Tag Archives: Boo Radley

Don’t Upset the Snow Pajama God

Yesterday afternoon we heard we’d get 4-6 inches of snow today.

Last night we heard 6-8 inches of snow.

Kiefer: Since the snow won’t start until mid morning, you may end up going to school but getting released early. So be ready.

Boo: Everybody wear their pajamas inside out tonight. That will guarantee no school or work tomorrow.

Wear your clothes inside out if you want a snow day. Not backwards.

So…

  • Boo wore his pjs inside out.
  • Radley wore his pjs inside out.
  • Kiefer wore his pjs inside out.

Guess who fell sleep wearing their pajamas right side out.

Guess who the only person is who didn’t get out of school or work today.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “The nurses will set up a mirror for you. Maybe you’ll get lucky and it will reflect so much light, your hooha will resemble a blinding portal. My son Kelly looks like he came straight from heaven even though I went through he’ll to give birth to him.”—Susie Lindau


Santa Put Me on the Nice List This Year

I just wanted to show off a few of my favorite Christmas gifts.

Exhibit A: Giant Candy Bar*

*I don’t have a picture of this.

  • Maybe it’s because I keep forgetting to take one and I don’t want to wait any longer on this post.
  • Maybe it’s because I hid it from my stepsons, and now I can’t remember where I put it.
  • Maybe it’s because I already ate it.

The world may never know.

Because every pregnant woman needs a candy bar the length of her arm. This prevents her from actually eating her arm…or someone else’s arm.

Exhibit B: Branded Pillow

pillow

My friend Princess made this for me. Awwww….

Exhibit C: Zombie Baby T-Shirt

zombaby

Because we all know how much I love zombie babies. Thank you, Misty!

What were some of your favorite Christmas gifts that you gave or received?

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “Either pickle juice you try, I relish the idea.”—BluzDude
  • “With a comment like that, I feel as though you may just be jerkin her gherkin.”—AbsentElemental

I Spent New Year’s Eve Stalking Unicorns

On New Year’s Eve morning, I had no idea what to bring to the party Kiefer and I were going to. I thought of just making a good standby recipe, but…I have a reputation to uphold.

Imaginary Conversation with Friend: “Oh. You made Orange Dreamsicle cookies…again.”

Imaginary Thoughtsy: I know…I FAILED!

Then…I saw it.

A cookie so colorful, so glittery, so sprinkley—it was perfect!

Behold, the Unicorn Poop Cookie.

Unicorncookie

We used some star sprinkles. I wish I’d taken a closeup.

Here’s how you make a unicorn poop cookie:

  1. Enlist the help of children. Unicorns like children.
  2. Have the children call out, “Here unicorny-corny! I have treats!”
  3. Feed the unicorn a lot of Fruity Pebble treats. A lot.
  4. Give each child a bag.
  5. Wait.
  6. Wait some more.
  7. Tell the unicorn to “Go potty!”
  8. Instruct the children to walk behind the unicorn and bag the unicorn droppings.
  9. Make sure the children wash their hands when they’re done.

Boo and Radley are now expert unicorn poop baggers if you’d like to borrow them. You’ll have to pay them, of course, since there are child labor laws. They would probably accept cookies as payment.

Oooooooor…you can whip up some sugar cookie dough (I added cherry vanilla flavoring to change it up)…

  1. Separate it and dye it with neon food coloring. The boys and I wore sandwich bags on our hands to avoid coloring our skin.
  2. Refrigerate the for 30 minutes or so.
  3. Roll each color into a snake.
  4. Twist the dough snakes together.
  5. Wrap the dough in a circle.
  6. Bake at 375 for about 8 minutes.
  7. Decorate cooled cookies with confetti icing gel, glitter sprinkles, and gold star sprinkles.

You can do it however you want, but the first scenario has less clean up and involves a real unicorn. Just sayin’….

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “No, he did not call you fat, of course. He called you PHAT. That’s street for totally bitchin’, or so I’m told.”—Pegoleg


Are You Crapping Me?

Captain’s Log, Star Date December 12, 2013.

It’s been 13 days since Kiefer left for his business trip. He should return today.

But…if he doesn’t…I don’t know…how much longer I’ll survive on my own.

I’ve seen things…no woman should have to see. I’m done things…no pregnant woman should have to do. ::shudder::

It all started with laryngitis. Laryngitis that’s still not gone because it’s impossible to rest my voice when I’m the only person around to stop Ozzy Pups from stealing socks (Drop it!).

Then there was all of that snow.

But now, things have just gotten progressively harder.

Boo and his friend hung out at the house for a couple hours before basketball practice. Boo’s friend used the bathroom…and he…clogged the toilet in MY bathroom, not the kids’ bathroom.

Of course, I didn’t discover the clog until I was already doing the pee-pee dance. I had two options:

  1. Use the kids’ bathroom upstairs…which is never a good idea.
  2. Unclog the toilet myself.

Since I’ve never actually plunged a toilet, and because a pregnant woman with a heightened sense of smell should never have to plunge a toilet that’s been clogged by a kid that’s not even hers, I choose Option #3:

Call Dad to unclog the toilet while I ran Boo and his friend to practice.

I’ve decided to head off future bathroom problems by placing a woman figure on my bathroom door.

If Kiefer isn’t home this afternoon, this may be my last entry. Please send reinforcements…and extra bathrooms.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I agree…that’s classic protective behavior. Ozzy is putting himself between you and potential frosty danger, just like a Secret Service man. You should get him a little earpiece and some shades.”—BluzDude


My Dog: The Snowman Assassin

This week Ozzy and I spent a lot of quality time together walking in the snow.

Every time we passed a snowman, he became cautious. He’d switch sides so he’d be between me and the snowman, and he’d walk next to me as he stared the snowman down. After we passed, he’d even throw back a glance or two to make sure we weren’t being followed.

He didn’t discriminate either: lawn ornaments or snowman actually made of snow got the same treatment.

And then Ozzy took it to the next level. Maybe it was because…

  • It was still dark.
  • The snowman had a tasty carrot nose.
  • The snowman had “fetching” stick arms. (Bwahaha! I crack myself up.)
  • Ozzy watched the movie Jack Frost, which is about a killer snowman.

But Ozzy actually lunged at the snowman. Luckily, the snowman was unharmed.

Ozzy doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, so I’m sure he just wanted to play, but still….

So later that day, Ozzy and I played in the snow. He pranced in the snow and chased snowballs. Then I decided to build a snowman for Ozzy to play with.

Do not play with snowballs and then build a snowman. Ozzy just assumed I was making giant snowballs for him to eat and crush.

Here’s how the first 3 attempts ended:

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You can see Ozzy dashing off after crushing the snowball base. Jerk….

 Only after Ozzy was sufficiently exhausted was a snowman allowed to stay.

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You’re only still here because I’m too tired to eat you. Tomorrow, you’re mine.

Next Day Followup: I’m sad to report that the snowman you see above is no longer…although I suspect Radley was Ozzy’s accomplice in the demise.

Favorite Comments From Last Post:

  • “It appears you are misunderstanding this “nesting instinct” thing. You don’t have to clean anything – just get a bunch of sticks together.”—Pegoleg
  • “Your position on the changing table and crib is absolutely reasonable, especially because, if those items are anything like my Ikea furniture, it is going to take him at least 4 weeks and 47 beers to assemble them. Chop chop, Kiefer, chop chop.”—PinotNinja