Tag Archives: Channing Tatum

Hot As Balls—Yeah, I Said It

Last week I had to get up earlier than usual was late to work because I had to scrape frost off my windshield. This week…I’m wondering if I’d get fired for taking off my pants.

Seriously.

I’m hot. And not sexy hot. I’m sweaty hot. And not glistening sweaty. I’m I-think-I-just-wet-my-underoos-no-that’s-just-sweat sweaty.

That’s how hot it is. I don’t even care how embarrassing it is to share with you that my thighs have soaked my undies. To dry them, I’m sitting spread-eagle at my desk…in a dress. Classy.

My legs scream "Open for Business,' but I don't care.

My legs scream “Open for Business,” but I don’t care.

While we’re I’m sharing, although I have a cold water bottle behind my neck, I really want to shove it down the front of my dress.

Apparently, switching on the AC requires a gazillion different approvals plus a dead body, so yesterday and again today we’re all sitting inside a 90-degree building….crying because no one would sacrifice themselves to the AC gods.

Ok, so maybe I was the only one actually crying. But only half of the time. The other half of the time I was begging for a Channing Tatum-look-a-like cabana boy to fan me.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I used to have an apartment where there was a small access panel (to the bath plumbing) in my bedroom. The first guy I showed it to swore that was where the trolls live. I never opened it, just to be sure.”—BluzDude


Welcome to the Jungle

In just a few short days, I’ll be in LA. Which means in just a few short days, I’ll be famous. “Thoughtsy” will soon become a household name.

I’m just going to visit Percy Q. Poodle my brother and his fiance, but I’m sure while I’m touring Universal Studios, I’ll get pulled from the tour to fill in on a bit part in a movie, and that’ll lead to larger roles and within a few months, you’ll see me starring opposite Channing Tatum and Johnny Depp.

Percy

With Percy and I back together, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Benji is remade, too.

Anyways, while I’m rubbing elbows with the rich and famous, what should I see in LA?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Somewhere there’s a poor dead hostage with a giant penis. So sad.”—The Cannibalistic Nerd


It’s Raining Men!

Because Channing Tatum and Joe Manganiello were in the movie Kiefer had a guys’ poker night, Blarney, Princess, and I went to see Magic Mike.

Having never been to a strip club, I decided to live vicariously through the movie.

Star-spangled tophats are not standard issue.

  • Stripping isn’t just taking your clothes off. There’s choreography, too.
  • What is that in the corner of the screen? Why, yes, it is a penis pump. With a penis in it.
  • Strippers might need a thong with an elephant trunk.
  • Sometimes guys pretend their penis is a machine gun.
  • Drugs are expensive.
  • To make women scream, throw a prop between your legs.

The most important lesson I learned is never go to a strip club in real life because Channing Tatum won’t be there…and that will be sad.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Adorable—she looks like a bed troll!”—Cestlavie22


Is It Hot in Here? Or Is It Just Me?

Last night I talked with my friend Puddin’. We always cover a broad range of topics, such as the following:

  • Mary Poppins’s bloomers
  • Pop-Tarts vs. Frosted Mini-Wheats for breakfast
  • Books (in particular how Alice I Have Been made me suspect Lewis Carroll’s intentions towards little girls)
  • Tom Hanks movies
  • Her son saying “Okey Dokey”
  • Handsome Hot actors

I’d like to open up the last bullet for discussion. Here’s an excerpt of Puddin’ and I’s conversation.

Puddin’: I’ve been abusing my free trial of Netflix. All I do is watch movies….God, Hugh Jackson is hot.

Me: Yeah, he is. ::Sigh:: Until he opens his mouth. Wait, or is that Gerard Butler? One of them sounds like a goofball.

Puddin’: You know who is hot? Channing Tatum. And he’s 30! He’s in my age range! I always feel weird saying Taylor Lautner is hot….

Me: Yeah. I don’t like admitting that I think Taylor Lautner is hot to anyone but you. So Channing Tatum is our new Cabana boy?

When I was a tween (Yes, I just said “Tween.” I’m hip.), I had crushes on tons of guys. But once I got a little older, I remember there really only being 2 go-to hot adult actors: Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.

And Sean Connery. (And am I the only one who had a little thing for Tommy Lee Jones?) But let’s face it…an 18-year-old couldn’t admit to that. It’s only acceptable for a real adult to say that, not a wannabe adult.

Now there are tons of good-lookin’ actors to drool over.

Who are some of your favorite actors/actresses now and when you were younger?