Tag Archives: Cancer

Old McDonald Has a Farm

Last week was the Great Frederick Fair. I go to the fair for the food, which will be receiving its own post later, but first, I’ll fill you in on other fair activities.

Runners up to the food are the animals.

Oink, oink.

I named them all Wilbur. Except for the one on the left. His name is Pete. Your left, not my left. No, your other left. Make the Ls with your hands.

Piglet Fun Fact #1: Pigs can get sunburn.

Before we continue, let’s have a round of applause for Kiefer. Because Kiefer hates cows. Yet we still made a special trip to the animal section to check out the calves and their big, beautiful doe eyes.

I think Kiefer hates cows because they stink.  But really, whose poo doesn’t stink? Apparently they don’t have cows on the crunchy West Coast.


The fair also had a Birthing Center where you can watch cows give birth. Yeeeeah…. We didn’t hang around for that. Although it may have been pretty cool.

Of course, the fair also has rides. Blah. I really could care less. Except for the pony ride. When I was little, I always had to ride the ponies. Twice.

I was hoping to relive my youth and ride the ponies, but can you believe there is a 70-pound weight limit? I tried to convince the guy I weighed under that, but he didn’t believe me. What-ever. Pony poo-head.

I’ve already admitted that I’m not a big fan of rollercoasters (If you haven’t read the rollercoaster post, you should. It’s one of my favs.), but I’m also not fond of rides that spin…or drop. Really I dislike most rides.

But this ride. This ride is the worst.

This ride comes straight from the depths of H-E-double hockey sticks. When I become President (A vote for me, is a vote for chocolate.), I’m eliminating this ride from existence.

Why is this ride so horrible?

  1. It looks like a UFO. You know what happens on UFOs? Anal probes.
  2. It spins around at a gazillion miles an hour. That’s just not safe.
  3. When someone else pukes, it gets all over you. There’s no escape. It’s like that math problem where you throw the baseball on a train. The puke stays in the same spot and you move into it.

Squeamy McSqueams-A-Lot

Some A lot things make me cringe or flip out at the mere thought of them. ::shudder::

I hope she got a lot of lollipops.

Fainting: I hate needles. While I’m waiting, I whisper, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” and my legs start shaking. Because even though there’s just one tiny needle, I see the needle pit from Saw. Then I pass out. Usually into the arms of a nurse half my size.

Losing feeling in my hands: This tends to happen at the worst possible times. For example, when I’m driving. On the radio, they’ll talk about something invasive—like colonoscopies—which leaves me unable to steer.

Shifting my weight a gazillion times: This happens when people tell surgery stories. One leg wants to be supportive and listen, but the other wants to walk run away. My legs are torn and can’t decide what to do…hence the pee pee dance.

Covering my eyes: I watch most horror movies without a flinch. Blood squirting everywhere? Cool!

But some scenes I can’t handle. Scenes involving needles and eyes. Remember that movie Fire in the Sky? Needle headed straight for the eye. Double whammy.

Someone losing an eye in a movie (Isn’t Hostel where the person carries their eyeball around in a cup?) causes me to bury my head in Kiefer’s shoulder. Then he puts his hand up to block my view just in case I decide to look before it’s over. But that just makes me curious to see what I’m missing.

Crossing my legs: Hearing the words “tear” or “rip” in reference to childbirth. Keep anything you have to say about your private parts to yourself, please.

Running away from conversations or shoving fingers in my ears: I do this when people talk about laser eye surgery. Specifically, Kiefer Sutherland’s eyes. Specifically, at the mention of the words “eye fla-.” You’ll have to guess the last letter. Here’s your hint: The letter sounds like “Pee.”

I’m just one step away from running to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth to keep from projectile vomiting.

And that, Scott, is why I’m unable to expose my brains to attract zombies.

My New Diet: Acai and Skinny Cow

Houston, we have a problem. Some of you questioned why 5 days of no chocolate is on my 30 Before 30 list.

Here’s why. Take a look at what I picked up from the grocery store on my last trip.

  • Lettuce
  • Apples
  • Broccoli
  • Spinach
  • Bananas
  • Oranges

Wow, Thoughts Appear, you are one healthy chick. Read on, reader…

  • Fiber One Chocolate and Oats Bars
  • Healthy Request Tomato Soup
  • Dannon Nonfat Yogurt Flavors: Blueberry, Blueberry Acai, Key Lime, Lemon Chiffon

Not fresh produce, but not bad…

  • Kettle Baked Hickory Honey BBQ Potato Chips

Thoughts Appear, if that’s the worst item on this list, you make me sick. Sick! Oh, dear reader, I only wish my list ended here. I’ll just hang my head in shame while you read the rest.

