fall asleep on the couch family movie night. Now that Boo is 12, and Radley is nearly 10, they said they were finished with kiddy movies. They wanted to watch a scary movie.

Their logic was that I watch scary movies all the time, and I’m scared of bugs, so surely, they could handle a horror movie.

Boo and Radley began perusing my movie collection for possibilities.

  • 28 Days Later? No.
  • Nightmare on Elm Street? No.
  • Hellraiser? Hell no.
  • Gremlins? Hmmmm….

Kiefer and I hadn’t seen Gremlins in awhile. Surely Gizmo’s cuteness would counteract the scary gremlins. Surely….

"Baby, it's cold outside...." Let us in.

“Baby, it’s cold outside….” Let us in.

And they did ok. Even when the science teacher gets stabbed to death with a needle. Although I guess we won’t know for sure until it’s time for booster shots.

But then…it happened.

The girl in the movie begins her story of why she hates Christmas. Turns out her dad died around Christmas. He died in a chimney…dressed like Santa to deliver her presents…because there is no Santa.

And that, my friends, is how I killed Santa for Radley.

Stupid movie. It should have come with a disclaimer: Watching this movie will kill Christmas for your child.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Awww, you are the sweetest girlfriend ever. Maybe when he returns, he will bring your coat back, and there will be a ring in it? I mean, it’s only fair since you kept his tootsies all warm and toasty!”—Misty’s Laws

Happy St. Patrick’s Day from Zeke Zombie

Remember Zeke?

You probably don’t recognize the name, but you’ll recognize the face. I almost named him “Rob,” but someone already has the name Rob Zombie. Hmph.

The last time you saw Zeke, he was dressed like Santa. And because I suck was super uberduber busy, I never showed you Valentine’s Day Zeke Zombie or Mardi Gras Zeke Zombie.

As you can see, Zeke is now part Christmas, part Valentine’s Day (that red thing is a heart), part Mardi Gras (beads), and part leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Thank you to everyone who voted for Stitch yesterday! Unfortunately, he didn’t win.

Sidney Poitier beat Stitch. (A moment of silence please.)  Although Poitier is awesome because he was the first Black to win an Academy Award, I can’t really say anything about his character from To Sir, With Love…because I’ve never seen the movie…because I’m not old.* I’m not bitter or anything though.

*If you have seen the movie, I’m not calling you “old.” I’m calling the other people who’ve seen it “old.” I love you. Really. Here, have a Pop-Tart.

A Zombie for All Seasons

As much as I love Christmas, I love Halloween more. But Christmas offers lots of distractions to help with Halloween withdraw.

  • Cookies
  • Hot chocolate
  • Dipping cookies in hot chocolate
  • Gifts
  • Putting antlers on my cat
  • Catching snow on your tongue
  • Sparkling ornaments (I’m easily distracted by sparklies.)
  • Pretty lights (I’m like a moth to a flame…without the dying part.)

But sometimes all of that just isn’t enough. Sometimes I need something dark (not dark chocolate…well…maybe….). Something sinister. Something that eats brains.

Doesn't everyone have this on their front door?

Why take down Halloween decorations when you can just alter them to fit the next holiday?

I thought about putting the zombie in a diaper to represent the New Year’s baby, but that just seemed too embarrassing…even for a paper zombie cutout.

Next up…Zombie Cupid.

I Was on the Nice List

Celebrity sighting! Celebrity sighting!

Just before the holidays, I paid a visit to Santa. He was going through cookie withdraw, and that’s why he looked a little green. Santa and I talked a little bit about this past year, my behavior, and my Christmas list.

About half way through our conversation, I realized it wasn’t really Santa. This was an imposter!

How did I know?

No beard.

And I always thought Santa had a bigger “bowl full of jelly.”

It was Mr. Ba Humbug, Scrooge’s green counterpart: The Grinch.

The Grinch says, "You know who's cool? This gal."

This is what Kiefer calls my rock star hair. Translation: I didn’t brush it look in the mirror when I parted it.

After I pointed out he wasn’t really Santa, the Grinch and I exchanged a few words. I agreed to bake him delicious cookies if he would agree to not steal my presents on Christmas Eve.

My Christmas presents were under the tree Christmas morning, so obviously the Grinch as turned over a new leaf thanks to Cindy Loo Hoo me.

I didn’t get the magic weight loss pills I was hoping for (so I assume my granny panties neighbor is doing well), but here is a sampling of what I received:

That’s the ad the Kindle stopped on…it’s not my fault.

What’s that little blue thing in the corner by the camera? I’ll explain that later.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! What was your favorite gift that you received? And what was your favorite gift that you gave to someone else?

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of Year…To Be in the Kitchen

The last week and half I’ve been spending a lot of time in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant.

That’s a lie. I’m not pregnant. And it’s too cold to go barefoot, so I’m wearing socks.

That only leaves spending a lot of time in the kitchen. Which is true.

I’ve also been brushing up on my artistic skills. Artists generally start with simple things like painting a bowl of fruit. Here’s my version:

My lunch. Seriously. Ok, ok, I had 2 cookies.

What? Apple. Banana. Orange Creamsicle Cookie. The orange extract makes that cookie a fruit. That’s my 3 fruit servings for the day in one meal.

I wish I could send all of you some of the yummy cookies I’ve made, but let’s face it: That’s too many stamps. So I’m posting the recipes so you can make your own cookies (and get at least one fruit serving in your day).

Orange Creamsicle Cookies*

  • 1 pouch of sugar cookie mix
  • 4 tbsp melted butter
  • 1.5 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1.5 tsp orange extract
  • 1 egg
  • white chocolate chips
  • 5 drops of yellow food coloring, 2 drops of red food coloring

Mix everything together (chips last), roll into balls, and bake 9-10 minutes at 350.

Smores Cookie Bars*

  • 1 pouch of sugar cookie mix
  • 1 cup graham cracker crumbs
  • 1 cup melted butter
  • 3 cups chocolate chips
  • 1 bag of miniature marshmallows

Mix the cookie mix, butter, and graham crackers. Press it into a 13×9 pan. Bake 18-20 minutes at 375.

Remove from oven. Pour chocolate chips over the crust. In a few minutes, they’ll melt. Spread the chocolate evenly over the crust.

Pour the marshmallows over the chocolate. Set the oven to Broil and place in the oven for about 30 seconds. Watch it so your mallows don’t burn.

I also tested a new blueberry muffin recipe for #13 on my 35 Before 35 list, but they were only ok, so I’m not posting it.

Be on the lookout for a new cookie recipe that I got from Princess’s sister. They may be the best cookies ever. Stay tuned.

And contrary to popular opinion, I do eat things that don’t have sugar in them. I also baked Kim’s macaroni and cheese this weekend. Mmmm….

*The use of crack is optional in both of these recipes. They’re really tasty without it.