  • Edy’s Pure Fruit Blueberry Acai Fruit Bar Popsicles
  • Skinny Cow Cookies N’ Cream Ice Cream Sandwiches
  • Skinny Cow Chocolate and Fudge Ice Cream Cones
  • Skinny Cow Caramel Cone Ice Cream
  • Skinny Cow Cookies N’ Cream Ice Cream
  • Ben and Jerry’s Mud Pie Ice Cream
  • Ben and Jerry’s Key Lime Pie Ice Cream

Yes, I am seriously addicted to sweets. Dessert Addiction is a disease, people!

If I’m able to go 5 days without chocolate, it’ll be a miracle. An amazing accomplishment. A true testament of my will power.

I also partially blame Self magazine. One magically appeared in my mailbox the other day, and inside was this article. And the yogurt, potato chips, and Skinny Cow stuff are supposed to be healthy indulgences. The Blueberry Acai Fruit Bars were in an ad in the magazine. I’m very impressionable.

The sad part is I’ve never even tasted Skinny Cow ice cream. So obviously the next logical step was to buy 4 different treats of it. See how serious my addiction is? A normal person would have only bought one to see if she even liked it.

And I know you’ve all seen the ads saying acai helps you lose weight. I’m taking one for the team. I, Thoughts Appear, volunteer to be a guinea pig. I’ll try it out via yogurt and fruit bars, and then I’ll let you if I lose 10 pounds the next day.

Just like how I’m summarizing Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus…it’s all for you, readers. Anything to make your life easier.

And the Ben and Jerry’s? Any day now they’ll prove that Ben and Jerry’s helps you lose weight and cures cancer. I want to be ready.

Eat this, Dave Zincenko! Eat this….

Susan G. Komen Run in Washington, DC

As I said in an earlier post, I’m Running for the Cure, and Cupcakes Aren’t Involved. I participated in the Susan G. Komen Global 5K in Washington, DC, on Saturday.

What an experience. Pink everywhere. Anyone who didn’t know people were supporting breast cancer might have thought the world was about to be overpopulated with newborn baby girls.

Some people ran on teams. Award for the best team name goes to Saving Second Base.

Kiefer Sutherland, Boo,  Radley, and I all “ran” the 5K.

Usually I make fun of people who put their children on leashes, but oh, how I wanted one for Boo and Radley at that moment. Boo and Radley are 9 and 7 respectively, and they know better than to randomly disappear.

But in that mess of 40,000+ runners, I panicked the entire time. I remembered Denise’s blog post and thought, “Oh my god, I didn’t take a picture of their shoes!”

I’d say the 4 of us ran about a half to three quarters of a mile before Boo and Radley decided it was time to walk. So for the rest of the 5K, we alternated between walking and running. I lost track of the number of times Kiefer and I said, “Let’s just run to that traffic light, and then we’ll walk again” or “We have to run by the cheerleaders.” Funny how even young boys are motivated to look good for hot cheerleaders.

We finished the run in just under an hour.

One thing that I heard at the run that really disturbed me was that someone believed that “we” already have the cure for breast cancer, but it’s being kept a secret. I can’t even begin to describe how much this saddened me. Are people really that greedy that they’d keep something like that a secret just because of all the money surrounding it? Or maybe I should be asking are people really that into conspiracy theories?

I raised $330 to help fight breast cancer. A big thanks to everyone who sponsored me!

I’m Running for the Cure and Cupcakes Aren’t Involved

May I have your attention please? I’d like to announce that sweets are not my only motivation for exercise.

Remember Stage a Sugar Intervention and Creepy Cupcakes Will Be the Death of Me? I never even turned in my coupon for the free cupcake from that run.

Today in Maryland it is over 90 degrees, and it is flippin’ hot. And today of all days, I felt the need to register for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. It better not be 90 degrees on the day of the run.

In addition to my own colon cancer screening, over the last couple months, a few people I know have been diagnosed with cancer, and it’s been a bit scary to have it so close.

So I’m tagging this post…

  • “Brave” for the people who struggle with cancer every day.
  • “Life” because hopefully the money from the race will extend some of those lives.
  • “Love” for all the people who have breast cancer or know someone who has it. Know that I’m sending some love your way.

Anyways, if you’d like to sponsor me, here’s my page: Sponsor Thoughtsy to Pass Out While Running the Race for the Cure.